When we walked arm in arm

I felt like we can throw away

The forces of our past

And I know too

It's been the hardest days for you

Let's throw them out the window

That's what those lovers do

/Down by the river - Milky Chance/

''Daaaad, my head hurts. Don't make me go to school.. please?''

''Jane, it's just your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity. Now, get up!''

''Ugh, fine. I'll have my revenge in the basketball court tomorrow.''

I guess dad was right about the fact that I shouldn't of gone to Jacks game yesterday, but it wasn't my fault that I had accidentally tripped over something and ran into wall.

Clumsy, that's one way to describe me..

Anyways Jack is my best friend, I couldn't of not gone.

I quickly got up and ran outside, picking up my backpack and lunch on the way out.

And there he was, still as handsome as ever.

''Hey there, fatty. How did the game go yesterday?'' I said as I jumped on his back so he could give me a piggy ride to school.

Not to mention, hot back. This guys over here was my bestie since I could remember myself. Well, not really, but I remember on the first day of school I was sitting all alone and this guy started bullying me, but then this cute guy with hazel eyes and light brown hair came over and ironically smashed his cupcake all over the guys face. The bully started crying, and Jack told me that I will have to pay for that cupcake with friendship. And I did, the whole time until this very day.

''Who's the one to talk. Jane, you're starting to get heavier day by day. But we won, obviously.'' I could feel him grinning like an idiot. What can I do if my best friend's a fool..

''Soo.... How's things going with Elena?'' Elena was his crush. A really shy, yet beautiful girl with an amazing gift - singing. As well as she was blind enough that she couldn't see Jack drooling over her.

''It's fine..'' He was blushing, my adorable bestie was blushing over girl. I need to write that down somewhere, because this was a first in our long friendship.

''Did you guys finally ki-'' I couldn't finish my sentence, as Jack had already placed a hand on my mouth, seeing Elena approach.

This girl was whole other level of beautiful. I assume her dark brown hair and blue eyes didn't make Jack resisting her any easier.

I smirked. ''Go, get her, tiger!'' I shouted so Elena would see us and got off Jacks back to push him to her side. I hugged Elena and she blushed, how cute she was..

''Gotta go guys, see you later!'' I winked at Jack and left.

Obviously I was just giving them some extra private time together. Their relationships were only starting to bloom like cherry blossoms.

I felt myself bumping into someone thanks to my daydreaming.

''The fuck? Are you blind or something?'' I knew this voice. It was Nick. My new, hot, not to mention annoying classmate.

I just kept on walking, ignoring him, because I couldn't be bothered to fight in the morning and this guy was pure trouble.

''Are you ignoring me? Jane get back here.''

I began to run when someone suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me up the stairs that went to the schools roof. I opened my mouth to scream but then I felt someone starting to kiss me. It was a familiarly harsh kiss.

I pulled him away and he began to kiss my neck.

''Nick.. stop, we can't.. Not here.'' I said, feeling my legs go weak.

Yes, he was my new, yet annoying and hot classmate. And yes, we had something going on but it wasn't like we were couple. It wasn't real. This guy was forcing this on me and achieved it by blackmailing me.

''Is it because he's here?'' I immediately realized who he was talking about. This made me annoyed, but still I felt my cheeks paint the shade of light red.

''You promised not to mention him. Why are you doing this?'' I hissed.

''Just tell me you don't want this and I'll stop.. or not.'' He knew I couldn't say or do anything. He knew yet he said this. If I insisted then he would tell Jack about my crush on him and that would completely ruin our really long friendship. I had known Jack ever since I remember myself, after all. Obviously, for me it was something more than friendship, but for him it's been us like two brothers. He would never look at me that way. Feel the friend zone?

Nick smirked, seeing as I would not be saying anything and started to touch my breasts, soon enough I felt him taking off my see-through cropped lace shirt, leaving me only in my black Calvin Klein bra and high waisted shorts as well as over knee socks and my favorite pair of my black velvet heels. I tried to hide everything I could with my hands.

''Don't hide. You're beautiful.'' He said as he took my arms away and kissed me everywhere he could. I realized my hands were reaching up to his head, searching for his chin to look in his eyes. For a second I actually thought his muscles tensed and his jaw as well,but then he suddenly looked me in the eyes and as I thought he was about to say something he started to kiss me as if that was something he needed not like he just did it for fun. I was once again having mixed feelings.

Schools bell rang and we both slightly jumped from the surprise.

''We'll finish later'' he said as he left me alone, on the roof. Not to mention - only in my bra and the rest.

Could I get anymore confused?

*****

''You kids should stop being late for the lessons. I don't know what you do and why it's like that and in fact I'm sure I don't want to know but next time you'll get detention," the teacher scolded us.

Right now I was so happy Jack wasn't my classmate anymore and he wouldn't know I was late, which meant no questions and him being suspicious over me. Also the fact that Mr.Robinson was a cool teacher and wouldn't give us detention really helped. But we really had to stop doing these things in school.

''Sorry, we won't be late again.'' I smiled at Mr.Robinson and knowing the affect I left on guys I knew he would let us go now. He smiled, awkwardly cleaning his glasses.

''You guys can go now.''

I started walking away and felt Nicks sneak arm around my waist.

''Could you please not do this in the school?'' I felt my voice crack by the way he made me feel. Jane, he's bad. He's bad for you, don't start having feelings for him.

''That's not up to you, remember?'' He smirked.

This had been going on since september and it was already april, so I was pretty aware that he doesn't care about my feelings.

I suddenly felt his arm leaving my waist, that part of my skin starting to feel cold.

I turned around in confusion. He just left as I saw Jack approaching. When Jack came by, Nick would always leave and that was way more confusing than everything else. Guys usually protect their girls, don't they? But then again, we were far from being official.

"I think, I'll ask her to be my girlfriend today and I need your help," Jack surprised me with his outburst.

''Aww, little Jackie wants to ask someone out," I teased, "anyways, what can I do for you?''

I did have a crush on him but he was also my best friend. I would never do anything to destroy this for him.

His happiness is my happiness.

***

''Lets just watch Hangover, it never gets old.'' I laughed as we couldn't decide what to watch but because we both loved Hangover, we just decided to go with it.

''Do we need popcorn or anything? I mean, I know summer bodies are nice but so are these brownies over there. Oh, and look at the tasty looking jelly beans!!'' I squealed looking at all the sweets on display.

''Screw summer bodies, if guys don't want us we still have each other, don't we?'' Elena grinned at me.

Yes, she was quite shy, but me and her had gotten quite close despite the fact that she was about to get the guy I loved since the day I realized that there were genders and he was the opposite of mine.

Not to offend people who like their own gender, I had nothing against same sex love, because it was still love. But I simply didn't feel that way about girls.

We picked up 2 huge boxes with caramel popcorn and a large cup of cola, also 4 pieces of brownies. This cinema was the best because it was the only one that had brownies in it. We sat in the middle row and laughed about how stupid our behaviour was. We weren't drunk, but we mostly looked like that if we were together.

It was the end of the movie and since we were the only people left in here, the show begun. On the huge screen appeared Jack.

''Hey, Elena. Be prepared to hear my long speech specially made for you. I hope I won't make this awkward for you. Thank you for the help, Jane, you're the best.'' Jack smiled in his most stunning smile, I could tell by his looks how much he was in love with this girl because he would never smile at me like that.Jack once again started to talk and I knew these words weren't for me, so I kissed Elena's cheek, wished her luck and left.

I knew what Jack will tell her while he's on the screen and when he will come in and bring her the big pizza box, she will open it and there will be words ''I know it's far too cheesy, but will you be my girlfriend?'' and then they will kiss and they will be an official couple. I knew because we had talked through this scenario around 10 times.

I started to walk and obviously it was raining outside. What a clichè. Even the sky was crying for me.

Walking somewhere, yet nowhere I realized I was in front of Nicks door. I knew I had to turn around. I must. Why the hell am I even here? It was pathetic. I could get any guy I wanted not to be a complete bitch, but the guy I wanted preferred another girl, and the guy I didn't want and who didn't want me was using me and I guess you could tell I was using him as well.

It was so fucked up. I turned around, heading towards my home, but then I saw Nick coming out of the grocery store that I was walking by. He looked at me confused but then it seemed like he realized something looking all over my body and soaking wet clothes, as he just didn't even make any rude remarks about this situation like he normally would of.

Just don't break in front of him, I told myself. He ran to me and I could see his face having worried expression.I could tell, but why?

''What the hell did he do to you?'' He was angry. His eyes analyzed my face and scanned my body with his hands, touching my freezing hands and lips as well as burning hot forehead and I felt my skin reacting to his touch, it suddenly felt warm even thought I was for sure freezing.

"You've got a fever. Come on, let's go to my place," he said, taking off his hoodie and putting it over me, as well as his diamond beanie and I knew he was about to pick me up.

I took a step back, scared of the way I felt. I was so utterly confused, I had no idea of where to even start.

''What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck are we doing? What's even happening between us?'' I took another step away from him, scared of the affect he left on my body.

He was looking at me in this concerned way. As if I was a diamond that could explode if he touched it. I hated it.

''Don't look at me this way. I'm fine, I don't need your help. And you're a jerk, you're using me. You don't even like m-'' He hugged me, as tight as he could, so that I could still catch my breath.

''Look, I can't promise to solve all of your problems, I just promise you that you won't have to face them alone.'' These words were everything I had to hear and more. He was being cheesy without being cheesy. I didn't know how he felt about me, he didn't know how I felt about him, but as for now, for each other we were all that we needed.

I wrapped my arms around him and let this jerk grow on me like no one had before.

You're my downfall, you're my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

/All of me - John Legend/

Next school year - 11th grade

I opened my eyes and first of all checked my phone, of course.

''Shit, shit, SHIT!'' I cursed at myself, knowing that yet another day which just so happened to be my first day of my last year in high school,I was going to be late.

Trying to quietly get out of this bed unnoticed was impossible, as I felt his arm wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him. He was starting to place small kisses down my neck when a sigh full of pleasure escaped my lips.

''Babe, we have to get up or we're going to be late for school," it was hard to say knowing that I'd rather spend my whole life in this bed than go to school.

He didn't reply, only slipped his hand inside my shirt, touching my bare skin and slowly starting to massage my breast which made me moan. I didn't want to, but I tried to undo his right arm that was still round my waist but before I realized it, he was on me, holding his weight on his muscular arms that were placed both sides of my body. He then placed his index finger on my lips and made a line of kisses down to my breasts again causing me to moan once again. My hands made their way up to his neck and pulled his head closer to mine. Our lips connected and I immediately felt the electricity when our skins touched. I tried to kiss him, wanting him oh-so-badly but no results.

''We're going to be late, won't we?'' he said as a smirk escaped his lips.

This asshole knew what he did to me, yet he still gave me this torture, teasing me as if there was no tomorrow. After getting up he put on a white v-neck shirt, dark brown shorts and a black leather belt, as well as his vans, he grabbed his black leather jacket and looked at me flashing his millions of dollars worth smile.

''I know you like what you're seeing, and we can continue later, but you said yourself - we're going to be late. Get up, babe!''

Two can play this game, darling. I smiled and got up only in my thong and white v-neck shirt, walking past him in the most seductive way possible and leaning down in front of him to grab my white mini-dress, floral jacket and wedges. I knew he would be biting his lip to not groan after seeing my ass.

''Ready.'' I smiled showing him my tongue and giving him quick kiss on the cheek. I knew my weapons.

''I'll have my payback later, sweetheart,'' he said grabbing his keys.

We both walked outside to get on his perfect motorcycle. In no time we were already in front of the school.

''I did not miss this place,'' I said as we parked. I quickly got off recognizing the perfect couple walking past us.

''Jack! Elena!'' I shouted, running to hug them, ''Gosh, guys, I missed you both so much! How have you been? Tell me everything!''

I hadn't seen these two for the whole summer after they left to Bali, to live in Jacks aunts beach house for the summer vacation.

''Oh, we missed you too. But lets talk later, we don't want to be late, do we?'' Elena smiled in her angel like smile but I could see that there was clearly something bothering her. Jack hugged me once again which caused me to sigh in really happy way and then they headed in.

''Lets go, babe. What's taking you so long?'' I looked back as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. I could feel that something was bothering him as well but I guess I'll bring that up later. I put my hand in his as we walked in the school.

****

''Yeah, I clearly didn't miss this,'' I said as I yawned and stretched every way possible. It was the lunch break and the perfect couple, me and Nick were sharing the table

''Cmon, you're such a whiner, Jane!' Said Jack and then I felt french fries flying in my face.

''Are you five or what? I'm wearing a white dress, Jack!'' Everyone on the table looked at me in confusion. I know, I wasn't normally the girl who was worried about my dress, in fact, I wouldn't normally wear a dress. But I had changed.

''Mind stop staring at me as if I'd suddenly turned into a pig?'' confusion disappeared from their eyes and they looked relieved.

''For a second I actually thought my Jane was gone,'' I blushed. This coming from Jacks mouth still made me blush. My Jane.

''In case you haven't noticed I'm not 15 anymore, I'm 18, fatty," I said, acting angry but a laugh still managed to escape my lips.

''But you still call me fatty. Doesn't seem like you're 18, Fatty."

I took my fries and threw them his way. His eyes widened in shock and I had to bite my lip not to start laughing. He grabbed his cola and stood up grinning as if he won a lottery.

''No,no, no. I'm sorry, Jack, just don't. It's designer, please ,don't!'' I cried slowly getting up, taking my shoes off to get ready to run.

He smirked, ''sucks for you."

I ran, knowing well that he was way faster runner than me. I looked back to see if he's there and it turned out to be the biggest mistake. I felt it. Cold, smelly, sticky cola everywhere on my body.

''Oh, no, you didn't!'' I shouted and threw someones drink on him. This started the whole schools food fight.

I laughed feeling so free, yet dirty. I hadn't had this much fun since he had left to Bali. I hugged him tightly.

''I love you, Jackson Reed.'' I wasn't lying, not a bit.

I knew my feelings weren't gone and I felt him holding his breath. After I put an apple pie on his head, he knew that I only meant it as friends. This caused me to sigh in relief, I missed this guy, our friendship. A hand grabbed both of our shoulders.

''I'm sorry to stop your homie moment, but we should get out before principal finds out that you were the ones that started this, guys.'' Elena smiled at us and we all headed to the roof.

This had become our hang out spot a while ago.

''May I ask for a favor from you all?'' Elena looked at ground and blushed as if she had done something bad, this got me worried. Me and Jack shared a confused look.

''Sure, hun. What's up?'' I said.

''I'm having a little concert at Billies bar tonight. I wanted for everyone I love to be there. And you guys are obviously at the top of the list. So..? Can you make it?'' she looked at us with concerned eyes.

''We will be there! Promise," I looked at her and then my eyes slowly traveled to Nick who nodded, agreeing as well.

Soon enough Jack and Elena started being all cheesy, so I had to stop it.

''Get a room, love birds,'' I hit Jacks shoulder and he blushed.

Still can't get used to this. My bestie blushing over girls. I felt like a proud mama. This caused me to laugh at my own thoughts. Everyone's eyes turned to mine confused.

''Oh god! I'm not crazy, don't look at me like that!'' and so we all begun to laugh.

This I surely did miss.

**

We all sat on the bar, and watched Elena sing after we had ordered our drinks. Damn, she had the voice of an angel. She sang all kinds of songs, most about growing up, finding her way. This concert was going on for about an hour, her mom , resting her head on her dads shoulder, both sharing a proud grin. They were the cutest parents ever.

And then I looked at Jack.

The way he looked at her, as if she was the only person in the room, he was proud to be her boyfriend. I put my hand on his shoulder.

''You know, you guys make a perfect couple,'' I smiled at him, but he didn't move his eyes from Elena.

''Thanks, you really are the best, Jane," he looked at me and gave me a quick hug.

I hugged him back, hearing Elenas voice in the mic.

''Thank you everyone for being here today and listening to me for this long of a time. Now I'd like to sing my last song,'' I saw her laying her eyes on Jack, ''I will sing John Legend song all of me and this is for someone special. Hope you enjoy!''

She breathed in, her breath shaking and started playing on her guitar.

Everyone seemed to hold their breaths as well and anyone could see the tears in her eyes as she sang

Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you.

Love your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections.

Cause I give you all of me.. And you give me all of you.

She was still looking only in Jacks eyes, as tears slid down her cheeks.

And then I felt it.. She put her heart into this song, in this relationship. But I could feel that this was it. I realized where the strange vibes about something being wrong with her.

She was saying goodbye to Jack with this song.

And if love is a drug I don't want it

Because I don't have any self control

The harder I try to get off it

The more I can see that I need it

/Hostage - Danrell x Smaland/

After 2 months

"Jack, stop being such a child, Elena's leaving in an hour, we need to leave now!'' I cried, trying to make Jack leave his bed.

After Elena's concert in the bar, she officially announced that she and her family are moving to live in Cali in a month, because of an offer she got from a record company.

At first Jack couldn't even talk to her, he didn't want to lose her. That made me beg Elena's parents to let her stay in my house for one more month and after a long discussion about pros and cons they agreed to my idea. Somehow Jack came out of his little world and he and Elena made promise to not let this long-distance ruin it for them and decided to stay together and keep things going.

However, this is the day that Elena has to leave and Jack clearly doesn't want to see her leaving, so he has decided to act like 5 year old and be a trash.

''Jack.. Can I talk to you?'' Elena knocked on his door softly.

He suddenly stiffened and got out of his bed. Red circles around his eyes clearly couldn't hide that he hadn't slept and has cried. I was surprised, because he had never cried, not in my sight.

''I'll wait for you two in the car. Hurry up, thought," I left sighing.

I knew this wasn't easy for both of them and there was no way they could stop Elena from leaving, because she had to do this for the sake of her future and dreams. But Jack is still my best friend, I know how much pain and sleepless nights this will cost him.

I opened my velvet BMW's doors and wrapped my arms around the steering wheel, placing my head on it. I miss Nick. We aren't over, but since we found out Elena was leaving, we didn't spend as much of time together. Our relationship is still great.. I think. Also we have discussed going to the same university after graduating high school. I just hope he is ok, since we hadn't talked that much lately. I should call him. I smiled and quickly unlocked my phone, ringing him, waiting for his reply.

''Hey, babe. How are you?'' I hope I didn't sound like an excited little kid.

''I'm fine, just missing you," I heard him yawn, but his voice still made my stomach turn into a ball full of butterflies.

''I miss you too. I'll drop Elena in the airport and then I'll step by, ok?'' somehow I knew this made him smirk.

''Step by? Sweetheart, you won't be able to get out of my bed once I'm finished with you,'' he said as I saw Elena and Jack coming to the car.

''You better fulfill this promise once I'm there. Gotta go, love ya.'' Jack was smiling once they got into the car, but I could see that this smile didn't reach his red eyes. Elena looked at me, smiling, trying to not break in front of Jack.

''Ready, guys?'' trying to cheer them up with my happy voice didn't seem to work as they just let out a quiet nod.

Once we reached the airport and checked Elena in, I gave her the tightest hug possible and loudest kiss on the cheek. I couldn't help it as I felt tears in my eyes. She was my closest friend except Jack, after all.

''Don't forget me once you make friends with these hot Cali girls, okay? Please?'' she hugged me once more.

''How could I forget you, hun? More like, remember me," she laughed with tears in her eyes.

''I love you, Ellie,'' we hugged the last time only this one exploding in tears, ''please, don't forget me.''

''I love you too, J.''

All good things must come to an end, so we let go of our tight grip and I stepped back a few steps to let Jack and Elena have their moment. I could see how they were both trying to hold it in for each other. They hugged, kissed, hugged and kissed and then we heard Flight to Cali is leaving in 2 minutes, everyone, please, get into your plane and I could see Jacks grip tighten and Elena's eyes getting full with tears, but they let go. She walked away, letting go of Jacks hand that was still connected with hers.

''I love you, Jack. See you later!'' She shouted, her voice cracking on the last word and tears coming out of her eyes as she quickly walked into the plane.

''I love you too, Elena," Jack said so quietly that even I barely heard it.

''She'll be back. You two will meet again, Jack. It's okay, you hear me?'' I said pulling him in a tight hug. He hugged back but soon enough pushed back.

"Jane, I'm not 5. Stop acting like my mom. I'm perfectly fine," he said laughing.

''Shut up,'' I playfully hit his chest, ''Cmon, my baby boy. I'll take you home.''

We spent the half an hour drive singing to nirvana's songs and laughing it out. I knew that he didn't feel like talking right now, I could see it in his eyes. Don't ask me how, It's just what a long friendship does to you.

Once we reached his house, I hugged him, but since we normally acted like bros it got awkward and he quickly got out of my car laughing about how girly I'm trying to act.

In 10 minutes I reached Nicks house. I unlocked his doors. Yes, I am still surprised by the fact he gave me a key to his house. He didn't live with his parents, they didn't seem to care about him that much, but I never tried to ask about this, seeing as he reacted to this topic. It was out of his comfort-zone

I quickly took off my timberland boots and denim jacket, quietly going to his room. As I reached his room I realized that he wasn't in his bed.

And then I felt his arms around my waist, starting to take my clothes off slowly, while kissing my neck. Once I was half naked I turned around to face him and we started a huge make-out session. He then pushed away.

''What's wrong?'' He looked at me concerned, trying to get past by the wall I had mentally built up.

''Nothing,'' I started to kiss him but he once again pushed away, ''Oh, Cmon!'' I rolled my green eyes at him.

I do not want to have the talk right now. I knew that I would break. But it was too late as a teardrop that slowly moved down my cheek let me down.

''I just miss her, already,'' he sat down on the edge of bed and put me on his lap encouraging me to go on, ''I just don't know how Jack will survive this..''

His eyes immediately turned a shade darker as I mentioned Jack, but he quickly hid it under his mask of no emotions. That's when I broke. Tears just came and came, I sobbed. I hid my face under my arm, but he slowly moved it. I don't know what made me crack to this point, I was no more the girl who cried, who would be worried.

''It's okay, let it all out, baby," He talked to me as if he was my parent and I was 5 years old, but I couldn't care less, I lied on his shoulder and cried until I felt sleep taking me away.

I thought I heard Nick say I love you but I didn't say anything as I knew it was just sleep messing with my mind.

Take my mindand take my pain

like an empty bottle takes the rain

and heal, heal, hell, heal

And tell me some things lasts

/Heal - Tom Odell/

The end of school

For the past few months until today, it is, Jack had only hung out.. with no one in particular. We were best friends, but he just kept telling me he was fine when I tried to pretend that I didn't see his red eyes screaming for sleep, for someone.

Why would he be like this? Because Elena hadn't texted him, not even once.

At first, I was shocked, I kept telling him that she's going to write soon, bla bla. But as the months passed I knew she wouldn't. I was worried about what had happened to her, but I was way more worried about how bad Jack was right now.

He even stopped playing basketball until new year and it was quite big for someone whose whole life is basketball. He eventually went back, knowing this is the only thing that led him closer to forgetting about Elena. He smiled, but I could tell it didn't reach nor his eyes or heart. It was killing me to see him this way.

I was still with Nick and we had made future plans about university and place to live. Now I could truly admit that I love him, and without a doubt it goes both ways. We were just fine and he was trying to support me and me helping Jack get through this, even thought I knew he was still jealous of my past feelings towards Jack.

''Are you going to stare at that wall for long?'' Jack said, I couldn't hear, ''Aye, captain, wakey, wakey!'' I quickly looked around confused.

''What?'' I said. Okay, maybe I wasn't that great at watching how my best friend was doing, since all I did was stare into wall.

''What university are you applying to?'' I asked, because this matter really made me curious.

''This famous basketball place in the UK offered me a scholarship, I'm thinking about that,'' he then got lost in himself and smiled in a ghost smile, ''me and El actually had decided to go to Stanford.''

I simply stared at him, hoping he would continue. I wouldn't risk saying something, because this was the first time in months he had mentioned her. I have to cherish this moment. He is opening up to me.

He looked at ground, still ghost smiling, ''Do you think she'll be back?'' he suddenly looked at me. I didn't know what to answer, so I decided to remain quiet.

One.. two... three,four, five. I counted all teardrops coming from his eyes as they clearly didn't stop at 5. I quickly hurried over and hugged him from behind. He was sitting in his bed, head in his arms now.

''I'm here. It's alright,'' I simply sat there, listening to him cry, surprised by his break down.

This was my best friend breaking down. It went on for about 15 minutes, while I just sat there, hugging him, being silent.

''Th-'' his voice cracked from crying, he coughed to clear his throat.

''Thanks, Jane. I really have no idea what I'd do without you by my side,'' he turned around, now facing me and hugged me back. Then we just sat their in silence, connecting our foreheads.

Wait. I can't.

At this exact moment I decided to make my most painful decision ever. He is my best friend, I can't just let him be this way while I'm happy somewhere else.

''Look, Jack. I must go now, but I'll see you tomorrow in the graduation ceremony, ok?'' He looked at me confused, but I knew I couldn't tell him, he wouldn't let me do what I had to do.

''Is everything allr-''

''I love you," I placed a kiss on his cheek, hugged him and hurried out of the door, jumping in my car and going to Nicks place.

Oh, dear god, please make sure Nick will be happy.

If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone

/Home - Phillip Phillips/

I stepped outside my car and walked towards Nicks house. As I went inside, I could tell it was weirdly silent. I slowly went towards Nicks room.

What a surprise. He was asleep and it still kind of surprised me that he wasn't the snoring type of guy. I guess I was lucky. Sheets were only covering his perfect Italian ass and since he was sleeping on his stomach, his muscular, tanned back came to my gaze. I sighed. He is just way too good for me.

I made quiet, careful steps towards his bed, slowly taking my clothes off, knowing they won't be needed later. Only in my underwear I crawled into his bed, making my way on his back, placing kisses from his waist to his neck, putting my legs on both sides of his body. He groaned as I sucked on his neck, leaving a hickie.

''Well, well, isn't this the best way waking up?'' He murmured, a stunning smile escaping his lips, ''good morning, sweetheart.''

''I don't know, you tell me,'' I grinned, once again biting his neck playfully.

"Morning, sunshine!" I grinned, because I knew he didn't enjoy me calling him sweet nicknames. Boys and their egos..

Before I could react he was on top of me, holding both of my arms on top of my head and kissing me passionately. He let go of my arms as they made their way to his neck and beautiful dark brown messy hair, pulling him closer to me.

He then started placing kisses up my stomach, reaching my ear, biting it the way it made my body scream from joy and pleasure.

You can spend the rest of your life in his bed, but you have only a day left to tell him.

"Babe, as much as I love this and, I swear, It's hard to stop, but I have to tell you something.." right as these words left my mouth I regretted saying it.

He crawled next to me, fixing his green eyes on mine. His body waiting for what I will say next.

I swallowed, but suddenly my mouth was dry. He deserves to know. I tried reminding myself.

"I just wanted to say that I love you," I smiled as genuine as I could. I do love this guy, but just let me enjoy this paradise a little more. I leaned in to kiss him.

He was surprised. It was easy to feel as he didn't reply to my kiss at first, but then slowly falling into our kissing rhythm.

Jane, you're officially nominated for the best liar and worst girlfriend.

***

"Should I wear red or pink tie?" he screamed from the bathroom. He came outside showing me both of them only in his boxers and white shirt. He is such a turn on.

I grabbed his tie and pulled him closer, placing a kiss on his perfect lips, trying to pull him back in the bed.

He groaned and pushed me back. "We have our high school graduation in less than an hour and all you can think about is sex?" he widened his eyes, but I just grinned.

He knew the effect he left on me. I couldn't do anything about it!

"Fine! wear the red one. It will match my dress. But I personally don't mind us staying in this bed and pass on our graduation."

He looked at me with sad smile, knowing we can't do that. Well, not on our graduation.

Less than an hour and he will find out. Shit. He will never forgive you.

I sighed, putting a pillow on my pathetic face.

"Sweetheart, is everything alright?" Nick looked at me with concerned eyes.

"No.. I simply will miss this. You. Us. School. Y'know?" I once again smiled, cursing myself mentally.

It wasn't exactly a lie, thought.

Smooth, real smooth, Jane. Keep telling yourself that.

"Baby, it's school that is soon to be over, not us," Nick smiled warmly and kissed my forehead, "Okay?"

Instead of replying, I just nodded.

It would be over without a doubt when he found out what I had done.

Come take my heart of glass

and give me your love

I hope you'll still be there

to pick the pieces up

/Fragile - Kygo ft. Labrinth/

I breathed in, in desperate need for air in my lungs. This is what sucked about anxiety attacks, you couldn't control them in any way possible, as well as you couldn't predict them.

And here I was - dressed in my perfect red dress, in front of my perfect, soon to be ex class and every teacher and parent that helped us all go through the whole school experience.

Sadly I wasn't in the best position.

I knew this moment would come, but as I felt his eyes piercing in my body, trying to find something that would make him less confused about the situation I was in.. I knew I had to be strong.

Because if you love someone, you have to set it free. If it comes back - it loves you, if not - it was never meant to be.

Or maybe I was just dumb, because if was clear this would destroy everything.

Forgive me Nick, I whispered to no one in particular.

"Thanks for the long wait," I said awkwardly smiling at the public in front of me , "I'm of course going to the same university as my best friend Jack and will study in art and design."

Okay, now keep calm, Jane. Do not fucking break in front of them.

I turned around, letting the next person come to pick up his diploma. But as I turned, all I could look at was him.

He was staring at me and I could see the anger, disappointment and confusion in his eyes. But most importantly it was pain. I had betrayed him. The only person he loved, counted on had betrayed him.

Feeling tears fill my eyes, I quickly returned to my seat, noticing him shaking his head in denial.

Of course he couldn't quite believe that his girlfriend for such a long time just threw away all their future to be with her best friend.

Will he forgive me?

My brain said no without thinking about it a second.

He is going to be in California, while me.. in the UK. I would be stupid if I thought he would still want to be in long distance relationship after all I've put him through.

It would be cruel.

Yet still my heart could only think of one thing.. Hope it is.

Stop it, you're in the middle of your damn graduation yet you're thinking about boy issues. Wake up!

And so I did, confusingly looking around as everyone had already started to take pictures and I was the only one sitting on the stage.

He had left.

I shook away the thought of chasing after him just like in some romantic japanese drama.

I put on the best smile I could in my condition and left the stage to take pictures with my class and family.

**

My heart was barely pounding while my breathing got heavier. I was standing in front of his door, helpless and in fear not knowing how he will react.

I assumed for him to cry, be hurt by my decision and betrayal.

Here I go.

I picked up my.. His keys an unlocked his door.

Immediately my legs made their way to the bedroom. To say I was scared and felt bad was an understatement. I stopped for a second looking down at my hands that were currently shaking.

I went inside the bedroom, looking at nothing but bed.

You might think it was completely normal, but it really wasn't.

Quickly opening the bathroom, I saw nothing but bathroom. No towels, no shower gels, nothing. I ran to the closest closet, finding nothing there. It was empty.

This place was empty.

That made me think if it was only this place that was empty or was it me.

I had come here in hopes of closure, new begging, restart, anything. Not this. He had left me before I had left him.

And the worst thing was the fact that I knew it was what I deserved.

I left my heart for the road

Cause I didn't need it, yeah

She wanted my flesh and bones

And I let her keep it

And I am the one to blame

For what's left of me has changed

/Precious - Kevin Garrett/

The end of 1st year in university.

"Jane, we're gonna be late! Get up, would you?"

I groaned, covering my face with a blanket, "Leave me alone!"

Hearing him leave my room was the best feeling ever. A pleased smile made its way to my face as I curled up in my bed.

Here I come, sleep, my precious little friend.

Or so I thought.

****

"J, you look like a shit," said Stacey, one of my friends I had gained in university.

This girl was really beautiful, nice and smart. You could say the whole package. She had huge, brown eyes, blonde, long hair, not to mention her perfect curved body. She was like a Victoria's secret model gone live. Besides, this girl knew how to use this for her advantages.

"Thanks to my best friend, who splashed ice cold water on my face as if it was a freaking ice bucket challenge," I sent death glares to Jack who was grinning as if he was a little child who got a candy.

"You know you love me, J," he sent me a wink.

"It's not like it's my choice," I sighed chewing on a gummy bear.

We were now on a trip to Cali, because Staceys one of boyfriends apparently lives there and he offered for us to stay at his beach house for the summer. Stace wasn't exactly a relationship type of person, she was more like the one who has loads of bf's all around the world. She is all about the fun.

Meanwhile Jack still hadn't gotten anything from Elena. She was gone. Just like that.

I was really concerned about the way he felt, but he never seemed to express how bad he felt about it.

As for me.. A lot had changed, since I left him. Parts of me were repaired, yet some stayed broken.

I did the right thing. My inner self was trying to convince me and I knew I did. But not for myself, I did this for him. For Jack.

If you have someone you've known since diapers, basically your whole life then tell me you would leave that person you call your best friend go through the pain alone. You wouldn't. And this is exc-

"We're heerreee!" Stacey's voice made me travel back to life.

"Finally!' I was so excited not because we were here but because we had travelled from England to Cali and you can tell it was a lot of flying in a plain and riding in a car. I sure had a jet lag.

I opened my door and my mouth literally dropped to the ground.

"Is this a Disney castle or what?" I blinked and looked at Jack whose expression was as shocked as mine.

In front of us was a white mansion and it honestly looked like a modern castle. I can't even describe how beautiful this house was. My dream house was the only way to describe this house.

"Babe!" Stacey screamed in a happy voice as she ran towards a guy who I assumed to be one of her boyfriends.

Thanks to my incredible eye sight all I could tell while checking him out was that he was quite handsome , with pretty masculine body (because his v-neck t-shirt showed everything he was hiding under it), perfect sense of style and cute dark brown hair as well as he had a perfect jawline. But he had this scar on his neck that I had seen befo-

"Hi there, J," he took of his sunglasses and stared at me with his ice cold green eyes, not to mention the well-known grin spreading all across his face.

"Wh-" I was confused and I felt all blood leaving my body.

"Nick?! What the fuck?!" Jack cut me off and said exactly what I intended to say.

That was the last thing I heard before fainting.