When asked if you know

You said you do not

I know it’s killin’ me though

And I wish it was soft

It’s been a struggle to grow

Without you, taking too many shots

Till I hit the floor

You don’t know how hard I’ve fought

Drowning myself behind closed doors

Because my family is gone

My mind can’t do it anymore

I wrote you all those songs

Ran to you so much I’m sore

Home is where The Heart belongs

But this home

Needs a whole new foundation poured

The first time, it was done all wrong

Shooting mistakes at each other

Always kept score

I would’ve forfeited earlier

Had I known

That game don’t last long

Hoped Our Love would last forever

And before I knew it

It was done

I’m traveling through life

As if

My head has been severed

Blindly paddling along

Sometimes through the stormiest weather

True Love

God knows I need One

To be The Queen of my Empire

That I keep trying to rebuild from

The wreckage of The Fire

The One

Who destroyed the rest of them

Be A St

5/5/2017

Sometimes when I get lost

In the busy world of my thoughts

Something happens that I can’t stop

Imagine a huge game of…

Connect the dots

In a boxing ring that’s got

Those punching robots

You know…

Their heads pop off?

Everything has a reason,

Does it not?

At least that’s the story we bought

Paying attention?

Or don’t know the cost?

Please listen, this is important

Carefully, try to keep up

Satan tells me that I’m stuck

And the only thing that’ll help

Well is drugs

Has my heart tightly clutched

Waiting for my time to come

He won’t look away,

And he speaks to it in tongues

But he will no longer touch

God has surrounded it with Love

It beats to the rhythm of a new drum

A happier song that must be sung

Dancing like there’s no one

Singing ’til there’s no air left in my lungs

I’m here as One of His Sons

To spread Light and Compassion

And stop the endless fighting

I’ve had enough

Instead of attitude,

give out hugs

Compliment someone,

rather than judge

Try smiling and lose the mean mugs

Stop competing and learn to have fun

Be a Man of God,

There’s no Heaven for a thug

Treat others how you’d want…

This is all basic stuff

So why is it adults that give me the most trouble

Always having to be a bigger man

Set a good example

I can’t help it,

That’s what really sucks

Wish I could lose my temper,

Let the Beast have at least one

With His mouth and tongue

Behind teeth tightly clinched

He creates weapons of mass destruction

To slowly paralyze his victims

Like poison,

Striking mouth wide open

But He just won’t let me I guess

With patience of a Saint,

I’ve been truly blessed

O, it comes easy for me you said?

If only you were able to be in my head

You’d never be the same again

But my Heart is full of Love to spread

All I pray for before we make our own ends

We find the courage to make amends

Forgive and forget

It takes time to learn these lessons

So remember,

Baby Steps

Be A St

5/2/2017

There’s something I must admit

I’m hurting because I fell off the wagon

No wonder Hell is where I landed

If I’m not moving forward

I might as well go backwards

Call me old-fashioned

Because I AM

Sometimes I don’t even understand it

Feeling like I am on the wrong planet

But I’m not the One who planned it

And unless I wanted

All that I hold dear to vanish

Then it’s time to stand up

Dry the sweat, clean up the blood

Worry, fears, get rid of that stuff

Make more room for His Love

That’s my validation

If we all told the Truth

There’d be no need for a confession

I no longer need to question

God gave me the blessing

And His Word I’m spreading

Not every student will get it

Either follow me or get left

The next Right, I’ll be taking

Towards God’s image being awakened

I will not be happy with anything less

Than Greatness

Father,

Thank you for every lesson

And the gift of Deliverance

I’ll continue to minister to ALL

Your Children

To set a Good example,

I’ll do my best

On the seventh day, I’ll take time to Rest

From my mouth,

Your Name shall be forever exalted

And in my imminent Death

Will be arisen

A name as powerful as

Jesus

John and James always following

I AM

Nicholas

Be A St

5/10/2017

There's always a long Road to Recover

A pathway needed for Ourselves to Rediscover

Sometimes we have to crumble to come back Bigger

Being stubborn may have even caused us to shatter

Having to ask for Help though, always makes us bitter

Then, everyone thinks they have the right answers

We tell you what we need, you refuse to help get it, figures

Thrown away for mistakes, laying on the streets like litter

Might as well put the gun to Our head, come on Killers

Drugs were the weapon anyway, it's called a Trigger

We need our Faith restored, not an adult babysitter

Our hearts are bleeding, forget about our liver

Just an addict to you now, no longer a family member

Watching Our every move and wonder why we have the jitters

We make you nervous? You wouldn't survive Our minds' torture

Only we can put the pieces of Our puzzle back together

We build the bridge needed for things to get over

If you're going to Help, you need only supply the mortar

Understanding that's not always an easy job, We can be a chore

Doesn't pay well right now either, but you're an investor

Think of each day we are happy as another quarter

Count them up like We do Our days sober

We may need a short leash at first, but never a choker

You're helping Our Life get back to its rightful owner

Its Our product, you’re more like a broker

Don’t need you to hold Us up, just be a strong supporter

We all have the same goal, want Our thought processes better

We left in the first place because we didn’t feel wanted anywhere

This may be Our last chance at Life so please remember

If We leave again, it’s flying, no longer a runner

Most of Our work is done, even the obituary and suicide letters

The eulogy will be the only thing left unwritten here

Consider it your application, if you want the newly open position

The Writer

BEAST

12/31/2016

I've never much cared to write on unlined paper

But always thinking inside the lines seems unfair

Only limited to putting words in a confined space of air

How could I possibly get the whole world then, to care

Staying within those walls leaves too much room to spare

A true artist, such as a painter, would leave no margin bare

Painting a picture with words requires a little more flair

A beautiful portrait, most are mesmerized, they stop, and stare

Invoking millions of pictures on canvas' that most of us are no longer aware

To make another being feel a physical change using only words is a Gift so rare

So from now on everything markable is a place I get to share

Open your minds, let me in,

this Be.A.St. Is of God,

Fear Him as I do,

Thou shalt not be scared

Be.A.St.

1/16/2017

Just for Today

I’ll let it be my first day

Just for Today

I’ll believe there’s a way

Just for Today

I’ll accept I’m in this place

Just for Today

I’ll find something new to chase

Just for Today

I’ll give my tortured mind a break

Just for Today

I’ll give God the reigns

Just for Today

I’ll find solace in His Grace

Just for Today

I’ll also love me just this way

Just for Today

I’ll use my hands to pray

Just for Today

I’ll focus on the temple God gave me to paint

Just for Today

I’ll start painting over some of the gray

Just for Today

I’ll pledge the time required to make His masterpiece Great

Just for Today

I won’t accept Institution or Death as my fate

Just for Today

I’ll no longer sell my soul outside of the Pearly Gates

Just for Today

Every brush stroke will slowly restore my Faith

Just for Today

I’m picking Brighter colors, the canvas remains the same

Just for Today

I’ll remember His Love is vast, it cannot be framed

Just for Today

Tomorrow is not promised, each day is the only one I can make

Just for Today

I am alive and that’s all I need to give Him Praise

Just for Today

And every other day I wake

No matter the weather, I will say

Just for Today

Because

Hell, high-water, or wherever my head may lay

Whether I made one or a million mistakes

The gift He gave me is great, and only better under His embrace

Therefore

I will continue to give Him thanks

Even if it’s only

JUST FOR TODAY!

Be.A.St.

1/11/2017

This road has come to yet another dead end

Wondering should I turn back or just play dead

I’ve decided to take flight, must transcend instead

My strength and will both put through a rigorous test

In which I loved, laughed, gained, lost, healed and bled

And turning my soul as fierce as my beard is Red

To keep my third eye open, I no longer want the meds

Leaving me impervious to slander, what he or she says

I took the time I needed to in order to learn who I am

I’m grateful for those who picked up where I slacked

And who lifted me up, instead of turning their backs

It’s the expectation itself, not I, that makes you mad

In reality, everyone must realize, no one owes us jack

I could have left anytime, afraid I’d turn your soul black

Or get so high, I would never see another landing pad

I may waiver, but perseverance is not a trait I have lacked

Nothing’s forever, many friends turned ancient artifacts

I am St. Nicholas however, of course I always have presence

In your soul, I have planted seeds of valuable life lessons

If you nurture them, they will continue to grow so impressive

All loss deserves grief but they also should bring appreciation

It could be a shorter ride than I thought, I'm back on track again

My dream, I’d change the world even if it was just as One Man

No desire for the fame or my name on some gold plaque

For the greater good, a concept we no longer seem to understand

I’m spreading the Word, rewritten as if it was His own right hand

God has given me the gift as a tool to help share Words unspoken

I refuse to watch time go by in a circle, it's just a waste of two hands

I'd rather be able to see clearly, perhaps looking through an hourglass

Because before too long, it will drop the last grain of sand

Forever dreaming, because a dream untouched is just that

There’s no better time than now, I’m going to make it a fact

BEAST

8/8/2016

This whole Poetry thing

Started as an escape for me

A place I go when

My thoughts need organizing

Because I can’t go forward

With them so unruly

Can I write something happy?

I guess we will have to see

However

I embrace the darkness

Truly

Whether or not

You like my writing

Whatever emotion

It suddenly has you feeling

Touching your soul

Is my ability

Maybe my words

Made you feel guilty

But

Only God can Judge

And

They’re not the jury

This isn’t even a trial

Why all the fury?

You’re the only one

Who looks unhappy

So every time

You see me smiling

Know

I’m married to this pen

This pad is my boxing ring

And

I won’t quit until

I’m the Greatest

Ali

BE.A.ST.

1/10/2017

I see this stranger almost everywhere I go it seems 

Eye contact will get a smile, but he wears a blank stare mostly 

There’s something about him that makes the silence intriguing 

When I get caught staring, I swear he knows what I’m thinking 

And I’m suddenly overwhelmed by what can only be however he’s feeling 

His aura is comfortable, all the hearts around him are always opening 

People easily telling him all, they’re literally pouring 

It seems odd, he only gave them a polite greeting 

More often than not it’s even their first meeting 

No wonder he looks tired, a refuge to so many pleading 

And although sometimes distant, his demeanor is far from demeaning 

Must need those broad shoulders to bare the world’s dealings 

Matches his big heart but he has an unrivaled energy 

Always get the urge to follow, wonder where he is going 

He’s never really said, and the places I’ve seen him, only leave me believing 

He must be nomadic, goes wherever the wind is blowing 

There are many days I almost start asking 

But if he doesn’t even know, then I’d only be chasing 

Following a stranger, I guess, may also be considered crazy 

I am however, so I only have one question remaining 

Wherever he’s going, will the stranger in the mirror take me.