If all the suns but ours collapsed tonight, how many lifetimes would it take us to realize we were alone?
- Ransom Riggs
You gave me a chance
When no one else would.
The lump in your throat builts
until it feels like you can't breathe.
Tears began to prick your eyes and make the world blur.
Your face gets warm, but not a blush or smile.
And a panick in your head demands I hide my face.
"I wonder how your brother's doing?"
Those words stung, more than I would've liked to admit.
"How was your day?"
They always cared more about him than they did me.
"Don't interup your brother!"
Even though I was born first.
"Why can't you be more like him?
Everyone around me loved my brother more than me.
Despite all my attempts to be amazing
he always out shone me in every way despite being older than him.
But our parents always used that as an excuse to blame me for the disruptions.
These are the things I hate hearing the most...
The comparisons to my brother.
The steam that builds up
inside your body.
Threatening to explode.
When you finally do,
you attack someone who did nothing but help.
Yet they forgive you,
because they're there for you
when you overreacted.
I wish I could hide my heart
from those who wished it broken.
If I couldn't hide it,
my life wouldn't be so dark.
"Bye!" He waved to me, a smile on his face.
If you had told me that this was the last thing he'd ever say to me, I wouldn't believe you.
A few hours later, I got a phone call. He had gotten hit by a car and the doctors didn't think he'd make it.
This voice echoed in my head.
I paced the silent house.
The too silent house.
I paced for hours,
refusing dinner and water.
Hell, even the damned toliet!
I looked at the clock every second,
disappoited to see how much time had already passed.
I looked out the window at every sound,
disappointed to see a leaf or squirrel.
More hours passed.
The stars came out.
The moon set.
You finally got home,
You finally came to me.
You reeked of perfume
and badly hidden lipstick on your collar.
You looked disheveled.
It didn't hurt that you were cheating
or that you were gone for so long without telling me...
It was the fact that you thought I cared so little
as to not hide your crimes.
"Where were you?"
“The person you are trying to contact is currently unavailable, please try again later or leave a message.”
“Hey... I just wanted to ask how you’ve been. Since the break up.
I wanted to ask since... it’s been hard for me.
And I wanted to know how you are... without me...
I’ve been walking on hot coals with every waking moment.
I don’t mean to guilt you into anything but I just...
Didn’t want you to be feeling the same.
Sorry for wasting your time...
Call me back...
I hung up the phone, clearing my throat in an attempt to clear the lump that had grown there.
I slid down the wall, trying to contain my tears.
The phone dangled from my fingers, my arms lain across my kness that were pulled to my chest.
My voice kept breaking while I was talking, mostly because I was almost eager to hear his reply.
Because I wondered how he had been without me.
Why Do You Care?
Why do you care how about me?
In the darkest of moments you care.
Even if they were your moments you still cared about me.
If I was going to die, you'd try and stop me.
Why does my life affect yours so much that you'd try to keep me from Death?