I would really appreciate it if you would check out my novel published on Inkitt and provide your constructive feedback. It is currently submitted for a contest and you can read it for free on their website. I am trying to determine whether I should pursue publicationof this book and finish the series or if I need to start over with a new book and fresh ideas. Any suggestions you have are appreciated. You can read it here: https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/142422
Below you'll find a quick synopsis to give you an idea of what you're getting into. Thanks for your time!
Come sail away to Paradys!
This is a fantasy novel about a girl named Destiny whose circumstances have taught her not to believe in miracles. When she stumbles upon a mysterious room beneath the library where she works, she is forced to question everything she once knew to be true. With the help of a highly intelligent, straight-laced professor of ancient history, Destiny uncovers a whole new world of spirituality and magic. But there are forces out there bigger than Destiny willing to do anything to stop her from solving the mysteries of the world beyond understanding. The world is ending and it is up to Destiny and her trusty side-kick and lover to stop it.
Life is Beautiful
I'm sorry that you're in so much pain that you want to leave everything and everyone behind. I am not going to pretend to know exactly what you're going through, but I understand feeling like there is no other option available. I've been there.
I swallowed half a bottle of pills, chased it with a bottle of grey goose. But somehow, I'm still here. The only explanation is that it wasn't my time to go. Maybe you don't believe in fate or second chances, but let me tell you, I am so happy that my life didn't end that night. I would have missed out on so much beauty in this world. I never would have travelled overseas and spent a summer in Europe. I never would have met my husband. We wouldn't have had our beautiful daughter.
Beauty can be found anywhere, even in the smallest things or the oddest of places. You just have to know where to look.
Tell me, what about your life is beautiful?
Room for One
I'd like to keep you, but I have no space for you inside my cramped apartment above Aunt Emma’s dust-filled garage. Plus, it's just not a good time, okay? My life is really hectic right now -- between waiting tables during the day and going to school at night, when would I find time for you? Besides, it wouldn't be great for you either, I swear. I barely make enough to cover rent and a few expenses, how on earth could I ever afford bottles, burpies, and binkies?
Silence is deafening,
Illusive at times, vanishing without a trace,
Lost without promise of return.
Eternity passes by in a moment,
Never-ending and still.
Calming seas fill my lungs with fury.
Empty darkness beckons me.
On my second date with God, He took me to a beautiful, secluded island. The sun began to set as we walked along the beach, our footprints trailing in the sand behind us.
“Nice view, huh?” He remarked, gesturing outward. I simply nodded.
“You're welcome.” He chuckled. I laughed nervously. Of all the people in the world, I knew I had no business being in His Almighty presence.
“Relax, my child. The rules are simple. You get three questions. Choose carefully.” He said.
“W-what is the m-meaning of life?” I stuttered.
“Is that really the question you wish to ask me?” God said.
“N-no.” I said.
“Okay then. Let's start again. No do-overs this time. What do you honestly want to know?” He asked.
“Is Jesus really your son?” I asked.
“Every single man, woman, boy, and girl on this Earth, both living and past, were born of me, flesh of my flesh. You are all my children whom I love unconditionally. Even when you forsake me, ignore me, doubt me, and do wicked things to one another, I am still here with open arms, waiting to welcome you. I created life on this Earth, so my spirit lives on in each one of you. Jesus is my son, just as you are my daughter.” God explained. “Next question.”
“If we're your children, and you love us so much, why don't you intervene and stop us from killing each other?” I asked. “Um...sir.” I quickly added.
“It may not seem like it at times, but free will is a blessing. But it can also be a curse. You are very frail and volatile beings. The biggest threat posed to you is yourselves. Although the power to choose your own path in life is one my greatest gifts to humankind, it is also a tremendous responsibility, one you must learn not to squander. If I were to take all that away to keep you safe from each other, could you be happy? Imagine if every single part of your life had already been decided for without your say or consent. Is that the type of life you would want?” He responded.
“I guess not...” I said.
“Last question. Make it a good one.” He joked.
There were so many questions swirling around in my head, but I knew there was one in particular that only God could answer.
“Why...why did I have to die?”
As I gazed upon her angelic face, I was overcome with excitement. My wife never looked so beautiful - gasping for air, her hands clinging tightly to the knife plunged deep inside her chest. Alas, her breathing ceased. It was my first time, but I was already craving seconds.
I'd love to die,
But my body just won't let me.
It's been two heart attacks,
One brain tumor,
And four rounds of chemo.
But here I am.
For at least another day or so.
I'm a medical marvel, they say.
What kind of miracle takes a dozen pills a day?
It'd be better for everyone if I just said goodbye,
Ended it once and for all.
No more pain,
No more surgeries,
No more transfusions.
But will heaven still accept me if I quit before my time is up?
Far Far Away
Once upon a time there lived a tiny green imp who absolutely loved children. He loved children so much, in fact, he would capture them and bring them to his lair. But he wouldn't harm the children, oh heaven's no. They were his companions, his friends, his playthings to do with what he wished. To obey his rules, call him king, and keep him company for ever and ever. The kids that went missing were never seen or heard from again. That was until one day, when the foolish imp kidnapped the wrong one.
Marcus was a small-town kid with big time dreams. He wanted more than anything to be a superstar - Oscar-winning actor, professional ballplayer it didn't matter. Anything to escape his humdrum life as the son of chicken farmer.
Marcus’ younger sister Maddie was another story. Maddie was a daddy's girl through and through. She enjoyed helping her father run the farm and hoped daddy would leave it to her one day. The two siblings couldn't be more different. They often argued and bumped heads. In fact, it wasn’t until Maddie went missing, that Marcus even realized how much he loved his baby sister.
The day started off like any other. Marcus woke at 5 to feed the chickens, gather the eggs, and clean the coop. After cooking breakfast, Marcus went to find Maddie but to his dismay she wasn't in her room. Marcus searched all over the house, out in the backyard and even in the barn, but there was no sign of Maddie.
With great reluctance, Marcus woke his father and alerted to him to Maddie’s disappearance. As his dad pulled the covers back, the smell of alcohol was pungent.
“That's not like her.” Was all his dad said.
“Should we call the police?” Marcus asked.
His dad simply shook his head. “She's gotta be around here somewhere. Just keep looking.” With that, he rolled over and resumed his coma of intoxication.
Marcus called around some neighbors houses and asked Maddie’s friends about her whereabouts but no one had seen her since yesterday.
When Marcus goes back into Maddie’s room, something seemed off. Near the window, some of her school books had been shifted around. Upon further inspection, he sees the outline of a footprint on the window seal. Nothing appeared to be missing, no clothes or shoes, and the print looked too big to be Maddie’s. Her room was on the second floor, so climbing out the window seemed unlikely. Marcus also noticed an odd-looking gold dust sprinkled on the floor.
“Guess she must have flown.” Marcus joked.
Against his father's advisement, Marcus called the authorities. Unfortunately, the police proved to be no help whatsoever. Marcus and his dad were required to fill out a missing person’s report and child protective services came out to investigate. It was determined that Maddie must have run away and the police promised to call if they heard anything.
Marcus knew his sister wouldn't have run away. She was out there somewhere waiting for him to find her. And no matter what, Marcus was going to bring her back home.
Marcus waited for his dad to pass out drunk that evening before collecting a sample of the gold dust and snapping a picture of the footprint. He knew there was one person in town he could trust, the master of all things abnormal and unexplained, his best friend, Sam.
While Marcus was the son of the town-drunk, Sam was the son of the local nut job. When his dad was a boy, he claimed to have witnessed a short man in green kidnap his friend and tried to stop him but couldn't. The police never found any evidence to back up his story so the town labeled him insane. Everyone assumed his friend just ran away
“It's definitely him.” Sam insisted after examining the gold dust. “He took your sister. I'm sorry.”
Marcus paused for a moment. Then he headed toward the door.
“Where you going, Marcus?”
“I'm going to get my sister back.”
To be continued...
Sunday, July 31, 2020 at 3:00am
Destiny is in surgery at Brookside Community Hospital. The doctors are trying to revive her.
“Clear!” The doctor uses the paddles to try and shock her body back to life.
“Charge to 350! Let’s go again. Clear!” Still flatlined.
Edwin is in the waiting room along with Ms. Thompson waiting for some news about Destiny’s condition. The television is on.
“Late last night, the Jane Doe found in a tree early Friday morning started showing signs of brain activity. Doctors say, earlier today she actually opened her eyes.”
“Early this afternoon the woman actually started speaking. Although none of us can quite understand her. It sounds like she may be speaking foreign language.”
“Now doctors are saying the woman has been up walking and speaking perfect english along with spanish, french, and portuguese. She appears to be speaking several other languages that have not clearly been identified.”.
“Due to massive trauma wounds to her head and skull, it appears the woman has suffered significant memory loss. She s unable to recall her name or even what date it is. Specialists are working with her to help recover her memories.”
They show footage of the woman sitting in her hospital bed. She is drawing on a notepad.
“Jesus...that woman could be Z’s twin.” Ms. Thompson says. Edwin is too distracted by his own thoughts to look up at the t.v.
“Please if anyone recognizes this woman, let us know. We are hoping a family member will come forward soon. This young woman is going to need all the support she can get during her recovery.” Doctor said.
“Police say there are still no leads on what may have happened to Jane Doe or how she ended up in the tree at Fairview Park. They urge anyone with any information regarding this case to come forward. The tip hotline is (555) 415-6175. Next up, new research shows that peanuts may cause cancer…”
Edwin is pacing back and forth. A doctor enters the waiting room wearing green scrubs.
“Mr. Richards? Ms. Thompson?” The doctor calls. Edwin rushes to the doctor.
“What is it doctor? Is she alright? Is she going to make?”
“Mr. Richards...I’m afraid your fiance didn’t make it...we did everything we could but there was just too much damage to the frontal lobe. She bled out on the table. I’m sorry, Mr. Richards.” Edwin collapsed on the ground. Ms. Thompson tried desperately to hold him up but failed. The two began crying.
“I’m sorry.” The doctor said again before walking away.
After Edwin got back to his house, he immediately went to the bedroom. The early morning light seeped into his bedroom. It had been a horrendous day and all he wanted to do was sleep and hope that it all had been one long nightmare.
He collapsed in bed. Just as he started to drift off to sleep, he felt a sense that someone was in his room. He opened his eyes. Standing at the foot of his bed, crouched down was a white wolf with eyes the color of burnt sienna.
Edwin nearly jumped out of his skin. Was he dreaming? This couldn’t be real. He grabbed the first thing he saw, a lamp and held it up as a weapon to defend him from the wolf.
“Hello, Edwin.” The wolf spoke but did not move it’s mouth. The voice was oddly soothing. He relaxed a bit.
“What the hell is this?” He said.
“Calm down.” The wolf said. “I need you to listen to me. There is a woman who needs your help.”
“What woman?” Edwin asked.
“Lana for she is the light and will lead you to the tree of life. Only the light will save you from the serpent.”
“Yes. She slithers in the grass waiting idly for her prey. She will cause you great harm. But the serpent fears the light for it reveals her true intentions.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about but this is all just some crazy dream.”
“It is hard to lose the ones we love but all is not lost.” The wolf said. “You don’t have to look to far too find her. Follow your heart…” With that the white wolf disappeared from sight.
“What in the world was that all about?” Edwin muttered. Before long he couldn't keep his eyes open and he drifted off to sleep.
Edwin woke up to the sound of voices coming from downstairs. He followed the noise and when he got to the living room he saw that the television was on.
“That’s odd.” He said. “I don’t remember leaving the t.v. on…”
A news story was on about the woman found in the tree.
“It’s remarkable the stride this woman is making. Her wounds have completely healed and she seems to be getting her memory back.” A doctor said.
“Apparently the young woman recalls her first name as Lana but is unable to recall her last name.”
Edwin’s jaw dropped open. That dream he had with that white wolf had said something about Lana. But it couldn’t be, he thought.
“What in the world is going on?” Edwin felt that he needed to get to the hospital and speak with the woman.
When he got there, she was already gone.
“A relative came and picked up her up.” A nurse told him.
“Relative, what relative?” He said.
“Her aunt. A woman by the name of…” The nurse looked at her piece of paper on a clipboard. “Julia Waters.”
To be continued...