can’t help feeling you

you.

your name used to glide through my mouth

slipping out slowly and sweetly

like a million butterflies at once

the sound of it made me inexplicably happy

now.

it spins and twists and wraps around my throat choking me

i'm lucky if i can say it without tears spilling out

you have become a dragon in my throat

most nights are spent fighting

most nights it's not my fault

most nights it becomes my fault

i remember the nights you used to care

the nights we would stay up all night talking

the nights where all I did was cry, but you were there like an unwavering rock

now

i'm lucky if i get a text back

how can i be happy again

if i stay with you

if you've become the reason the dragon is here

but how can i ever leave,

if after the dragon goes away for the day, the butterflies come back.