Hugging Walls

When there were things as Malls - real malls, not the strip malls they have now - I would sweat and get nervous when I got passed the opening and into the center courts or escalators. When I got to these vast areas and I could see down or up to the high levels, I would almost faint or drop to the ground.

It was the wide open spaces and the unnatural urge to leap over the railing that made me want to hug the floor. But I couldn't just hug the floor, so much to the chagrin of whoever I was with - I would hug the walls. Sweat coming from my forehead and a hand on the wall to ground myself from giving into the urge to leap over.

That was the way it was for me since I can remember as a kid. But I think I was in my early twenties when I started facing my fears. Because these fears I had, and I had a lot, were stopping me from doing things. I didn't want that in my life. And this was the first one to get over.

So, this is how I started getting over this fear of heights. I chose to break it apart. I started with railings from second floors in malls at first and then everything after that...just in small steps. I just started telling myself over and over that I could do it. And I would start walking closer to the railing on the second levels. Til I had one hand on the railing.

Then two hands...then a little while later, standing right next to the rail looking down. This wasn't over night, this took literally years. I just willed myself over there, taking things one at a time till I got past these fears.

But every now and then, it came back, like at Disney's Contemporary resort when I looked over the side in the main building... thought I was going to be sick. I don't think we conquer our fears, I think we just learn to face them.