Drifting

I used to be full.

I used to be whole.

I used to laugh and smile.

I was like a pea in its pod.

I was like a hand in a glove.

I never doubted myself.

I knew who I was.

I was strong and confident.

I knew exactly what I wanted.

And I had it.

I had him.

But now I’m beginning to lose it.

I’m losing a part of myself.

He is taking me with him.

I don’t know what I want anymore.

I don’t smile as big or as bright.

I don’t laugh as hard or as often.

I cry more and more.

I long for the old me.

The old him.

I’m like a tree that has lost its leaves.

I’m like a phone with no charge.

I feel as if it’s all becoming a memory.

As if he is becoming a memory.

I want him back.

All of him.

More than anything.

I love him.

More than anything.

He's drifting and I don’t know how long I can wait for him to return.

But what if it’s me not him?

What if I am the one who has changed?

What if I am the one holding us back?

Holding him back.

What if I am the reason he doesn’t smile as much?

What if I am the cause of our drifting?

What if he doesn’t love me anymore?

I don’t know what I did.

Or if I did anything.

Or if his feelings are still true.

That’s the problem.

I just don’t know.

I don’t know anything anymore.

I don’t know how he feels.

Because he doesn’t tell me anymore.

Because he doesn’t show me anymore.

I don’t know if he cares.

About me.

About anything.

I just want to know.

Because I care.

More than he’ll ever know.