Mrs. Duncan always gives Emma extra brownie points. Mrs. Duncan always gives Emma extra brownie points because she doesn’t have a dad. I wish I didn’t have a dad. Who wants a dad anyways? I told Mrs. Duncan that Emma could have my dad and I could take her brownie points instead. Mrs. Duncan told me that was a horrible thing to say and that she wasn’t giving Emma extra brownies points because she didn’t have a dad. She must have realized I had the better part of the deal.

I wish I didn’t have a dad.

I wish I had a dad like Emma did. One that was dead and couldn’t hit me when mom went out at night.

A new room

ready to be filled,

remains empty

gifts returned unused

furniture sold untouched

a name lingers unspoken

a heartbeat now silent

memories stay

our expected visitor

never arrived

she changes everyday

sometimes a lot

sometimes little

her eyes,

they know more

than they did before.

the shadows

beneath them, weigh

her down with

"growing up"

a disease that has yet

to find its cure

she changes everyday

sometimes i don't remember

what she looked like

the day before

her eyes,

red and puffy.

the shadows

over her head

have darker.

she changes everyday

sometimes she doesn't appear,

that little girl in the mirror.

though she's not really

little anymore.

disease groans in her veins

and in vain she resists,

that little girl in the mirror.

she changed everyday

until one day she was gone

My eyes are tight shut. My arms wrapped tightly around my 2nd grade teacher. I can hear their wings beating the air as they rush past us.

I swallow.

I walk blind through the course. Mrs. Hughes as my stick. We inch forward, slower than the other kids my age, laughing as they run up ahead.

My muscles are tight as I feel their small bursts of wind as they fly by. My knees nearly locked.

"Who wants a butterfly kiss?"

I open my eyes just a little to see a tour guide with a butterfly on the top of her hand. The other kids put their hand out as she lets the butterfly touch each hand.

I don't move. My muscles are frozen as I see the enclosing around me. Flying like driverless cars are hundreds of butterflies.

My brain went on overload. My ears popped. I could barely hear in one ear, and the other rang with a electrifying pain. Crying, my teacher rushed me out of the butterfly exhibit of Butterfly World.

I don't know why my mom sent me on that field trip. I wasn't joking when I told her I was afraid of butterflies.

i think sometimes the hardest can be the hello after you've said goodbye for the last time.

when you walk up to them but there's no recognition of you in their face. They say nothing and barely care to look up at you, if they could look up at you. After all, you were only talking to a stone in hopes that what lay beneath your feet would listen.

i hide in a shell

of small expectations

it protects me

from the reality

that surrounds

when i feel brave

i peek out

just to let people know i'm there

but once i'm seen

i sneak back in

i hide in a broken shell

of small expectations

light seeps through

its cracks

my eyes memorized

by what lies beyond

unbearable truth

a burden i don't want to bear

the fear of disappointment

of failure

of not living up

to great expectations

so

i hide in my transparent shell

of small expectations

we're all going to die in the end

don't be a sore loser

when I get to the finish line faster

you've never even tried to understand how i feel

i'm not ill, or mentally unstable

i'm completely alive

but

i'm slowly

dying

the finish line wraps about my neck

a tear trailing to the corner of my mouth

i'm smiling

i let go of it all

the finish line tightens

and i've won

a world without competition

there is no goal

nor fowl play

everyone starts off equal

and has no say

life becomes boring

and a chore

why would anyone want to stay

so i found my fate

on that fateful bridge

and jumped before it was too late

im scared.

im truly scared.

some people use lies as weapons

whereas i use lies as my shield

im scared.

im truly scared.

i want to show myself

but what if nothing works out

im scared.

im truly scared.

what if i knew what they whispered behind my back

what if it was exactly what i feared

im scared.

im truly scared.

what if im all alone

afraid to even talk to myself

im scared.

im truly scared.

if i told you why i lie

would you stay and listen