~

enclave

the of

In your

heart,

the ethos of your within

being, all my body, the

spirit, soul, depths;

finds my life, your

discovers meaning; solace

all of me ~

to have and hold. soul,

Authoring love’s story, I’ve

with ink, indelible; found

written on my heart, my

always, home,

and sealed, become

inseparable. a part,

I’m

tucked

away,

within

each

f

o

l

d

.

There's a reason our heart is protected;

hidden beneath our flesh and bones.

This way, the choice to expose it,

is a risk that is yours, and yours alone.

We could wear our hearts as jewelry;

It could beat, as diamonds encase it.

Our hearts could be held in our hands,

so we could protect it, and embrace it.

Yet, our hearts are hidden inside;

where are deepest secrets are kept,

and it is most often given to someone,

at a time we least expect.

Unfortunately,

my heart is open.

When I saw you last,

it wanted to leap

and I held my breath,

acting as though calm,

but my face turned red.

Had I touched you then,

we'd have intertwined.

My heart will not hide.

Did I imagine

your reaction too?

if hearts

could be

hidden away

i would hide mine

right beside your own

in the pocket of your shirt

if hearts

could be

hidden away

i would hide mine

somewhere where you

could find it, when i am long gone

if hearts

could be

hidden away

i would hide mine

deep inside a tree, where

we used to sit, when it was us

if hearts could be hidden away

i would hide mine

with the child that was ours

but now it is only yours, for i have

been dust for so long, i know nothing but it

and the box i live in, all alone and cold

If hearts could be hidden

I wouldn't have shown you mine

For hearts are precious

And sharing it was my crime

If hearts could be hidden

Strangers we would be

For had I known you

A broken heart was guaranteed

If hearts could be hidden

Maybe I wouldn't have cried

For every truth untangled

Began to show how you had lied

If hearts could be hidden

It wouldn't have ended this way

For it was my fault for its exposure

But that was my price to pay

"But what's in there?" Her voice was like a windchime: high, melodic.

He sat down on his bed, looked around at his crappy motel room. Better than the last, at least.

"Just leave it be."

She jutted out a hip, flicked her ponytail over her shoulder. "What's in it?"

She wouldn't stop eyeing the chest he kept in the corner. Small, like a loaf of bread. Sometimes he kicked it under the bed so he didn't have to look at it.

Like he could forget.

When he didn't say anything, she rose from the flimsy chair she'd been sitting in. "Well, fine. Thanks for the mail."

He'd been picking up her mail while she was away. Work business, something he should try sometime.

She reached the door. He only had time to think for a split second.

"Wait up."

She turned back, and he rummaged in his pocket until he found the key he'd been looking for. He flicked it to her.

She gave him a smile. Nice smile, that. She crossed the room and picked up the chest. Slid the key in, turned the lock. Opened the lid.

He heard the thrumming from his spot on the bed. He leaned back, sprawling himself across the covers. Closed his eyes.

"Oh." She didn't seem too surprised. Much less disgusted than he'd thought, too.

"Why'd you hide yours?"

That's all she had to say?

He opened his eyes, looked at the water damage spot on the ceiling. Looked like a wolf's head.

"Don't wanna deal with it. Don't like people lookin'."

"Well, I just looked."

He watched that wolf's head. Like it was gonna come and eat him.

"It's no good to keep it locked away. You don't feel nothin'?"

He laughed bitterly. "I hid that thing years ago. Shame is, I still feel it. Sometimes I hope it just stops."

"I sure hope it don't." She said in that windchime voice. Ain't that sweet of her.

That thrumming was getting louder.

He heard her shut the lid.

"Now I seen it, so it ain't so hidden anymore. Not so bad, huh?" she said.

He sniffed, not wanting to look at her. That wolf was growing some pointy teeth, alright. Gonna eat him up. Rip his flesh.

"You better go."

She laughed. Sorta breezey. Matched the voice. "I see a man's heart in a box, I'm not leavin' that easy."

He ripped his eyes from the wolf. Stretched to look at the peeling paint on the walls, saw her figure standing by the beat-up table in the corner.

"You ain't runnin'?"

"Let me tell you. If you seen my heart, you'd be runnin'." She put his chest back in the corner, locked it.

He sat up.

"Everyone's got reasons to hide. But sometimes, you take a chance." She sat down again. That flimsy chair.

She held out the key.

"Keep it," he said slowly. "I'll take that chance."

From within the chest, he could feel his heart thrumming.

If hearts could be hidden.... perhaps I'd hide mine and bury it deep.

why?

because of these complicated feelings towards you.

I’ve known you for almost two years. We were merely casual friends but now we’re closer. We were talking about high school, just a casual conversation. You mentioned being “fascinated by technology and space”, ever since 4th grade you said. Then I started to wonder. Did you look up at the stars one night and wonder what lay beyond them? Or perhaps were you entranced by their shine or their endless numbers? Or were you sitting in class one day, maybe school had never interested you, but then your teacher began to talk about space. Maybe then something sparked your interest. Maybe then you sat up straight in your chair, maybe even leaned in a little to listen. Perhaps space was so vast and infinite and beautiful to you. Or maybe everything school related had always come easy to you, because I know you’re very smart, and then you learned about space, and had so many questions that it intrigued you. You just wanted to know more and more about it and it simply fascinated you as you said before.

But then I got to wondering, I didn’t know you liked space, what else don’t I know about you? It really only made me more curious about you than I already was. I want to ask you about everything, know your dreams, your aspirations, your fears. I want to know if there’s anything that you guard with your heart. I suddenly just want to know everything about you. Even the small things. You told me stories of your life, small details things that maybe other people don’t know. But when you told me these stories I would feel special and closer to you. Because when you told it I felt you. The genuine, raw you, your many layers of mystery uncovering themselves, even if just for a second. Your face lit up a little as you told it. Because this story was a different side of you, not the crazy outgoing side I always saw. But perhaps a more gentle and caring you in the stories.

There’s many mysteries to you now that I think about it. I just wish I could work up the courage to ask you about it and just know more about you. I’ve always been intrigued by you. Right from day one when I approached you and simply asked you how you were doing. Ever since then you pulled in my attention. As time went on I tried to convince myself that I didn’t like you, that I wasn’t falling for you. So I talked to other guys but none of them struck my interest like you did. Not in this way. Because with others I could talk with them and find out more about them but there was just something about you that was different. And I just couldn’t figure you out. Half a year passed and I couldn’t deny anything any longer. A couple months passed without seeing you and I tried to rid my mind of you but I just couldn’t. We’d text occasionally and I tried to think nothing of it. I knew when I saw you after all that time though, I knew then that I couldn’t help it and I had indeed fallen for you. I had asked how your summer had gone, we had a short conversation but my heart had never felt like this before.

I’ve had crushes before. But not like this. This isn’t just a crush, I think it’s something more and I really hate that. I don’t know how to deal with these emotions. I know in the end you’ll break my heart. I know that my ideas and delusions are simply my wild imagination, about to get me trouble, and just hurt myself. I don’t know what to do. I know we’re better as friends is it wrong of me to want something more? To wish for a chance, to wish that we could be a thing? Something beautiful i hoped. I don’t know what to make of these feelings, I want to tell someone and I so desperately want advice. I’m so conflicted i dont know if i want you back or if this is just some sort of after feeling that I’ll get over, I just dont know. I wish i could muster the courage to get it out, these feelings are building up inside of me. I dont even know what i feel anymore. I just wanna let it out. But i dont know how this time. I can usually talk about things easily, why is it so hard this time?

Why are feelings so hard? I just want a straight answer but at the same time im so fucking scared of that answer because i know that if i am really in love with you then I know im screwed. Because i know you’ll only break my heart in the end. But what can i do? Perhaps this will be a lesson for this heart of mine. Maybe that way I’ll tread more carefully and perhaps not fall for someone like this again. I just want to let go of you. And i cant. And that angers me so much. I hate you and i like you a lot you make my heart flutter and your stupid smile makes me smile and i hate that. So you see, who could I even tell about this? I just sound so petty. I probably am being petty i dont know. I dont know anything anymore.

so that is why

why my heart would be hidden

If hearts could be hidden,

How would we know that we're in love?

How would we ever get someone to love?

If hearts could be hidden,

We'd not see the beauty of love

And love is a very wonderful thing to see!

If hearts could be hidden,

I'd not let you know that I love you too,

And you'd not let me know this either!

Since my heart's not hidden,

I can say that I love you,

And you tell me that you love me too!