Reliable as Hell

The thing you should know about the devil is that he’s quite reliable. You can always count on him to be beside you when you’re at your lowest. He’s very loyal; he’ll stick around. He is very thoughtful, the Devil, he really is. He’s memorized every dark secret you’ve whispered at night, every single blackened thought that you’ve tucked away in the corners of your mind. He seeks them out and polishes every last one of them. The Devil pays attention to you and knows exactly what you want; he never fails to give you advise on how to get it. How about murder? Too extreme? Well a little white lie wouldn’t hurt, dear, it really wouldn’t.