I don’t want to be afraid anymore.
Why doesn't my brain ever stop. Why won't my brain let me think I'm good enough for anyone. Why won't my brain just let me breathe. I'm suffocating in my own mind. When I look back on it there is a lot that leads up to it all. Why I don't trust guys, why I don't let them close to me, why I never want to again. I learned at a Young age how dominant men can be, how harmful. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to learn to be afraid and fight as a little girl. I wasn't supposed to be scared for the remainder of my adulthood. I am. I'm afraid to let anyone in. The worst part of it is that even when someone promises to stay, promises to never let you go and disappear, they do. People do not understand the entirety of the promises they are making when they make them. People change and love and feeling complete goes to being hurt and emotionally damaged. People hurt each other, it's in or nature from birth. We destroy each other. The worst is when we destroy the person We're supposed to love and take care of. My brain is so full today. It's not quiet, it's loud and obnoxious, it's screaming. I want to be able to be whole again, to be who I was before all of this happened to me. Before other humans destroyed the human I was. People scare me, they change their minds so quickly.