My Book of Avenged - well, this is not what you expected at all.
I used to hate my life,
I hate how poor I’m, and blame it to my parents
I hate the way I talk and socialized,
I hate the way I look and dressed up,
I hate the way I view myself and compared it to others,
I hate how I can’t make any relationship lasts with everyone,
I hate that I grew up with a tough road, and how smooth the path for everyone else,
I hate that I don’t have any meaning talent to do,
I hate the slow, painful ways of me to processed things and learn new stuff,
I hate how I pity myself, cried myself to sleep, and blame the sadness to others,
I hate how desperate I become to rely too much on someone, and how little love I give myself every minute of it,
I hate how difficult I can be someday, and how annoying I could become the next day,
I hate how broken my family are, and how perfect others family is,
I hate that I can’t be happy forever , and how unhappy I feel on the first thing I wake up,
I even hate the Creator above somehow, to let me live in this hell we called earth.
AND SO, I CREATED THIS BOOKS OF AVENGED- a noteful reminder for myself or everyone out there of some truths about life that I learned too late by now.
1. I hate how poor I’m, and I blame it on my parents due to they were taught me that money doesn’t matter. The thing is MONEY IS MATTER. And so, I avenged myself to chase my own fortune like everyone did because at the end of the day, money can’t buy me happiness but money can make me buy things that makes me happy. And I did it.
2. I hate the way I talk, I hate the way I dressed, and I hate the way I view myself due to the disrespect teaching my society led me to believe that being me is enough. Sadly, YOUR APPEARANCE MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Then, I avenged myself. I tried to improve my communication skills, I learn to dress myself appropriately, and I view myself as my own unique self while believing that I’m still a human and have my own imperfections on so many ways. I becoming to accept myself.
3. I hate how I can’t make any relationship lasts with anyone coming with the way of thinking that I’m not enough for them. While the truth is SOMEWHERE BETWEEN HELLO AND GOODBYE, WE HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE OUR LIVES. I avenged myself to swallow the bitter truth that some of the people will stay for a long times, while some of them are staying just to passing the time. On the between moments of it that I accept that I can be perfectly on my own and be grateful with every moments that happened from every person that knock on my life.
4. I hate that I grew up with a tough road, and how painstaking it can be on every minute of it. But then, IF YOU WANT TO SHINE LIKE A DIAMOND, YOU’VE GOT TO GET CUT LIKE A DIAMOND. I avenged myself day in and day out by hustling and learning and enjoying the process of it. I haven’t reaping my reward by now, but we’ll see. Maybe on the next 10 years you will find my name on the 100 Forbes magazine. I need to ENJOY THE JOURNEY BECAUSE THE JOURNEY IS ALL THERE IS.
5. I hate useless I can be, how talentless I’m and the slow moments for me to processed things and learning new stuff. I have to understand that TALENT MEANS NOTHING WITHOUT CONSISTENT EFFORT AND PRACTICE, I avenged myself to give myself an extra minute to learning and mastering my own skills, learning and processing new stuff as best as I could because I believe MOST PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF FAR GREATER THINGS THAN THEY REALISE IF THEY HAVE THE COURAGE AND BE PATIENT TO ACHIEVE IT.
6. I hate how I basically turn to be the gloomy queen I become, desperately relying on someone, and how difficult I could become somehow. I still do it sometimes, but maybe on EVERY HARD TIMES THERE ARE MOSTLY A BLESSING IN DISGUISE. I avenged myself by finding the light on every dark and still trying my best even on my darkest times, even when it is tough. It is surely hard as well, to find the meaning of every excruciating moments you are encountered by now. And don’t you think that WORRYING IS A WASTE OF ENERGY ? Who knows, maybe you will get the hidden meaning of those bad moments and finally get the answered of your why’s someday.
7. I hate how I can’t be happy forever, when THE WORD “FOREVER” IS OVERRATED – no one is happy or unhappy forever. I avenged myself to CHOOSE MY OWN HAPPINESS. Because, this too shall pass - , isn’t ? Also, YOUR OBSESSION WITH FINDING HAPPINESS IS WHAT PREVENTS IT’S ATTAINMENT THUS, LET IT BE.
8. Lastly, I hate the Creator above to let me live my life the way it is. But you and I have to understand that THERE’S NO ONE ELSE LIKE YOU. It is true that THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE WHO IS BETTER THAN YOU, AND YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE AROUND YOU but you and I need to avenged the life itself to understand the better part of our times before death do takes us apart. Today’s a celebration. Live everyday like it’s the last. Everyday you live is a blessing. Be Alright !
# i understand that it should be an revenge fantasy, and some of you will hate me for writing this up. But you know, the best revenge is bettering yourself and show all of those people wrong :)
To end it up
You are trying too hard,
To become someone you are not,
To fill the void of someone dear inside your heart,
While strangers kissing the tears on your lips in the dark,
And you left out cold in the morning with a burning hatred for staying the night.
You are having enough,
This cold four empty walls seems defeaning the thoughts inside your head,
There’s no escape until the pills take you away,
And the cold drinks become too hot from the anger within regret.
Maybe there is no more to say,
The acceptance of reality always hit you the same,
To swallows the truth with the impending urge to keep the jury for saying it straight.
Keep the head down and the heart up because,
The words of finality between us were already written on the paper,
Our eyes interlocked with the same final words as
“ Thank you for all of this years, I will see you on the other side. I love you”
And the final words confirmed it all,
“ You are now divorced”
What keeps me awake at night,
Are the one who keeps me alive on daytime.
It created the most beautiful thing when the sun shine so bright,
Yet bring flow of tears when the whisper of twilight descend and the moon is my only company.
There's a laughter, the smile, the happiness and the promises on every minutes of it,
But broken glass, streams of blood, and terror of regrets will always come to haunt it by then.
What keeps me awake at night,
Are the people that i see on daytime with heart full of love,
But they all left me at the end and i need to make it through night by night by myself.
It keeps me awake at night, because, somehow,
I thought they will be there for me.
But here i'am,
Drink my self out,
Cry myself a river,
Hugging myself a little bit tighter,
Reminding myself that it will be alright,
When the daytime comes i will be alright.
The demons always win sometimes,
And when the clock strikes past midnight,
It's a new whole of a party started,
For the Dreamer,
Hoping to grasp another reality, a new set of hope.
To live it through the night because,
What keeps me awake at night,
Are the ones who kills me slowly , be there and hurting me.
By that, i need to keep it awake at night,
Because if i'm not, the night will win and i will lose myself completely.
Cynicism much ?
Is when they let you in.
No matter what you tried, if they don't want it then they don't.
If they want it, then shall the heart wants it.
One heart is full to give, the other is eager to received.
One smile is full of joy, the other is fake the smile.
One eyes is shine so brightly, the other is full of pain and hurt.
One laugh freely, one wipe the tears after every laugh.
One lives the life they wanted, one lives the life they wish they wanted.
One always be the sunshine for everyone, one always walk under the moon every night.
One fills of hope, one always fills with sorrow.
One always seems happy, the other one always feel the storm.
One lose the battle, one fight it through and through.
Two cups of coffee,
One's empty, the others getting cold.
Two cups of coffee,
One's still waiting, the others is drowning.
Let's just talk,
Let's just whisper every secrets,
Let's just hold hands,
Let's count the stars,
Let's give hug,
Let's sleep next with each other,
Let's create our dreams,
Let's go to some unknown places,
Let's start to kiss
Let's start to promise,
Let's start to trust,
Let's not fall in love.
Hang in there for a little while, my dear old heart
I know the scars will ached forever,
I understand the memory will not be gone,
I feel the storms won’t pass away soon,
I catch all the cries until it turned to be a river,
I feel tired too,
I drained out from every sorrow,
Every last hope,
And crushed dreams we shared together.
Bear with me for awhile, my brave soul.
We’ve been through this before,
We’ve battle the same demons again and again,
And we will win the war,
We will be alright, my self.
We will be alright tonight,
Maybe it was started when we i first laid my eyes on you,
Maybe it was the way you talked,
Maybe it was the way you smile,
Maybe it was the way you laughed,
Maybe it was the way you walk,
Maybe it was a glimmer in your eyes whenever you talked about her,
Maybe it was in a raspy voice of yours whenever you sing the songs for someone who steals your heart,
Maybe it was written in the corny jokes of your timeline, shared and reposted by someone with a gorgeous smile,
Maybe i know deep down that i wish it was you instead,
It's not a crush without feeling crushed.
I'm falling for you,
Yet i keep falling without you ever notice to catch me out.
They both swiping right, but only one who feels it right. That's modern dating life.
It’s all about you
be kind to yourself,
be kind to your mind,
be kind to your body.
it's alright to cry when you can't hold it,
it's not a sin to put for yourself first.
Hold to your dreams,
Cherish the memories,
Laugh a little more,
Have some rest when you were tired,
This is a cruel world,
There will come people who will hate you, leave or love you.
But please understand,
At the end of the day all you ever have is yourself.
Love yourself first