Last sunday i picked up my oncle from the state prison in california, after 8 years he finally got released. he was siting his time because of some “family business” who got busted by the cops.

When he got into my car i asked him where he wants to go, now that he is free. “i will take you any where you want” i repeated, after he finished an entire cigarette without talking at all.

“Kid” he said, “this may sound stupid but i want to visit my moms grave and then go to the McDonalds at popovka boulevard and eat a McFlurry with caramel and M&M’s in the public garden near by, i have some precious memorries from this place”.

“Then thats what we are going to do” i answered while giving the gas pedal some love, i can’t wait to get away from this prison, who knows if i will ever have to visit this shithole from inside.

“You know where your brother wanted to go, when i picked him up from prison last year”? i asked, when the silence in the car started to get painfully akward.

a long silence followed by exhaled smoke replaced his “no”.

“To a strip clup”

“Thats because he is a good man” he answered with an tired smile.

At the cementary he wanted some time alone at the grave, i let him. poor guy, they even haven’t let him out for the funneral.

Its a little harsh to go from seing an 60 year old mafia boss crying like a baby on his mothers grave, to stand in line with crying babys at McDonalds waiting for ice cream, but i guess thats the world of today.

The ice cream almost melted till we arived at a park bench wich was good enough for my oncle.

What a picture i thought to myself, two murderers in black suits who eat a McFlurry on a park bench.

“Look at this dog” my oncle points at a dog who runs in circles, trying to catch his own tail.“looks stupid dosn’t it, but yet we are doing the same thing. we all are chasing one thing, some call it money some happines, but what we really want is to be free”.

He lites another cigarette and continius with the speach: “eight years i was thinking obout this very day, the day i will finally catch my tail, what i didn’t think about, was the pain in my tail when i finally get to bait it and the fact that a dog will always stay a dog”.

“I am not free, kid” he looks me dead in the eye. “i am just out of jail”.

Lost in thoughts i wounderd with my eyes arround the park, he is right, every body is chasing something, is it freedom and what is freedome? wait a second that guy looks familiar.

I could swear that this is Jack Rubin walking over there. Jack Rubin is the guy who has sold out my oncle to the cops. Hm what a coincident... nah, it can’t be, my oncle had it all planed out, this son of a bitch!

I see in the corner of my eyes my oncle standing up and pulling out a gun, the entire park is silent now, my oncles gun fires two shots, Jack Rubin falls down, dead.

It all happend so fast that i am still sitting, my oncle sits down next to me and lays the gunn down on the ground.“i got it from moms grave, if you are woundering”.

“Why? you just got out!” i screamed at him, i was mad, this will cause me trouble aswell.

“Sorry kid, i just wanted to be really free”.

“How in the fuck are you free now?! the cops are going to show up every second, and put you back deep into jail!”

“Real freedom is accepting that you will never be completely free,kid. people have to eat, drink and sleep, no body asked you if you want to be born or when and how you want to die, our friend Rubin over there is the perfect example. dogs will always be dogs and murderers will kill. today i finally bit my tail but i knew that there is going to be pain and emptiness instead of a relief, knowing and accepting this on the other hand, does finally feel like being truly free”.

Madness is waiting for a moment, a thing, a person who will make you happy.

Why madness?

- Because that’s the name of the illness that will come over you, while waiting for that thing who will bring meaning to your live.

So happiness is meaning ?

- Yes, because what else?

Why Sparta?

- Because Xerxes believed that he needs to rule the world in order to feel complete, but king leonidas said “madness?” Not here, here we are minimalists and happy with our simple life, because “this is Sparta”!

There where times where comedians got famous by dirty topics and words,

actresses and models by showing us nipples in herds.

But everything has it’s price in this world,

and the payment is up to the the man of word.

We have to chose carefully what we write,

till the wrong is back to right.

So let us hope that our children will live in a well balanced world,

where no noise is maken by droping the wrong word.

It’s written in the old books, that every child has an angel who sits with him in the womb and teaches him every wisdom on earth for nine month.

When the time comes, just a second before the baby steps into this world, his teacher will give him a little slap on his upper lip, wich will make him cry and forget everything he learned.

One angel forgot to hit his student, and it was time for the mother to cry.

The wise baby choose not to breathe, because he knew it all, he knew that a man is better dead than alive.

i run away

first for a month

then for a year

it all dosn’t matter

because now i am back here

like at days where thounder was still scary

now it’s, when and who i am going to mary.

once again i am packing my bag

thinking, this time

i may not even come back.

“will i ever see you again”, she asked

“sure sure” i answered fast.

i changed my religion

and run away once more

in a different direction then before.

this time i am overseas

desperate for some ideas

what should i do with my life

and who even says that i need a wife.

comming back this time was different

the house was empty with a sign “for rent”.

the key still fits perfectly

but no body is in there to comfort me.

what would it take,

so my last memory of you,

won’t be a cold hand shake.

i would do it without hesitation

even scream my love to you, to the whole nation.

mom its me, your son at thirty two

saying for the first time, i love you.

Can’t sleep. Go outside. Light cigarette. Smoke. Walk. Dark alley. Already 3 am? shit. Stranger walks by, smoking.

stranger: forgotten how to sleep?

me: my thoughts don’t let me.

stranger: Maria?

me: how do you know my ex?

stranger: I am you. Look closer.

he takes a step into the Light.

IT IS ME!

stranger: I will replace you, in your miserable life you have built for us, and you will live mine.

From this day on, no body has seeing me smile, Because angels don’t.

it’s just me, alone at home, sitting on the couch in my fathers boxer shorts.

where is my life heading, and why should i bother?

Watch some you tube, the whiskey of the weak,

escape from reality for another hour, just to find it’s worst then before

now, go ahead and watch some more.

piano sounds comming out of the bathroom, i am opening the door,

there is my father, naked, playing the piano under the running water.

Write it down on prose, the whiskey of the strong,

escape from reality for another hour, just to find out its the same as before

now, go ahead and write some more.

here father, those belong to you, from now on, i am on my own

naked as the day i was born.