Distaste
How do we become what we need to be?
Move within me,
bend and breathe.
Hear me,
though I am silent.
See me,
though I am not present.
Chosen,
fate does not discuss or decipher as you do.
Pathways to heaven,
the best intentions led to places unspoken.
Slivers of doubt crept through your everlasting heart.
Fearful of the beats yet to come;
They crept still.
Manifested,
your thoughts grew limbs and spoke of their leaves.
Spoken so often of their past seasons of being.
Motivated,
"I will reach beyond that which I have been,
I am better than my latest form,
I will be better yet still."
They heard you and fear you,
as you fear yourself.
Your path remains led by uncertainty,
in darkness.
Fail as you have before,
shown weakness.
Open lips to bleed out,
wounds unhealed.
Vexed and viciously unkempt,
your heart is as they see it;
How you see it.
Taunt them with your position of victim,
and they will gladly meet you half way.
The world will play as you play.
Pick your role,
your confident confusion displayed is enough to call it.
Give me your hand and I will guide you;
Prove it.
Pick a direction.
There is no savior left,
no protection.
Ascension from the Depths
I won't forget, I really won't forget, I can't.
My subconscious is swimming.
My consciousness soothed,
I have buried deep down,
the black and the blues.
In a new world,
I have forgotten,
I felt warmth on my skin,
I heard waves in the distance,
this is how it begins.
My eyes are opened to the light,
with thoughts that led to thinking, "there is something more."
Floating above, it all becomes too much,
the thought, the waves, bluish greens,
cooling, warming, all-encompassing, wet.
Moving all around me and within me,
is this ocean dipped in light;
I am surrounded with bursts of promise.
Zephyrs,
Winds met by the waves,
crashing in opposition where they meet;
Swarms of bubbles, and bits of breath,
trickle down through this body of water,
where I exist.
So great in number are these,
that they turn the perceived colors of bluish green,
to translucent white.
The sound of all this motion muffled,
yet consistent and soothing;
Closing eyes, I am a part of it.
Sounds of nature mimicking in utero moments,
and taking a comforting disposition.
Still there is light, I see light.
The rays are constant as they bend and flex,
and they are ever present,
I must get to them.
"Swim."
I realize now the solvent surrounding me isn't just moving,
it's moving me, I'm trapped, and I can no longer breathe.
"Swim," But I can't. Buried beneath.
"Swim," I instruct my muscles to move,
my limbs to respond,
my body to press against the waves,
and make my own way through.
It is to my own agitation, I am met with a strong resistance.
The body of water surrounding me,
unrelenting, unforgiving, and working against me;
as I work against it.
How differently I felt about where I was,
only moments ago,
before my awakening,
or perhaps during it.
Panic appears right on time,
and I fail to breathe.
I realize the ocean has taken me.
"Swim," You say swim,
but everytime I try, I am met by my failure,
my fear, and my anxious waning breath.
"Swim," but, I must breathe!
"No, you must swim!"
Swim to breathe,
making sense of the senseless.
Regardless of emotional depths,
I must catch it, this breath.
Until I swim,
I won't have much left.
I focus again,
on those bending and flexing rays.
I follow them,
from their origin;
to their destination.
I see where they will lead me,
to something more, to safety,
and I let go allowing the current to take me.
For my surrender,
my lungs are rewarded with sweet breath,
and I,
I am awake once again.
A Finite Resource
We all have the right to recognize our missteps, without surrendering our self-respect. We can refuse to live in a state of regret, and insist on moving ourselves forward. It's only fair that we give ourselves the permission to stand firmly where "sorry" doesn't always have to happen, but understanding and growth will flourish.
If we want to play the victim, the universe will gladly oblige our request. In the end, perspective is everything.
While there will always be external forces that exist around us, it is our own choice to perceive them as being for or against us. Making a habit of seeing opposition as an opportunity to challenge ourselves gives us the power to transform. When external forces are aimed negatively in our direction, it is our choice to allow our strength and sight to be weakened. We invite or decline the presence of destructive forces into our lives. Certain circumstances cannot be controlled, but we always have a choice to allow a circumstance to continue, or to walk away.
It is ok to say, "There will be no more of this towards me."
It is ok to say, "I am letting go, for my own health and happiness."
Everything may happen for a reason, but it's rarely for the reasons you've imagined.
Those that are not in alignment with our purpose still have a place in our story. They are present in our lives only to shake us from our sleep. To guide us back to the path we were taking before our minds became clouded by fear, envy, shame, or anger. To remind us that expectations are often, whenever demanded, not met by the same standards we envision. The universe has a way of reminding us that we are not in control of it. We are only in control of ourselves.
You are a perishable item, with a limited time, occupying a humble amount of space. Choose either to remain mindful and present or you will struggle with the past and future distortions of analyzing a singular existence.