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John Dryden once wrote that good satire is not offensive since the wise enjoy it and the fool doesn’t recognize it. That it’s one thing to butcher and another to cut so keenly you decapitate while leaving the head in place. “The Onion” has been delivering wonderful parodies of mainstream journalism since 1988. Their work is a careful balance of realism, wit, irreverence, and humor. To complete this challenge, write an Onion-esque satirical news article or advertisement. 75 coins “cash” prize!
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NicNoBelle in Comedy
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Are Screens Lowering Success?

Do you seem to be on your phone or other electronic device regularly?  If so, you've probably heard the tell-tale warning that too much screen-time can have negative consequences.  Recent studies conducted by the Side Effects of Screen Organization (SESO) may have proven that theory.  SESO recently reported that, as part of their general screen studies, there seems to be a correlation between screen-time and success rates.  The majority of the studies took place on the university level.  SESO took two groups of students: one that would spend three hours of their day on a smart phone, and one that spent no time on a smart phone.  After a week, both groups were given a simple test.  It was reported that 94% of those who spent three hours a day on a smart phone made lower scores than those who did not.  This study was repeated using various different types of technology.  When a tablet or iPad was used in place of a phone, 89% of device users did more poorly.  In the case of a laptop computer, 67% of device users had lower scores.  The final electronic device that was used in the study was a television.  However, in this case, only 12% of device users made scores lower than those who did not use the device. 

Dr. Janis P. Hone, who was heading the studies, explained what this could mean for device users.  In her public statement representing SESO, she said the following:

"The evidence of [the] studies clearly shows the impact that these devices have on our bodies and minds.  This should be a wake-up call for those that use cellphones, tablets, iPads, computers, and any other device with which you stare at a screen.  This technology is proving to make us less successful in the real world.  Something needs to be done to end this epidemic of screen-obsessed device users."

Dr. Hone elaborated on her plan to reduce the number of those exposing themselves to large amounts of screen-time in her publication, The Technological Apocalypse: An Age of Screen Zombies.  This article can be found in SESO's scientific journal, The Affected. 

With this new information being released, it is hard to predict what the public's response will be.  What about you?  Will you give up your screen for success?

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