The Purge

-CW/TW: mentions of self-induced vomiting-

The toothbrush-

stiff, coarse bristles,

gracefully-curved plastic handle

adorned with Barbie’s perpetual smile and everlasting perfection-

sits in my tender juvenile palm

with the same crushing weight

resting upon the broad, muscular shoulders of Atlas.

Crouching, defeated

a mere crumpled heap,

upon the cold, hard floor-

my young mind

struggles to make sense

of the mess life has already become.

A handful of moments

--frantic run-away thought trains,

tornadoes and tidal waves of conflicting emotions,

desperate dead-end plans--

pass, before…

“Decision made.”

Newfound decisiveness,

renewed conviction

now on-board;

I take action,

seeking much-needed relief.

Inhale.

Exhale.

"Open wide."

Barbie’s perfect smiling face

quickly makes its way

down

down

down.

My stomach turns.

Sweet relief…

Glorious levity…

I bask in the glow.

Gazing at my vomit,

marveling at the wretchedness once trapped within

as it swirls far away through the pipes,

I notice

the most curious

feelings in my body:

my stomach, cleansed-

no longer clogged with anguish, self-loathing;

my mind, freed-

no longer obstructed with torment and secrets;

my lungs, opened-

liberated from cinder block weights of anxiety, fear.

“This is the answer.”

#poetry #personal #emotional #pain #struggle #survivor #trauma #abuse #ptsd