When nowhere feels much like home

Everything seems out of place

When the only thing we share

Is the road from here to there

But you no longer recognize my face

And somehow life seems like a symptom

Of things I no longer do

And the breaking of the ocean waves

That lap upon the beach

Remind me what I know is no longer in reach

She looks up at me and I wonder for the millionth time, “Does she know?”

Does she know that I constantly run my fingers through her hair because it reminds me that she’s still here, she hasn’t disappeared yet

I kiss her forehead because it’s her mind that I’ve fallen in love with

I kiss her cheeks because it’s her smile that lights up my entire life

I kiss her ears because she’s the only one who listens without any judgement

I kiss her forearms because her scars only add to the beauty she possesses

I kiss her chest because it holds her heart, the only thing that can shatter mine

I kiss her stomach because she claims she’s fat so I need to show her that I love her for what she has

I kiss her thighs, not because I want to devour what’s between them, but because I respect it

I kiss her calf’s because they’re strong and are willing to carry me when I can’t get up

But ...

I’m terrified of her feet because if they ever choose to walk out of my life

Life as I know it will be hell

* In dedication to me, my girlfriend wrote this and gave me permission to post. I hope the people who read this love it just as much as I do because she is very gifted and talented and this right here shows *

I don’t know what it is, but it’s black, and it’s filling him up. And if I could I would pull it from his body. If I could I would eat it as my last meal. And I fly to him just to try. I hold his hand and hope that my pressure and my voice can drown the darkness. I hope I can pull the damned thing from him and swallow it myself. Snuff me out but please don’t take him. I supplicate as though I could coerce my light to fill him and banish what has taken him over. His words come as lilting breaths. Something just short of a whisper, yet still carrying his cadence. And he wants to leave. But I cannot let him. And I hold onto him, though he assures me I must let go. I must let go, though I crave to carry his contagion. His contagion, my very own albatross. And as the shadows overwhelm him, ragged and shallow breaths struggle to sustain him. But it is only a murky twilight leading into the complete void of midnight. And I don’t know the last time my eyes were dry, but I know it was dark just before. I know I held his hand, and the blackened disease circled our wrists. And that darkness never left him. It consumed me, but it somehow never left him. And I don’t know how, but it took him instead of me. And here I am. And everything is black.

I am running out of people to cry to

And words to explain

This void inside me

Show me another way

To express this pain

In ways that can be useful

To myself or this world

Draw this path out for me

Throw me into it and elaborate

Because I am so lost

So lost

And I do not know how to find my way back

To where I need to be

And are we always this lost?

Is this the reality of adulthood?

Is it the true beauty of it all,

Finding a way to smile as time passes us by

Every holiday or birthday

Less meaningful in a world full of disappointment

And despair

Riddle me this, enlighten me

Why am I so worried about the next moment, that I keep missing the one I stand in right now

And the next one

Give me a moral compass

A direction

I am so lost

So lost