lonely
Just another aspiring writer. Who knows? Maybe all this pain will pay off in the end.
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Mental Disorders

Normal people just

Don't understand.

A mental disorder

Is not a fucking

Accessory!

I did not chose

To fear the simple

Act of existing;

I did not chose

To fear the simple

Act of breathing;

I did not chose

To fear the simple

Act of socializing;

I did not chose

To fear the simple

Act of my own emotions.

I did not wish for the hell

In my head, but I can hear

The fire crackling and roaring,

Creating mass havoc inside

My body, holding me captive

To a future I cannot see because

I am stuck and enslaved

In the deepest corners of my own

Shadows.

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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Mental Disorders
Normal people just
Don't understand.
A mental disorder
Is not a fucking
Accessory!
I did not chose
To fear the simple
Act of existing;
I did not chose
To fear the simple
Act of breathing;
I did not chose
To fear the simple
Act of socializing;
I did not chose
To fear the simple
Act of my own emotions.
I did not wish for the hell
In my head, but I can hear
The fire crackling and roaring,
Creating mass havoc inside
My body, holding me captive
To a future I cannot see because
I am stuck and enslaved
In the deepest corners of my own
Shadows.
4
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Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Realizations

I used to always wish

To be desirable,

marveled like

The beautiful girls

Who take the same

Breath as me, but then

I realized: not everything

That is desirable is good.

Even the most beautiful

People kill.

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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Realizations
I used to always wish
To be desirable,
marveled like
The beautiful girls
Who take the same
Breath as me, but then
I realized: not everything
That is desirable is good.
Even the most beautiful
People kill.
7
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Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Minds

I wonder what people think,

Or were they blessed with a quiet mind

That shuts down with a simple command?

I watch people as they are alone or,

Interacting with one another and I wonder

How lonely they allow themselves to be,

And how lonely they feel when no one

Else is around, but the darkness to tuck

Them in goodnight with the promise of a

Better tomorrow. I wonder how many

People are so easily fooled with promises.

Maybe they aren't as screwed up as me

With images of a broken family playing

Re-runs behind the black curtain I hung,

Only to realize my eyes still dream of the

Sun, but my heart is in love with the moon

Because I understand the moon's constant

Loneliness. But I feel like the depths of the

Ocean that entitles me to drowning.

I never learned how to swim.

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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Minds
I wonder what people think,
Or were they blessed with a quiet mind
That shuts down with a simple command?
I watch people as they are alone or,
Interacting with one another and I wonder
How lonely they allow themselves to be,
And how lonely they feel when no one
Else is around, but the darkness to tuck
Them in goodnight with the promise of a
Better tomorrow. I wonder how many
People are so easily fooled with promises.
Maybe they aren't as screwed up as me
With images of a broken family playing
Re-runs behind the black curtain I hung,
Only to realize my eyes still dream of the
Sun, but my heart is in love with the moon
Because I understand the moon's constant
Loneliness. But I feel like the depths of the
Ocean that entitles me to drowning.
I never learned how to swim.
6
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Pain

I feel like a stranger

in my own body like

one of these days, I will

wake up and realize:

I am dead.

All the pain I have endured,

many sleepless nights

with tear soaked pillows,

the empty feeling of loneliness,

and the many goodbyes

of loved ones will be another

Painful memory where I failed

To wake up.

I will cease to exist and only then

will I be happy.

I wait For the day when I open

my eyes and realize: this is all a

nightmare. When I get the

Chance to reincarnate,

I will deny the option

And never feel again.

13
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Pain
I feel like a stranger
in my own body like
one of these days, I will
wake up and realize:
I am dead.
All the pain I have endured,
many sleepless nights
with tear soaked pillows,
the empty feeling of loneliness,
and the many goodbyes
of loved ones will be another
Painful memory where I failed
To wake up.
I will cease to exist and only then
will I be happy.
I wait For the day when I open
my eyes and realize: this is all a
nightmare. When I get the
Chance to reincarnate,
I will deny the option
And never feel again.
13
5
6
Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Gone

I constantly daydream of disappearing

Into their air, silently vanishing as the tears

Streaming down my cheeks form puddles

Of water, falling on the marble floor like

Hail shattering through glass.

I constantly daydream of disappearing

Until my eyes roll in the back of my skull

In rhythm with the bullet I fired into the

Temple of my mind.

I am gone.

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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Gone
I constantly daydream of disappearing
Into their air, silently vanishing as the tears
Streaming down my cheeks form puddles
Of water, falling on the marble floor like
Hail shattering through glass.

I constantly daydream of disappearing
Until my eyes roll in the back of my skull
In rhythm with the bullet I fired into the
Temple of my mind.

I am gone.
8
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Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Life

There is nothing worse

In the world than feeling

Like an idiot for the things

You can't do, rather than being

Appreciated for the things that

Come effortlessly.

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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Life
There is nothing worse
In the world than feeling
Like an idiot for the things
You can't do, rather than being
Appreciated for the things that
Come effortlessly.

8
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Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Broken

I remember sitting in my room,

immersed in my own fictional world 

as words flew from my fingers and dripped

onto what once a blank piece of paper. 

Then I heard a loud bang that forced me

out of my trance. I ignored it and resumed to write, but the noises got louder and that's when I realized hail was falling from the great white clouds. Once the raging sky calmed, I went outside and was overcome with devastation. My windshield was cracked, but still intact. I simply did not have the

time to get it fixed, so I drove around a few weeks with my broken windshield. I noticed that whenever I was driving down the road, I could feel everyone staring a beat too long in my direction. I could feel everyone wondering what happened to my windshield.

I knew everyone was questioning why I would let something broken be seen, so publicly, in a society that craves and yearns for perfection. 

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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Broken
I remember sitting in my room,
immersed in my own fictional world 
as words flew from my fingers and dripped
onto what once a blank piece of paper. 
Then I heard a loud bang that forced me
out of my trance. I ignored it and resumed to write, but the noises got louder and that's when I realized hail was falling from the great white clouds. Once the raging sky calmed, I went outside and was overcome with devastation. My windshield was cracked, but still intact. I simply did not have the
time to get it fixed, so I drove around a few weeks with my broken windshield. I noticed that whenever I was driving down the road, I could feel everyone staring a beat too long in my direction. I could feel everyone wondering what happened to my windshield.
I knew everyone was questioning why I would let something broken be seen, so publicly, in a society that craves and yearns for perfection. 
9
2
2
Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Depression

I am drowning in the center

Of the ocean. I scream and yell,

But no one swims my way. There

Are bolts of lightning as the waves

Violently rage on. I watch the people

As they laugh and play, unaware of

The voices in my head. They are

Oblivious to the tornado eating

My body. I gasp in between gulps

Of water as the ocean quickly silences

My cries of pleas. This is what depression

Feels like. I am drowning and no one knows.

13
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Depression
I am drowning in the center
Of the ocean. I scream and yell,
But no one swims my way. There
Are bolts of lightning as the waves
Violently rage on. I watch the people
As they laugh and play, unaware of
The voices in my head. They are
Oblivious to the tornado eating
My body. I gasp in between gulps
Of water as the ocean quickly silences
My cries of pleas. This is what depression
Feels like. I am drowning and no one knows.
13
5
5
Juice
38 reads
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Mental disorders

I can hear the woman

Next to me breathing.

I can hear the man

Next to me thinking.

I can hear the voices

Screaming in my head.

I wish I could fill the room

With airy silence.

I wish I could slow

My speeding heart

And itchy fingers,

But no one knows.

They are unaware

Of the girl with a

Million voices in her head,

The sudden noise or jolt

Can put my whole body in a frenzy.

In that moment, I swear

I'm going to die.

No one knows

Of the girl with anxiety and depression

Because everything is in her head

Or maybe the world would be a better place

If only emotional pain was as visible

As the scars she tries to conceal with

Foundation that is too dark for her skin.

17
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Mental disorders
I can hear the woman
Next to me breathing.
I can hear the man
Next to me thinking.
I can hear the voices
Screaming in my head.
I wish I could fill the room
With airy silence.
I wish I could slow
My speeding heart
And itchy fingers,
But no one knows.
They are unaware
Of the girl with a
Million voices in her head,
The sudden noise or jolt
Can put my whole body in a frenzy.
In that moment, I swear
I'm going to die.
No one knows
Of the girl with anxiety and depression
Because everything is in her head
Or maybe the world would be a better place
If only emotional pain was as visible
As the scars she tries to conceal with
Foundation that is too dark for her skin.
17
5
6
Juice
49 reads
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Hospitals

I sit in a crowded area

Surrounded with people,

But still I feel so alone

And I wonder who does too?

I see their fingers drumming

To a tune I am unaware of

Because the room is dreary quiet:

There is no music.

I see their feet tapping

As we wait and wait.

We are told good things

Come to those who wait,

But I've seen death strike

Too many times that I have

Come to realize, elapsed time

Means the end of theirs as mine

Slowly tumbles and crumbles.

8
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Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Hospitals
I sit in a crowded area
Surrounded with people,
But still I feel so alone
And I wonder who does too?
I see their fingers drumming
To a tune I am unaware of
Because the room is dreary quiet:
There is no music.
I see their feet tapping
As we wait and wait.
We are told good things
Come to those who wait,
But I've seen death strike
Too many times that I have
Come to realize, elapsed time
Means the end of theirs as mine
Slowly tumbles and crumbles.
8
2
0
Juice
21 reads
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