I’m So Unhappy, But You Just Can’t See It

my new year's resolution

was to stop crying in front of you

to stop letting you hurt me

so bad, so frustratingly

easy the way

my tears would flood

when you'd raise your voice

when you pursed your lips so tight

shouldn't feel scared, but i am and it

hurts because, you know, we're blood

and we're supposed to love each other

but we don't

we won't

and that's not okay

i'm not okay

i promise

i need to stop

those insignificant thoughts

plaguing my mind

screaming with spit in my face

"i hate you" "i hope you die"

and it makes we wanna throw up, daddy

mommy's in pain

because she's a doctor and yet she can't fix us

she might psychoanalyze

and tell me that its you, not me,

but that doesn't make me feel any better

knowing that my red blood cells

deserve white rooms and straight jackets

and group therapy with strangers

that have you eyes

your smile i haven't seen

in such a long time

fuck my promise

all i can do is sob

and wish you were here

telling me

you're okay