Cliff Diving
I'm experimenting with formatting today, and would appreciate feedback as to which of the two versions below you think reads better. Also comments on the poem itself are welcome.
Cliff Diving - I
Meet me there, on
precipice where
full moon bathes our
bodies bare. We’ll
dare our longest leap,
side by shivered
side, into still
waters deep; off
new shores, beyond
bind of shadows’ keep.
Fueled by beam of
satin song-shine
stitched through breaths, to
hold for ages
shards of broken hearts.
Cliff Diving - II
Meet me there, on precipice
where full moon bathes our bodies,
bare.
We’ll dare our longest leap,
side by shivered side into still waters deep;
off new shores, beyond bind
of shadows’ keep.
Fueled by beam of
satin song-shine stitched through breaths,
to hold for ages
shards of broken hearts.