Closed off
You may believe that you are closed off
A wheel that cannot be broken
Nor rebound the call of the waves in its hallow conches
But until you wallow in your own darkest desires
Yet still spend each day standing like a mountain
You do not know closed off
Until you weep your nights in pain, for the one who has forgotten your name,
But still to then you act okay
And smile and pretend everything is the same
You do not know closed off
Until you have to fight each day and night to be yourself
No one else
And beat away those who pry
You do not know closed off
Until you watch each and everyone you love slowly dir, on the inside and the out,
You do not know closed off
Until you want to raise your hands in the air and scream and shout and throw all you shit about !
You do not know closed off
Until you watch your own life slipping down the drain,
Stained with blood from all your pain,
You do not know closed off.
Until each time you look into his eyes, and see only lies,
You do not know closed off
Until each breath you take is filled with longing,
You do not know closed off
Until you look at the sky,
And see no stars,
Only the pattern of his face,
You do not know closed off
Until you can stand in a crowded hall
And think only of when you'll catch a gilmps of him
You do not know closed off
Until each beat of your heart hurts from the weight of simply being alive,
You do not know closed off
Until the pages of your book have turned blank before your eyes,
And every word you write is a black blob,
You do not know closed off
Until you spend each day as the best friend of the boy you love,
But never getting closer
Because he's already checked you off his list
You do not know closed off
Until you sit beside the highway at 2 am. Full of despare and only wishing to be alone and loose yourself,
You do not know closed off
Until you spend each night lying awake until 2am and toss and turn until finally drifting off to the haunt of a broken smile,
You do not know closed off
Until each moment you wait for him
And until when your alone your mind thinks only of him
And until your sleepless nights are plaguing you days
And until you sitting on the kitchen floor music loud enough for your ears to bleed
And until your throwing things across the room, tears streaming down your face
Until you curl up in a ball, trying to cover the whole in the middle of you that they used to fill,
You do not know closed off
And you sure as hell don't know me