for her.
1. forget about all the yourselfs you've lost in empty hotel rooms that nobody paid for,
forget they even existed.
you are the only yourself that the world will ever need.
2. if you wake up in the middle of a sleepless night
sitting cross-legged
on the edge of your bed,
gun pressed to your head,
fingers clenching like the blinking stars of our hands
when we were five and sang twinkle twinkle little star,
know that i love you
and please remind yourself
which side of the gun
you should be on.
3. your arms around me
are enough.
they always will be.
4. if you can feel a panic attack
coming,
please don't lock yourself in your room
and turn the music up
just a little bit
and check, frantically,
that the curtains are closed
and press your eyelids shut
as if they were hands pressed together in prayer.
breathe slowly and ground yourself:
find five different things you can see,
four things you can feel,
three things you can hear,
two things you can smell
and one thing you can taste.
take a deep breath with each thing you find.
5. i know it's never nice to lose yourself,
but sometimes it happens
so you can become stronger.
6. your favourite flower
is the yellow chrysanthemum.
7. you matter.
8. in the end,
you are your own hero.
you don't need wings
or a cape
or a wish
to fly.
9. don't be scared.
10. i love you, i will always love you, i have always loved you. now and forever.
11. i'm sorry.