1. if he wants to be with you he will. do not waste your time with boys who don't care

2. just because you have been friends with them forever, does not mean you have to remain friends with them forever

3. don't be ashamed to love the things you love. you love them for a reason. love them loud

4. it is not the right time with some people. they will come back if it's meant to be

5. community is strongest when it is hurting. be there for others

6. you are not always right. be open to other people's points of view but stay strong on issues you are passionate about

7. make time for people who make time for you

8. your mom is right about a lot of things. listen to her

9. you don't have to accept other people's negative comments. stand up for yourself

10. you will meet people who will leave your life on unhappy terms. do not destroy memories based off that. you will regret it

11. don't judge anyone based off what you hear. form your own opinions

12. just because they once made you happy does not mean they always will

i feel too much 

too often

everything i feel comes in big sweeping waves of emotion

that overwhelm

surrounding me in twisted thoughts 

enough to make me pull my hair out

i tell you this

you do not reply

i had a bad day

one that left me sobbing in my bed

stuffing a pillow in my mouth 

so no one would ask

i resembled a ship 

the shattered remains of one

sails ripped apart

engine no longer working

i tell you this 

you do not reply

my dog died

she was old

it was an unhappy life for her

i have not stopped crying

and now i cry alone

as she was the only one who knew

of the heartbroken tears that escaped from me every night

i tell you this

you do not reply

i wonder

how much of this can i take

how much can a human

possibly survive

what pushes someone over the limit

you

you push people over the limit

your silence says more to me than you ever did

and i think

this 

this is what you needed to hear

i tell you this

and you reply

you deserve better

i hope you never see this.

i cannot tell if i am in love with you or if i want to be best friends with you.

i want to spend every moment with you

and if not with you, i want to be texting you

i come to you with every problem i have

and i listen to you when you rant

however seldom that is

but isn't that something friends do?

that's not exclusive to a relationship

my problem is i feel everything too much, and too deeply

i can not separate lust from love

and friendship from a relationship

the lines tend to blur

i have not been in a single relationship

where i have not fallen for someone else

which is why i'm terrified i'll ruin us too

i'm in too deep with you

i wake up every morning just to text you

i don't sleep at night without a goodnight from you

but i do not know if i love you

because i am not sure i want to kiss you

and that's love isn't it?

it is just a friendship but with kissing

so if i do not want to kiss you

i do not know if i want to love you

you were taken too soon. you've probably heard it a million times by now. "muslim teen assaulted and killed". but i think you're more then that. you brought life to a school that's somber without you. i did not hear a single person laugh in the lockers this morning. it was unspeakably quiet, only broken by heartwrenching sobs. i see your friends pass in the hallway, mascara trails down their cheeks. i heard the speech our principal gave after school, a class coming together, building a memorial around your locker. it seems so wrong that next year, someone news going to have it and it will all be gone. it feels so wrong to keep going without you here. how am i supposed to sit here and study when you're dead. you're not here anymore. and we're just supposed to keep going. move on with our lives? how? how could we ever do that? but i am not allowed to be this sad for a girl i didn't know. i didn't share stories with you in the halls. i didn't fall in love with you at two am. i saw you in the halls, but we never talked. so am i allowed to be this heartbroken over you? because i am. i hope you're happy where you are now babe. rest in peace.

there are many people in control of my life. but not one of them is me.

the teenage girl with perfect blonde hair and white teeth and a smile plastered on her face, standing on the street corner has more control over my life then i do. she controls how i act until i get out of her line of sight, but the control is simply passed to the next perfect person in my range.

everyone seems to get an opinion on me except for me.

everyone seems to be able to make me change my hair, dress a little different, put on a little more makeup.

but when will i ever do something for me?

will i be able to dress for me someday? not worry about impressing the girl on the street corner?

dye my hair back to brown, but not for someone else, for me?

will i stop dumbing myself down because the boy in my chemistry class might not find me attractive when he finds out i know more then he does?

many people have control over my life

but i want to know how i can control my life.

you.

your name used to glide through my mouth

slipping out slowly and sweetly

like a million butterflies at once

the sound of it made me inexplicably happy

now.

it spins and twists and wraps around my throat choking me

i'm lucky if i can say it without tears spilling out

you have become a dragon in my throat

most nights are spent fighting

most nights it's not my fault

most nights it becomes my fault

i remember the nights you used to care

the nights we would stay up all night talking

the nights where all I did was cry, but you were there like an unwavering rock

now

i'm lucky if i get a text back

how can i be happy again

if i stay with you

if you've become the reason the dragon is here

but how can i ever leave,

if after the dragon goes away for the day, the butterflies come back.

I had never cared about the colors until I met you

I never cared about how the sun rips apart the sky every night

and stitches it back together the next morning with threads of red and gold and magenta

I never cared about the stars that shine through the darkness of the night

how they gleamed in patterns too complex for us to see

and how the moon shone through on a cloudy night

a beacon of hope for everyone lost and looking

i never cared about the first spring day

the sign of new beginnings as the first leaf appears

a green ray of happiness breaking through the murky ground

i never thought about how the leaves fell in fall and created tapestries on the forest floor

how the ocean shone bright and blue

an endless stretch of uncountable possibilities

until I saw your face and it was like the sun and the earth revolved just for you

it became that the sun shone for you

it rose every morning for you to feel

the moon’s light became radiant when i learned it was your favorite thing

it became the highlight of my night just so i could describe it to you the next day

the sunsets became hour long conversations as i tried to describe the vibrant shades that created it

as if i could ever do justice to it

but nothing compared to you

nothing compared to the way your hair fell when you walked

like you hadn't a care in the world and everything was okay

the way your cloudy eyes shone in the sunlight

shades of blue and gray peeking out under the white sheen covering them

and your smile

it was like God had come down and radiated through you

your smile could end wars

it could solve any problem i had

make anyone's day

but don't you get it?

everything shines for you

a world cruel enough to not allow you to see the beauty made for you 

Every stranger has a story. Some stories stand out crisp and clear, easy to read just by a quick glance at the situation. Some strangers are much harder; their stories are muddled, not defined by a passing glance. No matter the situation however, everyone will be judged. People may not mean to, but everyone forms judgements about everyone else. Humans judge others to make themselves feel better about themselves, and they put passing strangers down to make themselves seem superior. The majority of the time everyone was wrong, because a snap judgement of a stranger cannot captures a person’s whole life.

Mia learned that quickly, as everyone seemed to have an opinion about her, mind made up before she even introduced herself. She was a complete stranger to these people, yet they already deemed who she was. She knew what they thought, she looked like an angel to them. A strand of pearls laying at her neck, blonde hair swept up into an elegant bun, a shining smile and eyes as blue as the sea. Her makeup was always done perfectly, everything blended to a T, and her outfit was always picked with grace. Everyone who met her already knew she could commit no sins, had decided she went to church on Sundays, that she would deliver no harm. This was all decided before she opened her mouth.

That’s what made it even better when she started shooting. Mia loved to see the shock on their faces when she pulled out her gun, the terror when she fired the first shot. She would bask in the petrified screams when the blood splattered, creating dripping tapestries on the walls. She would laugh in delight when the patrons of whatever shop she was in tried to hide behind counters and clothes racks. Those were her favorite, the ones who tried to save themselves, to hide or fight back, she would always save those for last. Those were the people who probably had things to live for, husbands and wives, children and parents, she took an immense happiness in knowing that she took something away from their families. And when it was over, she was heartbroken, as this was the only thing that brought her happiness, but she always had tomorrow, and that would bring the joy back to her face.