Crazy Thoughts...I Think?

Ever since I was around, I believe six years old, I was constantly talking to myself in my head. I would just commentate on every action I did and what I thought of it. It was strange, but it didn't seem as such to me when I was barely old enough to understand the different strange occurrences that went on around me. Most of the times it was just staring at different objects, and bringing them to life with my little childish mind; others were me creating stories from a character I had created named "Dragon". I would zoom all around the bed room, jumping and playing out the scenes in my head. As I got older this voice began being more critical, it took on a life of its own, I had invented characters in my head. I believed that there was two little people inside of my mind, that being a microscopic version of me and any other person I met throughout life. I thought that this little version of me was in some sort of control room within my head, taking control of every thought and action I carried out. It was actually pretty nice to have this figure in my mind, I was generally on my own most of the times, and generally could't talk with any others; nor did I have any interest in doing so.

This little version of me played a role that couldn't have been played by anyone else, most of the times it was a guiding voice telling what I should do under stressful conditions and others were just a series of ideas it was trying to put together for me. I wasn't entirely in my head most of the times as a kid, I did talk with others, but I would always come back to this shrieking voice inside of my terrorized skull. As I got older, I got irritated by it, this voice was constantly making the simplest task, such as just walking, painful. I couldn't get out of my mind I was always hooked up to this little reality, where I was in control, yet I wasn't. Still I've spoken of this small voice as something that has haunted me in my past, but truthfully, it still continues going. I'm not sure if it is normal or not, but for me it is so damn obnoxious. I can't get a second to myself without another shout from the inside of my vacant skull. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be to stop overthinking, to not constantly be pulsating with ideas, left and right. It just sucks, maybe this just a normal occurrence among many, and I'm just being a fool complaining about something that is fairly common. However, I can never know without expressing it, and I can never truly know if there is any way to turn of this engine, for just a minute, to just have a tiny moment of silence.