Coming to terms with being bisexual was really difficult. I kissed a couple girls in middle school and was bullied severely for it. That guilt stayed with me until my junior year of high school when I just couldn't lie to myself anymore. Once I finally acknowledged that I liked girls too and that it's okay, I was so relieved.

It took me a little bit to work up the courage to tell my parents. Living with my mom and stepdad, I decided to tell them first. We were out to dinner at a nice restaurant when I announced that I had something to say. The words were stuck in my throat. Somehow saying it out loud was something else entirely. What if everything changed? What if they started treating me differently? I took a few deep breaths and reassured myself about my decision. My parents are incredibly liberal! They have so many friends who are gay. Finally I blurted it out. "I'm bisexual."

My parents looked at each other then said "okay." I was a little surprised at the lack of reaction. They seemed to almost... Not care. I was hoping it wouldn't change anything, but this was incredibly underwhelming. On the car ride home, I expressed my disappointment at their reception of my announcement and suddenly things went from underwhelmingly boring to overwhelmingly hurtful.

It turned into a debate over whether or not one can be bisexual. My stepdad saying that eventually if I'll fall in love and if it's a guy I'll be straight and a girl, I'll be a lesbian, but I can't be bisexual. My mom said something even worse. It started with the classic "how can you know if you've never had sex?" Then as the argument went on she said she had always thought bisexuals were just people who couldn't admit they were gay and that if someone was really bisexual, they would just take whatever they could get. I was told that I was confused, not gay enough, not admitting to being gay or just a slut. Needless to say, it was a horrible night. I gave them a truth about myself and they gave it right back to me, battered and bruised. They never spoke of it again. Everytime I've brought it up, it's been brushed off.

I was hoping that nothing would change when I told them and unfortunately I got exactly what I wished for.

“do it” she murmurs her dark hair flowing in the wind from an open window

“No” she said back.

“JUST DO IT,” she screamed. she aimed the gun at her own head her fingertips brushing against the trigger her soft brown hair stuck to the tears on her face. standing in her room gun in hand, her fingers brushed against the trigger once more. “Just do it” She murmured softly to herself. she closed her eyes in defeat as her finger came to rest upon the trigger.

“Mei! m-mei-mei?” She heard the voice of her 4 year old sister question what was happening, her voice quivered as if she could feel the sadness and tension in the room.

“Close the door Eva” She murmured shakily refusing to open her eyes too see such a sad scene playing before her eyes. she heard the door shut quietly and the soft patter of feet.

Her eyes snapped open at the pounding footsteps up the stairs her door burst open and she saw two of her very own terrified looking parents.

“Melinda w-what are you doing?” she heard the shaky voice of her mother. which was different from her usual melodious tone “What everyone wants mom.“she smiled sadly. “I don’t want this baby, don’t do this to me. don’t make me lose my baby girl.” Her dad cried, his blue eyes filled with tears unbelieving that his daughter would resort to this. “I don’t want this either, Mellie. i want you to live and get married a-and give me some grand babies.” Her mother said her original soft brown hair messily thrown into a ponytail.

“I-I’m gay, lesbian however you want to say it” she said quietly, she flinched at the anger in her fathers eyes “I-I d-didn’t mean t-to be, m’sorry” She hiccuped, fresh tears making its way down her face. she gripped the gun tighter her finger moving from its resting spot on the trigger “Give me the gun” Her father said sternly. “No” She shook her head rapidly, taking a step back.

her mother took a step forward, “Mellie i don’t care who you love as long as you love uncondinally. give me the gun, honey. just put it in my hand, and it’ll all go away. i’ll make it go away just like i did when you were 9, i made the monsters go away right, baby?” Seeing Mellie nod she continued “I’ll do it again, i’ll make them go away, baby” she said as her own tears made their way down her cheeks.

“Y-you promise? Y-you W-won’t let them h-hurt me again?” She hiccuped, rubbing her tears away with her free hand like a child. “No baby they’ll never touch you again.” Her mother took another step forward, Getting closer by the minute.

“p-promise, mommy” she said quietly staring into green eyes that matched her own. “I promise baby. i 100% promise they’ll never touch you again.” Mellie squeezed her eyes shut before releasing the death grip she had on the gun. it now hung loosely from her hand as she placed it in her mothers. her mothers hand quickly handed the gun to her husband as she collapsed with sobs. she fell to the ground catching mellie, brushing her locks of hair away as she cried murmuring her own apologies

she hated herself for loving woman. she thought the world would be better without someone like her. she hated herself because of something she couldn’t control. now she has to learn to love herself or let it destroy her.

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