I'm always ignored.

Some people in my classes don't even know my name.

They don't even try to.

They view me as quiet or nonexistent.

Sometimes I like being ignored

But that's when I don't want to talk to you.

Or I can't.

But when I try to talk you ignore me again.

What's the point?

I'll be sad and ignored forever.

Your eyes

Watch me.. Openly.

But you don’t.

I’m transparent,

You see through me.

I’m just another

Free space.

A void full of empty.

My name is a leftover

Of the unknown mystery.

I’m okay..

To not be okay..

But am I?

My mind is fuming..

How can I deny?

I don't exist

In your world,

Do I?

Probably not...

.

.

.

.

.

My tears would eventually dry...

Don't worry.

Ignore me.

~

At last, I smile.

They stopped glaring at me.

I can finally relax.

I can finally have the peace and quiet

I deserve after all I’ve done.

I almost laugh.

They started ignoring me,

For their attention, the light, has turned

To someone else

as I lurk in the shadows,

hopefully forgotten.

I feel hurt when you ignore me. When you both talk about work even at the dinner table instead of asking about my day. On the rare occcasions that you do speak to me, it is a quick, thoughtless exercise. I wonder how the two of you- such generous, kind, helpful and smart people- can be so indifferent to your own child. You are quick to see the suffering of others, but not of your own flesh and blood. You ignore me in my low phases, stoutly denying the existence of the depression that has eaten me away from the inside. You, of all people, are supposed to help, to be there for me. But you aren't. You are not the people I can turn to on the bad days, when all I have been doing for hours is cry.

Of course, I love you. How can I not? I only wish you could understand.

Nope, don't mind me

Just continue

I'm perfectly content

Here with my book

My earphones

My world

All inside my head

Nope, don't bother knocking

Just move along

I don't need to listen

I'm good with myself

With my emotions

With my thoughts

Not yours - keep them

If I ever felt lonely or bothered

I would say, but...

You might not listen

And I wouldn't need you to

I would carry on

I would get stronger

And when you need something - try the same

Typical high school cliche. More popular best friend leaves less popular best friend behind. Well this happened to me, and let me tell you its worse than the movies make it seem. My best friend for 10 years ditched me for cooler friends who I could not compete with. I cannot even describe the feelings I had when she wouldn't notice me in the hallways anymore, the girl who would sleep over my house simply because she loves hanging out with me. The feelings when during halloween she was forced to pity invite me to her new friend's house because every hallowen we would go trick or treating together, with no fail, and no year skipped. The feelings when our families are still close so we are forced to hang out, and I can feel her sliping away, completely different from the girl who would play pretend with me in the rain and make up dances with and plannes our weddings with, where we would be each other's maid of honor. The feeling is worse than heartbreak, beacause it destroys your entire soul. The person you grew up, who made you the person you are today, now a stranger to you. And the worse part of it is that you cant hate them, because you have loved them, given them your entire life for years. Cant hate them because you are mad at yourself for not being cooler and changing with them. And even now, when you can get along but you know that everytime your families hang out, and you are forced to hang with her, she is somewhere else, thinking about any number of things, just not you. So every night I look at the stars and think about everything we used to do, said we would together, and now never will.

Chatter. Sentences upon scentences flow out of my mouth as i paint a picture of the topic i love so much. Nod. I watch as your head bounces up and down in accordance with the words that i say. This is it; everything so perfect. Me talking as usual and having you here with me, as it should be. Except, that you're not. You never were. I've known you long enough to know when you've sent me to your brains voicemail. To know when you put your body on autopiolt. Dim. My hands movements slow as the light leaves my eyes, and you stare past me still with that never changing expression and constant nod of your head. It's okay...i'm used to it, but i do wonder where you go when you make me feel subsidiary. I do hope its somewhere worth going, if not i'll be disappointed...