A lost Existence

My mind, if you can call it that, or.. I guess, If I can call it that?

It's dancing like tango with out a partner..

Not throbbing more floating.. Twisting, divided, impaired..

Am I intact? Or formless, but I think well enough..

Even, I contemplate being evenly apart; disjointed but, no joints to speak..

My mind rests on the word joint, and a cacophony rushes in my mind rebounding the words of thought Pot-Plant-Canibus-Bus-Sub-Bun-Sun-Star-Moon-Night..

ughngh..

I feel like a figment, is this what an Imaginarium is..

Raw thoughts becoming like a feeling; or... where I am, .. am I?

am I but a shadow, or not?

I see a bright emptiness, well sort of..

It's more like A outstretched whiteness. A box expanding and contracting like a breath, & in the second I think that I see a square room.

The room becomes a circle.

Then If I think the room is like a circle, then it forms back into a cube likeness, but different.

This time a trapezoid

no a cone..

But the feeling that time does not exist lingers.. Do I exist? Am I?.. another cacaophony forms in my mind.. I.. I-Eye-Sight-see-blind

I visualize down, I feel a etching a tablet, of paper? It is smooth with embossed rough textures, I scan over it in my mind.

Words form not as cognition exactly, but a feeling of omission & warning. The feeling becomes stronger, powerful even.. A wholeness of revocation's with name's that even word's have forgotten.

Unknowns, all as if screaming a angry letter.

My mind throbs.. I feel the impact of the transmission.

I Have been... BannedRevokedDevoidOmitedDisallowedAdmittedReposed..

ArgghhHhh My mind!!. So-o many names & symbols; so much invalidation all pointing to remiss and me..

What did I do... .. … What was the Cause.. Effect-Motion-Reason-Place-Person-Thing.. ..

Candles.. Plasma Light-nignngh

*!*

I,.. I was a scientist..

I delved into the study of polarity.

Not polarity like a fraction of electric and thermionic reactions.. no, I mean deeper.

I mean, the dissection of the root of morality as a energy that grants choice.

The sense beyond senses, beyond the sapience; behind the psychology & the ID & the EGO.

Not formulations of cause and effect; but the frames of dimensional choices itself in itself.

The existence, of choice..

I was working with water fire and the iron in plasma.., some of the steps more vague than the rest..,

perhaps I am limiting my own self from the folly of finding such a predicament.. the rest I recall of the experiment is a current runs through, then a shifting and merging of electromagnetism etcetera...

Ugnh.. My pain is less than before, perhaps I am adapting to this stasis..

A set of syntheses, I had been working on at the time.

A gate..

A gate.. An electrified vortex from bending the fabric into inverted subspace perforates into itself, like some proverbial Alice's rabbit hole..

and being the sole soul I am..

I went through and throughout wonderland.

In a sense, I went and I saw God or perhaps the reflection..

The web of all, the Hive, the infinite outstretched possible; form and reform.

I can only describe it like Tesla himself has said about the storm's he had meditated to in the Hotel on a stormy night..

Talking of the sounds and voices in the lightning and thunder itself, as if speaking in plasma is a reality of the divide of being and not being.

Where All forms flowing, blood, water, fire, sand, lava, all moving with out temperature's. Where energy is not sacrificed, and survival is not dependent on physical interactions.. Like some eternally expanding husk pulsating, & it undulates the only madness, found in H.P Lovecraft.

Here not as a being of benign or beguiled sanity.

But the linear infinite realm of mind's creating & building paths & paths yet built; which is the insanity, the genius, the Anima the Animus, the creature's, the living the dead, the path the lost; the dream.

The encompassed,.. & The engulfed..

I crossed into this realm, & the door; if you can call it that..

had shut..

My body now a figment of my own complexes..

Where everything I knew, had gained No meanings..

Here lies the truths and the lies as one;

where good and evil are nothing but a creature's nature's.

And a reaction of beast's, is the same as mankind's; a creature one in the same.

I stepped into the bend of all choices formed and reformed, and I thought in a realm of supercomplexities.

My one mistake..

To think that I.. Did not exist, in a place where existence was everything and nothing at the same time.

And all I did.., and what I did..

was think in a foolish Egotism.

..I had planned to write my findings in a book.

For when when I figure a way back, & as any researcher would do. So I wrote In my mind for later notation use.. and so.

Mental note: “I have been banned from existence; from what I mean is, what I have learned in this event. I am about to recall and describe which I found, It will not make sense because sense is a conflagration here. Where what we think to know, we have yet to know. And what I have seen, has undone every perplexing sense that we thought we knew of. And beyond sentience where sapience lies, is a electric reaction of the minds-eye, to the brain's body. Of what I and we feel; Is.. No longer knowledge has meaning; but wisdom to what plane we think is; is but a endless whiteness shapeless shaping canvas empty and whole. A room filled of nothing we ever thought we knew..

..How Ironic that Karma would play myself as my own God, upon a foolish wish of recognition..

I myself willed this paper.

This complex room of inverted wish's..

I thought I knew, and now I know nothing of what I Had known before.

Now, until I thought I knew.

I only recall what I had known is meaningless.

The end