I Can’t Have Him Near.
Because when he is I can only think of one thing.
That one naughty yet delightful thing.
His skin on mine.
Creating heat hotter than the summer sun.
Voice in my ear.
Breathing.
Whispering.
Breathing quicker...
And quicker...
I can't focus if he's near.
He can't speak without my eyes on his lips.
His perfect pout.
Perfect shape.
Shiny from his tongue.
His teeth are just right there...
To bite with...
To bite my lip...
my neck...
Bite harder.
Baby.
Harder still.
He can bite me anywhere I don't care.
His hands are my weakness.
Cryptonite.
The way they hold mine above my head.
The way those strong hands make me small and obedient.
Willing to go anywhere.
Anywhere with him.
My handsome guilty pleasure.
I tell him to stay away.
Just far enough.
Otherwise I can't think.
I can't fucking think.
The bed all white.
Cloud white.
My heaven on earth.
It's unmade.
A reminder of what was just hours ago...
That sly smile.
Those green eyes inches from mine...
Reading my dirty mind.
Lobster & Sometimes Kiki
I am a little girl.
I like to be called big not little.
Today my name is Kiki.
Tomorrow I'll go with Savannah.
The next day maybe Claire or Charlotte.
You should try changing your name everyday.
It's fun to be someone new.
Momma doesn't like it but my Dad thinks I got creativity running through my veins.
But I don't even know what veins are.
I think they are something in my brains.
I hope veins are good and not bad like the chicken pox.
Momma and Daddy bought a new house.
It's very big and sits on a hill looking over the whole town.
I can see the ocean waving at me if I look out my bedroom window.
Seagulls poop all over the car.
Dad says he's going to get a shotgun and shot em all to smithereens!
I don't know what smithereens are but Momma says it's not a place you want to go.
Like the dentist I guess.
My puppy dog named Lobster, tomorrow named Marmalade, likes this house more than all of us combined.
She rolls in the grass.
She rolls on the hardwood floors while Momma polishes them.
She rolls in the seagull poo.
Daddy says Lobster is in heaven having so much room to spread her wings.
But Lobster has no wings that I can see.
But gosh! I wish she did!
Yesterday Lobster and I had a tea party under the old wood dock that Daddy pulled from the bay.
It smelled like rotting fish but I didn't mind it one bit.
Just as I was serving dessert, strawberry mud pies with extra extra whipping cream, I found something amazing!
It was a key.
Hanging from the underside of the dock on a little piece of string.
A key!
An old one like inside Grandpop's dusty antique shop.
I saw a whole bucket of em there on his counter.
I had asked Grandpop how much they cost and he told me those babies were priceless.
Priceless!
He said each and every old key holds stories and secrets and he kept them safe.
Not for sale! He'd say.
Not my job to let those secrets out. He'd say.
So when I saw that key dangling from the dock I snatched it off and washed it clean in my tea.
It was gold and as long as my hand.
My heart went thump thump thump in my chest.
It could open something fantastic!
A treasure?
A door to the North Pole where Santa hibernated?
A magical box full of talking rabbits.
Or talking cats!
It could open a safe with dollars inside.
I tell you what.
My stomach started flip flopping all around I was so excited.
I had to show Momma!
And Daddy.
And Grandpop!
But just then my hands starting getting all shaky and the key was all slippery...
And I dropped the key in the strawberry mud pie.
Lobster leaped into the air and nose dived into the pie slurping and licking as fast as she could.
I screamed because I didn't know what else to do.
But that didn't stop Lobster from gobbling that pie.
I covered my face as mud sprayed through the air.
And then Lobster was still and completely quiet.
When I finally uncovered my eyes everything was gobbled right up.
Even the key.
Lobster ate that key.
That key that was going to open something fantastic.
I may be little but my hearts broke.
That darned dog.
You should never invite Lobster to a party.
Not ever.
When I told Grandpop about the key he said it was better that way. It's not my job to let secrets out.
And don't tell Momma and Daddy Lobster ate a key. He says.
They'll find it soon enough. He says.
Whatever that means.
Worst Fear.
I lived my worst fear when I saw blood.
I saw blood there.
Right there.
Right there on that chair.
I got up.
Sat up.
Stood up.
And there was red.
So bright.
Brighter than the sun.
It screamed at me.
My legs weak.
My hands shake.
My head thinking only one word...
No.
No.
No.
No.
My eyes refuse to believe.
My stomach as if on cue tightens.
Releases.
Tightens.
My biggest fear.
Is you're gone.
Before I even met you.
Before I saw your face.
Your toes.
Your eyelashes.
It's all there.
In that chair.
Bright red.
People talk but I can't hear words.
Voices.
They are just voices.
Blurs in front of me.
I don't need to hear.
I already know.
My worst fear.
Right there in that chair.
That's where my heart broke.
Shattered right in two.
All before I got to meet you.
Romantic.
I need a romantic.
I know you're in there.
To hold.
To play with.
Toy with.
Candles.
Ridiculously scented candles.
Vanilla Dreams.
Pumpkin Spice.
And corny love notes.
Why do you stop when you have me?
So comfortable.
Lazy.
Stuck in a rut.
Sweep me off my feet.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Don't.
Stop.
Push me against the wall.
Hold my chin.
Don't.
Stop.
Ever.
Even when we are gray and tired.
Reach for my hand.
Blow me a kiss.
Send me a wink.
Shower my forever in flowers.
Gone Missing
Fall arrives and says hello.
A cold breeze whips by.
Leaves dancing in the sky.
Crispy.
Crunchy.
Leaves.
Golden colors paint our streets.
Pink sunsets and cloudless nights.
I see your breath.
Can you see mine?
Cuddling under blankets.
Cold hands against hot skin.
Bonfires blazing in back yards.
Only for a moment...
Fall came and said hello.
Patiently Winter waits.
Peeking around the corner.
Taunting from afar.
Why does it have to end like this?
Why can't Winter slip and fall?
Go missing.
Forget to call.