I'd always thought you were the one

Ready to shout it from roofs and above

The way you felt me and I saw you

made me think we'd stay here alone

But after a year and nearly a half

I realized I'd seen you as my all, my home

Silly, when did you forget

you shouldn't build houses from people

bones were bound to fall apart

I always found ones that filled my book

He became a sentence,

on my mind for a while.

He'd caught my eye with his stunning lines

Then she 

she was a full paragraph, 

filling in the gaps,

making me laugh more only with love

I liked her a lot, she was almost it

Until I met you and I lost it

You were the one I couldn't escape,

needless to say I never even gave it a try,

because why would I try to fight the one

that was far more than them all

Instead of paragraph or sentence there

- the title you became

Even if alone

I'd still go

I cherish the fire within myself

Not ever would I look back

then present fades

This life is my past

why would I give a damn

I won't shatter

I won't brake

you can try me

you can fail

I'd still leave

if you held my hand

I'd still choose me

if you ever said you needed me

Just face it, dear

we're both to ambitious

too big of dreamers

to leave it all

just for a pa-thump in heart

Did you see me standing alone

watching you fade away

you were my biggest faith

in this infinite universe

I believed, no matter what

that there was a chance for us

maybe not here, not in this time

still a parallel universe

Would you still hold my hand

would you still say you care

would I still take your heart

and squeeze it shut

Just standing still in the wind

waiting in 

a different universe

Can't quite decide

go through it or not

Why'd you stick together

a broken glass

It burnt, I cried

it burnt, you lied

Couldn't you just fight

for us this one last time

Hate you for leaving me,

you had given so much hope

and ruined it

every time you'd feel too strong.

I know I was mean,

too honest for you

- a boy acting a man,

a girl hurt too much.

We were both too stubborn,

always fighting to be right.

How did you miss 

that I just wanted us

until again

I hated you for leaving me

because how can I not,

when you never stopped giving up

I left my heart for the road

Cause I didn't need it, yeah

She wanted my flesh and bones

And I let her keep it

And I am the one to blame

For what's left of me has changed

/Precious - Kevin Garrett/

The end of 1st year in university.

"Jane, we're gonna be late! Get up, would you?"

I groaned, covering my face with a blanket, "Leave me alone!"

Hearing him leave my room was the best feeling ever. A pleased smile made its way to my face as I curled up in my bed.

Here I come, sleep, my precious little friend.

Or so I thought.

****

"J, you look like a shit," said Stacey, one of my friends I had gained in university.

This girl was really beautiful, nice and smart. You could say the whole package. She had huge, brown eyes, blonde, long hair, not to mention her perfect curved body. She was like a Victoria's secret model gone live. Besides, this girl knew how to use this for her advantages.

"Thanks to my best friend, who splashed ice cold water on my face as if it was a freaking ice bucket challenge," I sent death glares to Jack who was grinning as if he was a little child who got a candy.

"You know you love me, J," he sent me a wink.

"It's not like it's my choice," I sighed chewing on a gummy bear.

We were now on a trip to Cali, because Staceys one of boyfriends apparently lives there and he offered for us to stay at his beach house for the summer. Stace wasn't exactly a relationship type of person, she was more like the one who has loads of bf's all around the world. She is all about the fun.

Meanwhile Jack still hadn't gotten anything from Elena. She was gone. Just like that.

I was really concerned about the way he felt, but he never seemed to express how bad he felt about it.

As for me.. A lot had changed, since I left him. Parts of me were repaired, yet some stayed broken.

I did the right thing. My inner self was trying to convince me and I knew I did. But not for myself, I did this for him. For Jack.

If you have someone you've known since diapers, basically your whole life then tell me you would leave that person you call your best friend go through the pain alone. You wouldn't. And this is exc-

"We're heerreee!" Stacey's voice made me travel back to life.

"Finally!' I was so excited not because we were here but because we had travelled from England to Cali and you can tell it was a lot of flying in a plain and riding in a car. I sure had a jet lag.

I opened my door and my mouth literally dropped to the ground.

"Is this a Disney castle or what?" I blinked and looked at Jack whose expression was as shocked as mine.

In front of us was a white mansion and it honestly looked like a modern castle. I can't even describe how beautiful this house was. My dream house was the only way to describe this house.

"Babe!" Stacey screamed in a happy voice as she ran towards a guy who I assumed to be one of her boyfriends.

Thanks to my incredible eye sight all I could tell while checking him out was that he was quite handsome , with pretty masculine body (because his v-neck t-shirt showed everything he was hiding under it), perfect sense of style and cute dark brown hair as well as he had a perfect jawline. But he had this scar on his neck that I had seen befo-

"Hi there, J," he took of his sunglasses and stared at me with his ice cold green eyes, not to mention the well-known grin spreading all across his face.

"Wh-" I was confused and I felt all blood leaving my body.

"Nick?! What the fuck?!" Jack cut me off and said exactly what I intended to say.

That was the last thing I heard before fainting.

Come take my heart of glass

and give me your love

I hope you'll still be there

to pick the pieces up

/Fragile - Kygo ft. Labrinth/

I breathed in, in desperate need for air in my lungs. This is what sucked about anxiety attacks, you couldn't control them in any way possible, as well as you couldn't predict them.

And here I was - dressed in my perfect red dress, in front of my perfect, soon to be ex class and every teacher and parent that helped us all go through the whole school experience.

Sadly I wasn't in the best position.

I knew this moment would come, but as I felt his eyes piercing in my body, trying to find something that would make him less confused about the situation I was in.. I knew I had to be strong.

Because if you love someone, you have to set it free. If it comes back - it loves you, if not - it was never meant to be.

Or maybe I was just dumb, because if was clear this would destroy everything.

Forgive me Nick, I whispered to no one in particular.

"Thanks for the long wait," I said awkwardly smiling at the public in front of me , "I'm of course going to the same university as my best friend Jack and will study in art and design."

Okay, now keep calm, Jane. Do not fucking break in front of them.

I turned around, letting the next person come to pick up his diploma. But as I turned, all I could look at was him.

He was staring at me and I could see the anger, disappointment and confusion in his eyes. But most importantly it was pain. I had betrayed him. The only person he loved, counted on had betrayed him.

Feeling tears fill my eyes, I quickly returned to my seat, noticing him shaking his head in denial.

Of course he couldn't quite believe that his girlfriend for such a long time just threw away all their future to be with her best friend.

Will he forgive me?

My brain said no without thinking about it a second.

He is going to be in California, while me.. in the UK. I would be stupid if I thought he would still want to be in long distance relationship after all I've put him through.

It would be cruel.

Yet still my heart could only think of one thing.. Hope it is.

Stop it, you're in the middle of your damn graduation yet you're thinking about boy issues. Wake up!

And so I did, confusingly looking around as everyone had already started to take pictures and I was the only one sitting on the stage.

He had left.

I shook away the thought of chasing after him just like in some romantic japanese drama.

I put on the best smile I could in my condition and left the stage to take pictures with my class and family.

**

My heart was barely pounding while my breathing got heavier. I was standing in front of his door, helpless and in fear not knowing how he will react.

I assumed for him to cry, be hurt by my decision and betrayal.

Here I go.

I picked up my.. His keys an unlocked his door.

Immediately my legs made their way to the bedroom. To say I was scared and felt bad was an understatement. I stopped for a second looking down at my hands that were currently shaking.

I went inside the bedroom, looking at nothing but bed.

You might think it was completely normal, but it really wasn't.

Quickly opening the bathroom, I saw nothing but bathroom. No towels, no shower gels, nothing. I ran to the closest closet, finding nothing there. It was empty.

This place was empty.

That made me think if it was only this place that was empty or was it me.

I had come here in hopes of closure, new begging, restart, anything. Not this. He had left me before I had left him.

And the worst thing was the fact that I knew it was what I deserved.

If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone

/Home - Phillip Phillips/

I stepped outside my car and walked towards Nicks house. As I went inside, I could tell it was weirdly silent. I slowly went towards Nicks room.

What a surprise. He was asleep and it still kind of surprised me that he wasn't the snoring type of guy. I guess I was lucky. Sheets were only covering his perfect Italian ass and since he was sleeping on his stomach, his muscular, tanned back came to my gaze. I sighed. He is just way too good for me.

I made quiet, careful steps towards his bed, slowly taking my clothes off, knowing they won't be needed later. Only in my underwear I crawled into his bed, making my way on his back, placing kisses from his waist to his neck, putting my legs on both sides of his body. He groaned as I sucked on his neck, leaving a hickie.

''Well, well, isn't this the best way waking up?'' He murmured, a stunning smile escaping his lips, ''good morning, sweetheart.''

''I don't know, you tell me,'' I grinned, once again biting his neck playfully.

"Morning, sunshine!" I grinned, because I knew he didn't enjoy me calling him sweet nicknames. Boys and their egos..

Before I could react he was on top of me, holding both of my arms on top of my head and kissing me passionately. He let go of my arms as they made their way to his neck and beautiful dark brown messy hair, pulling him closer to me.

He then started placing kisses up my stomach, reaching my ear, biting it the way it made my body scream from joy and pleasure.

You can spend the rest of your life in his bed, but you have only a day left to tell him.

"Babe, as much as I love this and, I swear, It's hard to stop, but I have to tell you something.." right as these words left my mouth I regretted saying it.

He crawled next to me, fixing his green eyes on mine. His body waiting for what I will say next.

I swallowed, but suddenly my mouth was dry. He deserves to know. I tried reminding myself.

"I just wanted to say that I love you," I smiled as genuine as I could. I do love this guy, but just let me enjoy this paradise a little more. I leaned in to kiss him.

He was surprised. It was easy to feel as he didn't reply to my kiss at first, but then slowly falling into our kissing rhythm.

Jane, you're officially nominated for the best liar and worst girlfriend.

***

"Should I wear red or pink tie?" he screamed from the bathroom. He came outside showing me both of them only in his boxers and white shirt. He is such a turn on.

I grabbed his tie and pulled him closer, placing a kiss on his perfect lips, trying to pull him back in the bed.

He groaned and pushed me back. "We have our high school graduation in less than an hour and all you can think about is sex?" he widened his eyes, but I just grinned.

He knew the effect he left on me. I couldn't do anything about it!

"Fine! wear the red one. It will match my dress. But I personally don't mind us staying in this bed and pass on our graduation."

He looked at me with sad smile, knowing we can't do that. Well, not on our graduation.

Less than an hour and he will find out. Shit. He will never forgive you.

I sighed, putting a pillow on my pathetic face.

"Sweetheart, is everything alright?" Nick looked at me with concerned eyes.

"No.. I simply will miss this. You. Us. School. Y'know?" I once again smiled, cursing myself mentally.

It wasn't exactly a lie, thought.

Smooth, real smooth, Jane. Keep telling yourself that.

"Baby, it's school that is soon to be over, not us," Nick smiled warmly and kissed my forehead, "Okay?"

Instead of replying, I just nodded.

It would be over without a doubt when he found out what I had done.