“Banned from Existence”
Do you need something
—says this white noise
from between my lines
like a soundless scratch
across a blank slate
laughing so blindly in
my unschooled face
as it echoes from behind
the whiteboard of my mind
Say, there, naivete—
you who so wanted out!
isn’t this the sterile-gauze
you have wished for? or
is it not cracked up to be
all of what you had once
imagined when insisting
on just being left to yourself?
How does your free-choice run
—in its self-imposed sentence?
now that you’re banned from all
of so called everyday Existence!
in this whitewashed room
stuck with your stark cold
illusions of endless peace and...
with your whole Unresolve locked
into the tide of its little white lies
Eyes opened. I was in an endless well lit white room. Was this some kind of prank? I scanned the room and found a small piece of paper on top of a glass counter that was right behind me. It has a short message written in a bold, cursive handwriting~ ‘‘You have been banned from existence.’’ I checked the back side of the paper, nothing. It was blank. No other message, but only the banned from existence notice. I looked to see if there were any cameras around me. There were none.
I tried to run in one direction, and find an exit. It felt like I was running in circles. I stopped & found that I was back at the same spot, near the glass counter. ‘Urg!’ I crouched down and thought about who could be responsible for carrying out this odd experiment. Or why they decided to carry it out on me?
Suddenly, my mind raced and most of my past memories flooded through my mind. The one that made me get back up was the one that reminded me why I was probably brought into this white room. I took a couple of deep breaths. There was no way I would let them keep me here for good. I wasn’t going to let them win.
I knew what I had to do next. I clasped my hands and concentrated. With my eyes shut, I focused my energy on opening a doorway back to my own time. When I opened my eyes, I was glad that it had worked. Whoever had decided to ban me was going to be in for a shock. I walked right through the doorway and it closed once I passed through it. I was so happy to be back home.
On The Fourth Day
The paper in her hands when she awoke read,“You have been banned from existance.”
She crushed it up muttering,“Obviously untrue.” Then threw the crumbled ball and it bounced twice before dissapearing into the white light of nothingness that surounded her.
“Hmmmmm...I’ve got a body, a blank universe, and words.” she said outloud then laid back, eyes closed and as she had so long ago and created a more perfect universe. This time careful to remember to manifest more magic and leave unconceived those things formed out of anger, hatred and judgement that came to destroyher last try. This time her wonderous project was complete in less than three days.
On the fourth day she rested.
Banned from existence you sure?
Hmmm now lets think for a minute. I'm awakening in an infinite white room with a letter addressed to me saying "You have been banned from existence". I'll respond to sender of the piece of paper and write back why am I here though? Why do I know I am existing right now? Shouldn't I be atoms right now? P.S: To whomever wrote this paper l know you brought me here or at the very least know that I'm here. Is this another gameplay of life this time without the narrator?Then I'll walk away and find something to do.
A lost Existence
My mind, if you can call it that, or.. I guess, If I can call it that?
It's dancing like tango with out a partner..
Not throbbing more floating.. Twisting, divided, impaired..
Am I intact? Or formless, but I think well enough..
Even, I contemplate being evenly apart; disjointed but, no joints to speak..
My mind rests on the word joint, and a cacophony rushes in my mind rebounding the words of thought Pot-Plant-Canibus-Bus-Sub-Bun-Sun-Star-Moon-Night..
I feel like a figment, is this what an Imaginarium is..
Raw thoughts becoming like a feeling; or... where I am, .. am I?
am I but a shadow, or not?
I see a bright emptiness, well sort of..
It's more like A outstretched whiteness. A box expanding and contracting like a breath, & in the second I think that I see a square room.
The room becomes a circle.
Then If I think the room is like a circle, then it forms back into a cube likeness, but different.
This time a trapezoid
no a cone..
But the feeling that time does not exist lingers.. Do I exist? Am I?.. another cacaophony forms in my mind.. I.. I-Eye-Sight-see-blind
I visualize down, I feel a etching a tablet, of paper? It is smooth with embossed rough textures, I scan over it in my mind.
Words form not as cognition exactly, but a feeling of omission & warning. The feeling becomes stronger, powerful even.. A wholeness of revocation's with name's that even word's have forgotten.
Unknowns, all as if screaming a angry letter.
My mind throbs.. I feel the impact of the transmission.
I Have been... BannedRevokedDevoidOmitedDisallowedAdmittedReposed..
ArgghhHhh My mind!!. So-o many names & symbols; so much invalidation all pointing to remiss and me..
What did I do... .. … What was the Cause.. Effect-Motion-Reason-Place-Person-Thing.. ..
Candles.. Plasma Light-nignngh
I,.. I was a scientist..
I delved into the study of polarity.
Not polarity like a fraction of electric and thermionic reactions.. no, I mean deeper.
I mean, the dissection of the root of morality as a energy that grants choice.
The sense beyond senses, beyond the sapience; behind the psychology & the ID & the EGO.
Not formulations of cause and effect; but the frames of dimensional choices itself in itself.
The existence, of choice..
I was working with water fire and the iron in plasma.., some of the steps more vague than the rest..,
perhaps I am limiting my own self from the folly of finding such a predicament.. the rest I recall of the experiment is a current runs through, then a shifting and merging of electromagnetism etcetera...
Ugnh.. My pain is less than before, perhaps I am adapting to this stasis..
A set of syntheses, I had been working on at the time.
A gate.. An electrified vortex from bending the fabric into inverted subspace perforates into itself, like some proverbial Alice's rabbit hole..
and being the sole soul I am..
I went through and throughout wonderland.
In a sense, I went and I saw God or perhaps the reflection..
The web of all, the Hive, the infinite outstretched possible; form and reform.
I can only describe it like Tesla himself has said about the storm's he had meditated to in the Hotel on a stormy night..
Talking of the sounds and voices in the lightning and thunder itself, as if speaking in plasma is a reality of the divide of being and not being.
Where All forms flowing, blood, water, fire, sand, lava, all moving with out temperature's. Where energy is not sacrificed, and survival is not dependent on physical interactions.. Like some eternally expanding husk pulsating, & it undulates the only madness, found in H.P Lovecraft.
Here not as a being of benign or beguiled sanity.
But the linear infinite realm of mind's creating & building paths & paths yet built; which is the insanity, the genius, the Anima the Animus, the creature's, the living the dead, the path the lost; the dream.
The encompassed,.. & The engulfed..
I crossed into this realm, & the door; if you can call it that..
My body now a figment of my own complexes..
Where everything I knew, had gained No meanings..
Here lies the truths and the lies as one;
where good and evil are nothing but a creature's nature's.
And a reaction of beast's, is the same as mankind's; a creature one in the same.
I stepped into the bend of all choices formed and reformed, and I thought in a realm of supercomplexities.
My one mistake..
To think that I.. Did not exist, in a place where existence was everything and nothing at the same time.
And all I did.., and what I did..
was think in a foolish Egotism.
..I had planned to write my findings in a book.
For when when I figure a way back, & as any researcher would do. So I wrote In my mind for later notation use.. and so.
Mental note: “I have been banned from existence; from what I mean is, what I have learned in this event. I am about to recall and describe which I found, It will not make sense because sense is a conflagration here. Where what we think to know, we have yet to know. And what I have seen, has undone every perplexing sense that we thought we knew of. And beyond sentience where sapience lies, is a electric reaction of the minds-eye, to the brain's body. Of what I and we feel; Is.. No longer knowledge has meaning; but wisdom to what plane we think is; is but a endless whiteness shapeless shaping canvas empty and whole. A room filled of nothing we ever thought we knew..
..How Ironic that Karma would play myself as my own God, upon a foolish wish of recognition..
I myself willed this paper.
This complex room of inverted wish's..
I thought I knew, and now I know nothing of what I Had known before.
Now, until I thought I knew.
I only recall what I had known is meaningless.
stuck in nothingness
I've been banned from existence
I feel that's unfair
I feel tension tangling through me
I feel the silence in the air
When I look around
All I see are blank spaces
A world of white dimension
A world without faces
I feel like I can't remember now
My loved ones I once knew
Their appearances are unknown to me
And I feel empty all the way through
It's just blank and blank and blank
I wanted to be nothing
That was a mistake
And now I'm stuck
In this lonely white
I've lost all senses
I'm losing sight
I'm losing my might
And cannot find
My soul is lost
I've lost my mind.
I Should’ve Killed Satan
Who turned the light on? Darnit can’t anyone let a soul sleep?
I roll over and pull my shirt over my face.
Man, my bed has gotten really uncomfortable. And where’s my pillow? Dangit what now?
I sit up and look around. The white so bright and blinding and infinite and boring. There’s nothing fun or interesting about whiteness. It’s just there.
Does this have to do with trying to kill God? I wonder vaguely.
I can’t help it he tried to drag me away from the fight. I was winning that freaking thing.
I get to my feet and look at myself. I’m wearing the lower levels of military fatigues. The short sleeve tan shirt, digital camoflauge pants, boots. Is he taunting me?
I notice some black in the infinte whiteness. Infinite whiteness, I feel some cruel humor going on. Isn't it supposed to be infinite blackness? I reach down and grope around for the edge of the paper on the floor. I can't see the edge because it's just a white as the floor.
Is it the floor? I feel like I'm rightside up but I'm looking down...
I stand straight and find that the paper now appears to be floating on some wall infront of me. So physics isn't working. Go figure.
I lean in closer and squint at the paper. The room suddenly gets darker and shadowy.
"You've got to be freaking kidding me," I grumble as the words become illegible. Several seconds later it lightens back up and I hear some thundering. There's a bright flash of yellow light for a fraction of a second. Lightning.
I lean in and read the paper.
"You have been banned from existance."
"Whelp, that's my luck," I sit on the 'ground' and cross my legs.
"If you let me kill the guy I wouldn't have tried to kill you you know!" I scream into the emptiness. "Then you sent me to Satan and he pissed me off so I tore that ugly horn off his head and stabbed him with it!" I smirk at the memory. His red face went deathly pale.
"That's why I'm here ain't it?" I yell, "'Cause not even Satan would take me?" Another lightning blast. I realize my hair is on-end. As if someone rubbed a balloon over my head.
"If you let me finish it I'll do whatever you want me to! I'll even sit up here in this joke if you want. Just let me finish!"
The whiteness infront of me dissapears and I am looking at the bright blue sky and then the green of the ground. But it is shrouded in greyness and storms. It's raining. More lightning.
"Uh, wrong part of the world God." The cloud closes. I realize I'm moist.
"This is a joke, isn't it? 'Cause I'm not laughing." I sit down.
"I'm not moving until you take me back."
But now the storm is over. And he is no longer.
Cease to Exist
I look up at the banner on the wall. As I gaze around the room I see that it is empty except for me and the banner. I inhale deeply and close my eyes.
I see a white, blind light. I cease to exist.
I looked down at the paper and raised an eyebrow. I asked out loud to whoever is out there, watching me, "Was this for stealing that chocolate bar from my sister or eating my sister's food?" I sighed when I didn't get an answer. "Welp. . . at least I still have clothing. . ." I knew I had to be alone so I didn't mind talking outloud now. I looked around and started to walk in one direction, wondering if this is like. . . a blank canvas for me to create on. Could I create in this blank world? Make it an new existence?
I looked threw my pockets and found a ink well and a dip pen. . . oh. Maybe I could create things. . . This is gonna be an interesting experience for me. I opened the ink well as I held it in my hands as if it was the only thing left on the Earth. . . wait, it is for me. I giggled and shook my head some as I went on to draw a simple box. The dip pen and its ink changed color with what color I thought of. It was Lavender. It worked like a 3D printer pen. I was happy now. At the least I can create things to make me happy. . . But I won't have no one else in here with me. . .
Nothing is Still Something
The paper says that I have been banned from existence,
And it is the only thing that is with me in this empty room,
But I do not know why this has happened,
Or why I have this feeling of doom.
Why am I here, what have I done wrong?
I can't recall a single detail,
But I can remember when I went to sleep,
I had the feeling I could not fail.
Wasn't the day before, my birthday at last,
A celebration of sorts,
Of years survived and past?
Then why had this happened to me?
Then I realized something that changed my mood,
For how could I exist to myself, but yet cease to be,
For nothing is still something, even if it's just a thought,
And with this I realized there was now more to see.
The room which had to exist to contain me began to fade,
And everything cleared in my mind as it all came back,
There had been a crash, and a bang, that night I slept,
The body that used to contain me under foreign attack.
I've become nothing, yet everything, all at once,
And everything is all or nothing to me,
I know this now, as I take my new form,
I am now a celestial being, and one with the galaxy.