lonely
Just another aspiring writer. Who knows? Maybe all this pain will pay off in the end.
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Empty

I lie awake, staring at the ceiling

Until black becomes white and

The room becomes too bright.

I am blinded by my own demons,

Monsters lurking beneath my

Bed sheets, stealing my innocence,

Depriving me of most needed sleep.

I drown myself in my own tears of misery

Choked by my own screams of despair

Killed by the voices in my own head.

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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Empty
I lie awake, staring at the ceiling
Until black becomes white and
The room becomes too bright.
I am blinded by my own demons,
Monsters lurking beneath my
Bed sheets, stealing my innocence,
Depriving me of most needed sleep.
I drown myself in my own tears of misery
Choked by my own screams of despair
Killed by the voices in my own head.
2
0
0
Juice
4 reads
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Silence

I yearn for the intimacy

Of uttermost silence

Heartbeat against mine

Breath against my neck

Wrapped in each other's arms

Enveloped by the dark of night

Lightened by racing hearts

And jagged breaths where

Words do not need to be uttered.

8
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Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Silence
I yearn for the intimacy
Of uttermost silence
Heartbeat against mine
Breath against my neck
Wrapped in each other's arms
Enveloped by the dark of night
Lightened by racing hearts
And jagged breaths where
Words do not need to be uttered.

8
3
1
Juice
17 reads
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Draft

Men blamed feminists for

The protection of women

Being forced into the military.

They are uprising against us

Because now we have no choice

-as if we ever had one-

But to fight along our men.

But I do not fear the men

In turbans who are my "enemies."

I fear the men who will be standing

By side, the men who will watch me,

The men who will know where I sleep,

The men who are protected from the

Law and who are never held accountable

For their actions. I fear the men in

Uniforms like me because my chances

Of being raped by my fellow brothers in

Arms is higher than my actual death.

Men blamed feminists and now

Women will be drafted into the war.

They congratulate their system when they

Are the ones who built the broken

System. They are the ones who kept

Women from protecting their country

When all we wanted was to help.

But truly, a war that forces people to serve

Is not a war worth fighting for.

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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Draft
Men blamed feminists for
The protection of women
Being forced into the military.
They are uprising against us
Because now we have no choice
-as if we ever had one-
But to fight along our men.
But I do not fear the men
In turbans who are my "enemies."
I fear the men who will be standing
By side, the men who will watch me,
The men who will know where I sleep,
The men who are protected from the
Law and who are never held accountable
For their actions. I fear the men in
Uniforms like me because my chances
Of being raped by my fellow brothers in
Arms is higher than my actual death.
Men blamed feminists and now
Women will be drafted into the war.
They congratulate their system when they
Are the ones who built the broken
System. They are the ones who kept
Women from protecting their country
When all we wanted was to help.
But truly, a war that forces people to serve
Is not a war worth fighting for.
6
2
0
Juice
15 reads
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Truth

I have come to realize

When I speak out about

The injustices of the world,

I become silenced.

When I was talking about

The false ideologies and notions

Of equality in our nation, my

Older brother interrupted me

- A true story-

And asked if that was my way

Of coming out and my thoughts

And opinions no longer mattered.

It seems like only those who are fighting

For equality are the oppressed while

The privileged sit on the ones who

Are tricked into believing they

Are free. But Martin Luther King Jr

Said it best, "no one is free until

We all are free."

8
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Truth
I have come to realize
When I speak out about
The injustices of the world,
I become silenced.
When I was talking about
The false ideologies and notions
Of equality in our nation, my
Older brother interrupted me
- A true story-
And asked if that was my way
Of coming out and my thoughts
And opinions no longer mattered.
It seems like only those who are fighting
For equality are the oppressed while
The privileged sit on the ones who
Are tricked into believing they
Are free. But Martin Luther King Jr
Said it best, "no one is free until
We all are free."
8
3
9
Juice
37 reads
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Oblivion

Sometimes I like to pretend

I don't exist. I'll stare at the

Ceiling until everything above me

Becomes blurry and all I see

Is black. My thoughts become

Silent as tears roll down my cheeks

And I can no longer breathe.

I pretend I'm dead and it feels so

Beautiful to obliterate the pain.

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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Oblivion
Sometimes I like to pretend
I don't exist. I'll stare at the
Ceiling until everything above me
Becomes blurry and all I see
Is black. My thoughts become
Silent as tears roll down my cheeks
And I can no longer breathe.
I pretend I'm dead and it feels so
Beautiful to obliterate the pain.
4
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0
Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Reality

He likes her.

She likes someone else.

They've rarely talked.

She hardly noticed him.

They were never meant

To be together and never will.

That's reality.

I'm sick of all these fairytales

Where boy meets girl

And they fall in love.

Sometimes we fall in love with

People we know we don't stand

A chance with, so we don't

Let them break our hearts,

But simply break it ourselves.

I'm sick of over romanticized love.

Love is not a feeling you can wish

Upon people by merely feeling

The one sided attraction.

Love is Complicated

And not at all simple.

9
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Reality
He likes her.
She likes someone else.
They've rarely talked.
She hardly noticed him.
They were never meant
To be together and never will.
That's reality.
I'm sick of all these fairytales
Where boy meets girl
And they fall in love.
Sometimes we fall in love with
People we know we don't stand
A chance with, so we don't
Let them break our hearts,
But simply break it ourselves.
I'm sick of over romanticized love.
Love is not a feeling you can wish
Upon people by merely feeling
The one sided attraction.
Love is Complicated
And not at all simple.
9
2
3
Juice
49 reads
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Love

He was the guy who wasn't afraid to

Get tackled, hands were worn

With calluses, blood dripping down

His lips, sweat pouring down his brow,

But he never surrendered. Every girl

Wanted to date him, but he chose to

Remain single as he watched his best friend

Fall in love with another. He grew quiet

And distant. He remained hidden behind

The spotlight, lurking in the shadows

Of the future that was built for him.

His heart was broken and torn, his mind

Was shot. He was slowly losing himself

As he tried to understand his desires.

He started skipping practice, grades dipped,

Many sleeplessness nights thinking what

It would be like to be loved by the one

He loved, but he knew it would never

Happen. He was afraid of falling in love.

His best friend was a guy.

7
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Love
He was the guy who wasn't afraid to
Get tackled, hands were worn
With calluses, blood dripping down
His lips, sweat pouring down his brow,
But he never surrendered. Every girl
Wanted to date him, but he chose to
Remain single as he watched his best friend
Fall in love with another. He grew quiet
And distant. He remained hidden behind
The spotlight, lurking in the shadows
Of the future that was built for him.
His heart was broken and torn, his mind
Was shot. He was slowly losing himself
As he tried to understand his desires.
He started skipping practice, grades dipped,
Many sleeplessness nights thinking what
It would be like to be loved by the one
He loved, but he knew it would never
Happen. He was afraid of falling in love.
His best friend was a guy.
7
4
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Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

To my followers

You know me better than my

Parents, friends, and siblings.

You have been there for me through

Every dark corner, awaiting with

Flickering words of hope to help

Guide my lost and misguided soul.

You have been there for me through

Every mental breakdown and every

Physical collapse with a blanket

Of kind words and sayings, wrapped

Around my shaking body as your words

Keep me warm and sane.

You have been there for me disguised

As a beautiful poem as we crawl through

The empty void of darkness, trying to

Find our purpose in life through letters

Trying to mend every broken heart

With crumbly pieces of our souls.

I see you and you see me.

This is for my beautiful followers

Who have helped me through

The toughest patches in my life.

You know who you are.

9
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Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
To my followers
You know me better than my
Parents, friends, and siblings.
You have been there for me through
Every dark corner, awaiting with
Flickering words of hope to help
Guide my lost and misguided soul.
You have been there for me through
Every mental breakdown and every
Physical collapse with a blanket
Of kind words and sayings, wrapped
Around my shaking body as your words
Keep me warm and sane.
You have been there for me disguised
As a beautiful poem as we crawl through
The empty void of darkness, trying to
Find our purpose in life through letters
Trying to mend every broken heart
With crumbly pieces of our souls.
I see you and you see me.
This is for my beautiful followers
Who have helped me through
The toughest patches in my life.
You know who you are.
9
3
0
Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Social Anxiety

I've always been naturally skinny,

The kind of skinny girls starve

And die for, but I have never been

Happy with my body.

I'm trying to change that, but my

Anxiety is holding me by my

Spinal cord, unable to function.

I know people are busy popping

Squats and lifting weights, but

I can't help but feel like every eye

Is silently judging me, examining my

Body like a CAT scan. They're sizing

Me up and my body is no match for

These body builders. I desire a sculpted

Muscular body with abs and a squat ass,

But my anxiety refuses to let me enter

The danger zone. My eyes immediately

Survey the gym and my mind is triggered.

There are too many people, too many

Eyes, too many minds, too many...

I try to shrink inside myself as my

Lungs collapse and sweat rolls down

My forehead, my plastered smile becomes

Dangerous. People believe I am okay.

Maybe I'm just really tired from my

First few reps. That's what people think,

But my body is fine. My mind is working

On overdrive. I run out of the gym and sit

In my car, driving home as tears roll down

My cheeks. Why can't I just be normal?

When did the simple act of living

Become so fucking difficult?

When did closing my eyes for the night

Become such a blessing and opening

Them the next morning become a curse?

9
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Juice
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Social Anxiety
I've always been naturally skinny,
The kind of skinny girls starve
And die for, but I have never been
Happy with my body.
I'm trying to change that, but my
Anxiety is holding me by my
Spinal cord, unable to function.
I know people are busy popping
Squats and lifting weights, but
I can't help but feel like every eye
Is silently judging me, examining my
Body like a CAT scan. They're sizing
Me up and my body is no match for
These body builders. I desire a sculpted
Muscular body with abs and a squat ass,
But my anxiety refuses to let me enter
The danger zone. My eyes immediately
Survey the gym and my mind is triggered.
There are too many people, too many
Eyes, too many minds, too many...
I try to shrink inside myself as my
Lungs collapse and sweat rolls down
My forehead, my plastered smile becomes
Dangerous. People believe I am okay.
Maybe I'm just really tired from my
First few reps. That's what people think,
But my body is fine. My mind is working
On overdrive. I run out of the gym and sit
In my car, driving home as tears roll down
My cheeks. Why can't I just be normal?
When did the simple act of living
Become so fucking difficult?

When did closing my eyes for the night
Become such a blessing and opening
Them the next morning become a curse?
9
4
9
Juice
52 reads
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Schizophrenia

I stare at the pitch black corner,

My protruding shoulder blades

Facing the door that only

Opens when it's forced to feed me,

But food will not quench my

Undying knowledge. They're out to

Get me; they're trying to kill me.

They're watching me. The FBI,

NSA, the drones in the sky. The doctors

Say they're protecting me from my own

Mind, but I know the food they're

Trying to feed me is poisoned, so I don't

Eat. Each day, my bones become sharper

And the scars on my skin become

Deeper. I know this is a trick. If I eat,

I will die. I need to stay strong. The voices

In my head are the only ones that care

Whether or not I live. They have always

Been there for me. I cannot desert them.

My body may be withering and slipping

Away from my own grasp, but the voices

Still boom and yell for my protection.

They still treat me like I'm human even

When the world thinks I'm crazy.

14
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Written by lonely in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Schizophrenia
I stare at the pitch black corner,
My protruding shoulder blades
Facing the door that only
Opens when it's forced to feed me,
But food will not quench my
Undying knowledge. They're out to
Get me; they're trying to kill me.
They're watching me. The FBI,
NSA, the drones in the sky. The doctors
Say they're protecting me from my own
Mind, but I know the food they're
Trying to feed me is poisoned, so I don't
Eat. Each day, my bones become sharper
And the scars on my skin become
Deeper. I know this is a trick. If I eat,
I will die. I need to stay strong. The voices
In my head are the only ones that care
Whether or not I live. They have always
Been there for me. I cannot desert them.
My body may be withering and slipping
Away from my own grasp, but the voices
Still boom and yell for my protection.
They still treat me like I'm human even
When the world thinks I'm crazy.
14
6
5
Juice
36 reads
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