Over reliance
The concept of reality
Is at best
A suggested mindset
Taught to form a barrier
Between illusion and actuality
I find this “mindset”
Emotionally draining
Dwelling on all the injustices
Of the world
Talking consistently of negativity
If my perception was that of most
I’d probably think positivity
Didn’t exist anymore
I find myself turning off
The nightly news
Allowing quiet to fill
My empty space again
A moment of silence
For those still suffering
For now I choose to think
That doesn’t include me
It wasn’t always a conscious escape
Innocent fun between friends
A sense of belonging
Yet my inability to resist temptation
Has turned me into a stranger
A coward to my own emotions
Ive always been a sponge
soaking up everything
Feeling so deeply it hurts
Consistently feeling misunderstood
Turning to outward sources
Instant gratification becomes enslavement
Seeking peace yet settling for chaos
The only thing I look forward to
Is that moment of numbness
When nothing matters
I swear I feel my life
Leaving my body every time
No longer conscious of myself
Synthetic pleasure envelops me
Blissfully aware that
I’m the antagonist in my life
I’ll murder myself
Before I hand anyone else the knife