It doesn't have to be a fantasy.

Perfection isn't too fun, I say.

Not like that, at least.

Too easy.

It doesn't have to fit expectation.

I'd rather it didn't, actually.

How do I know it's this and not something else?

It just

is.

A simple promise.

"Even if we aren't together, I'm still yours."

"Nothing will change that."

It doesn't need to be anything more.

It just has to be enough for us.

It's perfect.

Most things are grey.

Bland.

I’m green, like the grass.

.

.

.

I saw orange again today.

I feel less lonely with orange.

I like orange.

I think orange might be my favorite color.

I like rain.

Not the scary storms, just the little ones that drizzle for a while.

Cloudy skies so it’s not too bright outside.

A soft breeze every so often.

The sightly damp pavement and the just barely sparkling grass.

The tiny rustle of the leaves and the sound of crickets in the air.

Some people think rain is sad.

Maybe so.

But rain eventually goes away, just like sadness.

It doesn’t go away forever, of course.

I can trust there will always be another cloud.

People don’t like being out in the rain.

Better to stay dry, obviously.

I don’t mind.

I like rain.

Stand up.

Wipe the tears.

Never mind the stains.

Take a step.

Stumble.

Fall.

Take a breath.

Stand.

Step.

Fall.

I still remember how to walk, don't I?

Then I'll make it.

The last two things I've written have been about you.

But it's not just you.

I never expected that many.

13 of you.

M. S. R. N. A. O. D. E. M. Y. H. I. K.

8 of you.

L. R. R. G. D. M. H. L.

6 of you.

K. K. S. M. S. L. L.

4 of you.

P. C. M. A.

You and him.

J. E.

You.

A.

And you.

L.

And me.

M.

8 profiles.

But so many more.

So much more.

First,

I made a friend.

And that made a family.

Remember.

How could I ever forget?

Remember-

I wouldn't dare try not.

Remember?

Of course I do.

Remember...

It's not over yet.

Remember.

It's only November.

The battle's only just begun.

Remember,

November 13th,

you won.

We won.

what do you mean

you have to go?

they can't take you.

i can't lose you.

don't leave me.

you're everything.

all of you.

i miss you

already.

it's been a wild ride.

fifteen years or so, right?

being honest,

i'm gonna miss you.

but life moves on.

things are changing.

the pen never stops.

a new chapter begins.

the scenery changes.

it's curtain call.

the first act is done.

a new stage, new show.

the story has only just begun.

i want you to have a choice

i want you to have a chance

i want you to be free

i want you to believe

i want to keep you safe

i want to make it okay

i want to make you happy

i want to make you see

you're not alone

i love you

hey.

i still have it.

that plush you gave me.

of course i do.

you knew me so well

in such a short time.

five years now, huh?

i never got to play that game.

i remember you wanted to.

there's so many more now.

funny to think we thought that was it.

do you remember when we would talk about it?

you've missed a lot.

i talk about it sometimes.

i just... talk.

i don't know if you hear me.

you promised you would.

i hope you can hear me.

it's been five years.

maybe not family,

but it hurt just as much.

i remember the day

march 21st

five years ago.

i was in gym class

third period.

i had to go home that day.

i lost my nana recently.

you and her are the only people close to me that i've lost.. like this.

i hope you meet her, wherever you are.

she's really sweet.

you'd like her a lot.

i can listen to that song now

without always crying

sometimes i do.

but i'm getting better.

i'll carry on, i'll carry on

and though you're dead and gone, believe me

your memory will carry on

you knew.

of course you knew.

i'm not afraid to keep on living.

i'm not afraid to walk this world alone.

i'll meet you again one day

join the black parade.