selfies i’ll never post
welcome to my life
my camera roll is the host
i scroll through it, looking at selfies i’ll never post
you see...
i hate social media, but i hate myself the most
step 1. open camera roll
step 2. scroll
step 3. pretend your life is in control
meanwhile i’m looking at selfies i’ll never post
i have to keep up appearances or i’ll turn into a ghost
so i’ll continue to brag and boost
suffering from an irrational fear that they’ll rag and roast
“wait, how’s my hair?”
“yes, i care”
“oh, what should i wear?”
suffering from an irrational fear
so i stop and stare
before i crop and share
selfies i’ll never post
selfies i’ll never post
scrolling...
scrolling...
scrolling...
i hate social media
it’s so...
controlling
but i hate myself the most
i’m frowning
because i’m drowning
in all these selfies i’ll never post
...
Hugs
I often run from hugs not because I detest them but because I’m scared that I won’t be able to let go.
The Grapevine
~
merlot melts
the truth, our bane,
poured from lips
of scarlet stain.
crushing hearts,
vines flow like
veins;
s
p
i
l
l
i
n
g
secrets, aged in pain.
A Secret
I love to lie.
All the time,
every day
and every night.
I tell myself
"I'm alright"
but allow me
to tell you a secret;
"I'm not okay."
When I Am Alone
My tears rarely flow,
when they do, I note
their warmth on my face,
their salt to my taste,
'how they heal my fate.
In the kitchen
You know.. I looked at the knife twice. And then I looked back.
Is there anyone in the hallway?
Nah.. Everyone's sleeping..
There isn't much time left... I pick up the shiny steel.
And I press it down...
A smile lingers on my face,
.
.
.
I ate the chocolate cake, which wasn't meant for me!
Don't say it to my mom though..
It’s not a poem that teaches us how to live!!!!
Little secret:
Do you want success?
Want to change the world?
Do you want to see the real miracle?
Do you want to withstand various trials?
Do you want to gain respect, praise and win?
Have you ever considered changing your life for the better?
It may sound strange to me, but the truth is hidden in my this words
Alright then, I'll tell you a wonderful way that's proven worldwide, that is, secret
*************************************************************************************
L I V E L I K E A H U M A N
He’s dead to me.
I look at the picture frame. We're smiling. I'm asleep in the baby stroller, my mother's hand stablilizing my tilting head. My sister crouches next me, my borther brother bearing a toothy grin. My father kneels, in the background.
I havn't seen my father in years. His round, squared face, the evenly parted thick shining black hair seem foreign to me. He smiles in the photo, wearing a white short sleeved polo, his skin smooth and pale.
I remember, when I was younger he would come home, smiling, leaving work behind the doorstep. He would lift me, high above his head, and swing me from his arms. I would be a mountain climber, walking sideways along the cabinets, as he held me in place.
I would look out the window in the summer, and watch my father mow the lawn, a mask over his nose to avoid grass blades. In the winter, he would shovel the snow, and watch as I made snow angels and skated on ice puddles.
"You're father's home, honey."
This man is not my father. His face is sallow, his cheeks sunken in. His hair, an ashy gray, a thin layer atop his head. An unsmiling figure, his lip turned down, as though deep in thought. His skin, rough and chapped, like a desert in need of an oasis.
I don't play mountain climber anymore, or make snow angels. I mow the grass now, and shovel the snow.
It's terrifying, what stage three cancer can do to a person.
if my hands could mold planets,
I would.
if my breath could form mountains,
I would.
if my voice- if my eyes- if myself could,
I would.
But I Can’t.
don’t tell.
secrets
are only a secret
if kept with one person
you cannot have a secret
when you begin to share it with the world
that’s why i share this
the secret that i’m sharing is love
a secret love
i’m beginning to learn to have for myself