You goddern ignorant Cat

On your ass

Ever eager for attention

You couldn't

Snag a rat

If on that your life depended

Bombastic in your screeching

Slimy arrogant shitty eyes

Oh, hell

NO, kitty, this is MY pot pie!!!

Shoo away

You useless twat

Stupid bag of bones

You've got your own

Food over there

Sitting in your bowl

Eat it up

You goofy idiot

And don't look at me like that

Eh...well

Don't you tell the neighbors

Kitty

But I kinda love ya

For a cat

I call her the destroyer 

she plunges her fat body into every meal 

without me 

I really mean without me 

I sit a bag Oreos on my bed

and she devours the whole thing 

she takes her kitty litter nails and scopes out the cream of the oreo 

with her fecal filled taste buds licks her prize 

she rolls her belly to the side of me and gives me a death glare if I reach over and try to grab one, she likes my little personal trainer 

she loves to eat everything I eat 

when I dine 

she dines 

but not today I made a pot pie 

and it is my favorite 

I sit her in a chair and tie a napkin around her neck 

and place a can of Purina with her 

and she opens her mouth and 

 and screeches so loud 

and I reach under the table and plug cotton balls in my ear 

and scoop into my pie and lick my lips 

and glare into her eyes 

and I say No kitty, This is my pot pie 

and she places her head into the can of Purina 

and I cut a piece of the pie 

and slide under face

and she gives me a kiss on my cheek and laugh 

because I made 2 pies 

a pie for me 

and a Purina pie for her 

*to my baby coco 

NO kitty this is my pot pie, Dont touch it, Dont look at it, Dont stare at it.

No kitty this is my pot pie, Dont whisper  or tell its story. No kitty it’s all right dont say you’re sorry. But this is my pot pie, it’s full of secrets of how I used its power to hide. Hide that liquid that ate my husband’s life.

NO kitty, this is my pot pie

Sitting so deliciously on the kitchen side

Keep your eye off the dish

I shall give you a little if you wish

But take one step towards the smell

I shall surely give you hell

It is unhygienic for you to nose my food

I also think it pretty rude

The other day you stole my pork chop

This stealing from your mummy has to stop!

AHHHP NOPE KITTY OFF THE KEYBOARD

YES you're cute...

but- since you're not acting like Satan's reincarnation chugging red-bull and smoking crack laced pcp you must want something.

Awww kittyish being such a sweetie poo...

I loveies the rumblies... NO. OFF. THE. KEYBOARD.

The fuck was that noise? TUXIE THE FUCK DID YOU BREAK THIS TIME?

Awww big eyes you just want attention don't you?

Has kitty kitty became a sane, tame kitty instead of the asylum stray that attackied the bad place workies?

Aww let me get kitty kitty a treat treat -Mrrrowpurr- AWW so much cuteness

Here's a slice of the FINEST tuna fro -kitty snatches it and runs off-

That. Fucking. Cat. Gets me every time. -sigh- Sits bummed.

Kitty hops on the top of the couch, licking her lips, and gives me a head bump.

I swear we're both smiling.

Tuxie is the strangest, most beloved, breaks-all-the-known rules rescue I've ever met. I wasn't a cat person - and she SURE wasn't a human cat. Her scars tell her story, as do my own - the ones you can see and the ones you can't.

(Since her backstory isn't part of my entry, I'll comment it if anyone's interested in reading it.)

I see you kitty

Looking at my pot pie

I see the content

Deep in your eyes

I baked it kitty

I found the recipe

I bought the ingredients

With my own money

I waited kitty

For that pie to cool

It's mine now kitty

Don't be a fool

I'm watching you kitty

Your eyes on my pie

You will not have it

I told you, it's mine

You leap for the pie kitty

I see you and below

"NO kitty, this is MY pot pie!!!"

Then away you go

The pie is done cooling

I cut it and serve

While I think to myself

'This is what I deserve'

I notice you kitty

In the corner where you brood

I do feel kind of bad

I guess I was rude

I'm sorry kitty

I had gone awry

Now join me here

Let's share this pot pie.

Dear Kitty,

First of all, let me just start by saying that I know you cannot read and I know that you probably don't care either. You are just that kind of kitty. But I shall write you this letter either way. Maybe it'll make for a good story later on.

Now Kitty, while I am gone, I have only three things for you to do.

One: Don't jump out the window onto the balcony. Whenever you do that, Ms. Pepperpin next door gets scared and thinks that there are ghosts coming to get her and I don't need another complaint.

Two: Please stay out of my closet. I know that you like to cuddle up with all my old t-shirts and stuffed animals in the corner, but, it is not clean nor healthy and it won't be long until I get you your own little cuddle corner so chill.

And Three: Don't even think about eating my pot pie. I know you Kitty. You don't care if it's cold or hot or undercooked or overcooked. You love my pot pies. But it is my pot pie Kitty. We've had this conversation a million times: You don't eat another person's pot pie. It isn't right. It's goddamned dirty. So don't do it Kitty. When I come back, (maybe) I'll make you your own pot pie. But don't even dare think about eating mine.

Sincerely,

Your owner

NO kitty, thats MY pot pie!

What are you doing perching on my thigh?

I've told you cat you can not have,

My pot pies not up for grabs!

I see your paws getting closer by the second.

Stop looking at me like that please stop begging.

I've given you beef, pork, and lamb,

Now you're trying another scam?

Im telling you cat back off soon,

You're not taking my pot pie too!

I swear it kitty not again,

Paws off or it'll be off with your head.