Untitled 1.
I don’t want to be sad anymore.
I’ve lost this battle and the war.
I just don’t want to be sad anymore.
Is that too much to ask?
Must I hide my emotions behind a mask?
I’ve tried everything else
And nothing seems to work.
I just don’t want to be sad.
Do I have to sit in a room
And talk my feelings out to a wall?
Is that what I have to do?
I am sick of being sad.
It’s every day, an overbearing feeling
And it’s crippling me.
It’s hard to speak when my voice won’t come.
It’s hard to breathe
With this water forever in my lungs.
I just want to be happy.
I just want to live out my hopes and dreams
To not be shattered by all that it means.
I followed my path, and it lead me here
And yet, I am haunted by fear,
Fear that I do not belong, fear that I am far from home.
And it’s right.
I am very far from home, but that was the goal.
That was the reason I am here.
I was avoiding the one thing that scared me the most.
Fading away.
Becoming no one.
Losing my voice.
And now it is worse than it has ever been.
My voice refuses my thoughts.
It rebels against me with every second,
Forcing my tongue to move in ways
That do not show my true intention.
To never be forgotten.
To leave a mark on the word.
To be remembered.
So I sit at this computer, typing pointless words
Into these pointless sentences
Hoping somebody reads between the lines
Finding some form of a message.
Perhaps these lines are a call for help,
Or perhaps
I have simply
Given up.