Unrequited Love
I love you, you know
Only you don't
I spy on you through the curtains
Of your window across the street
I see your biceps flexing, your pecs firm
And I imagine you placing your arms
Around my shoulders to comfort me
Tiny me snug in your embrace
But it's more than that, you know
Only you don't
I see a kindness in the crinkle of your eyes
The pursing of your sensitive lips
That would feel like silk against mine
As I threw my passion for you
Into that first kiss
And the next
And the next
So you would understand how I feel
I've written you dozens of letters proposing
That we meet and "try each other on for size,"
Only I've never sent them
If I got caught, they'd lock me up for being a pervert
And I'd be stigmatized forever
And you'd be guilty by association,
Something I would never want for you
So I simply watch as you playfully snuggle on the couch
With your husband
Joke and jest and act as normal as every gay man is
And I am jealous
Jealous because I can't love a woman
The way you love a man
And it hurts
Hurts until my insides twist into knots
And my breathing comes in shallow gasps
I feel normal, but I know if I came out
No one would believe me
I am tainted goods
So I hide inside my feelings
Put on the fake smile every day
And bury my true self
Where no one else can reach
Hoping love will still find a way to comfort me
Despite the abomination
Society says I am