Love Divide

I have found that my brain and my heart create a love divide. With some men, my brain says yes, yes yes! But my heart says, meh. With others, my heart connects but my brain bashes me over the head with red flags and that killer of romantic love, logic. In a perfect world, "the right one" bridges the love divide and your brain and heart are in sync over this person. There is a third influencer, but I find that it's easily overcome by either the brain or the heart so I will discount it for the purposes of this advice, but that influcer is my body.

I think that you should love someone the way you wish to be loved. But my heart knows if you love someone, you will love them the way they wish to be loved. If only life and love were simple. However, every person has a different desire and expectation out of love. That complicates things. Also, as humans, we are always subject to change. Change is a constant which places great stress on relationships.

My advice is this. When you find someone you think may be the one, at some point, have an open and honest discussion about change. How would you each feel if there were a sudden change in the physical appearance of one or both of you. What would you do if there were a significant change in the financial health of one or both of you? Physical health? What about a significant schedule change or the need for a geographic change? What about changes to the family dynamic...entrance or exit of children/pets/parents within the household?

If someone is unwilling to entertain the conversation at all, that is a pretty big clue they are going to be resistent to change. And since you can 100% guarantee change will happen during the course of your life together, you have to decide whether you are comfortable with that. If you are the one resistent to change, then you have to think about how that may effect your relationship.

If the conversation goes well, you've passed a pretty big hurdle. Big life changes have a way of ending relationships, even longstanding ones. Being able to think and talk about these events and have clarity on how each other may react (bearing in mind this is subject to change as well!) is a great sign of a healthy relationship.

Note to reader: This advice expires immediately after you read it. I will have probably changed my mind about love by then.