A Letter To Kitty

Dear Kitty,

First of all, let me just start by saying that I know you cannot read and I know that you probably don't care either. You are just that kind of kitty. But I shall write you this letter either way. Maybe it'll make for a good story later on.

Now Kitty, while I am gone, I have only three things for you to do.

One: Don't jump out the window onto the balcony. Whenever you do that, Ms. Pepperpin next door gets scared and thinks that there are ghosts coming to get her and I don't need another complaint.

Two: Please stay out of my closet. I know that you like to cuddle up with all my old t-shirts and stuffed animals in the corner, but, it is not clean nor healthy and it won't be long until I get you your own little cuddle corner so chill.

And Three: Don't even think about eating my pot pie. I know you Kitty. You don't care if it's cold or hot or undercooked or overcooked. You love my pot pies. But it is my pot pie Kitty. We've had this conversation a million times: You don't eat another person's pot pie. It isn't right. It's goddamned dirty. So don't do it Kitty. When I come back, (maybe) I'll make you your own pot pie. But don't even dare think about eating mine.

Sincerely,

Your owner