To know that you love the right one, it is instinctual. Things that normally bother you still do, but when they do it, it's somehow more okay. You'll know because the very thought of them diminishes the demons creeping below your skin. They make breathing easier and waking up in the morning a blessing, not just a task. It is looking at a person and knowing deep down you would do anything for them, even if it meant hurting yourself. It is being able to do absolutely nothing but sitting with them yet having the time of your life. It's the agony you feel at the concept of them leaving or anything happening. It is spending time with them for 12 hours and feeling like you just said hello. Knowing is something that happens so deep in your heart that no logic or reasoning helps. You just know, not with your brain, but your heart.

Most missed it for what it was. Young people today may not even know the story, and if they do, it is the fighting they see... a boxing movie... Ha! What they have missed, The Simpletons, is one of the greatest love stories ever told.

7 Tips from Rocky to you youngsters...

First rule of love for the man who wants to win the girl:

Buy what she is selling! Even if that happens to be turtles named “Cuff” and “Link”, or a goldfish named “Moby Dick”.

Second Rule:

Make her laugh. Make up jokes about turtle food before you go to buy it from her! Rocky the romantic?

Third Rule:

Make her feel pretty. Take her skating!

4

Love her family, even that crazy, alcoholic brother.

5

Become successful so that you can give her everything. Want her beside you in your greatest moments.

6

Marry her. She deserves that!

7

Love her children more than you love yourself.

8

Hold her when she is sick, and keep on loving her right to the bitter end. Watch “Rocky Balboa”, when Rocky sits by Adrienne’s grave in the evenings and tells her about his day and tell me you don’t shed a tear? Epic love story!

If a man is not doing those things, AngelicDevil, don’t walk away... run... all the way up those Philadelphia steps!

”Gonna fly now... Flying high now... Fly... High... Dah, dah, DA!”

Love has many forms.

Love for friends, for pets

For things;

For family and lovers.

Can we choose who to love?

No more than we can choose what to love.

I love custard

And chocolate ice-cream

And rock ‘n’ roll.

I don’t love opera

And musicals

Though I see their value.

Never could I swap those things around

No matter what.

I love my family

Though often they infuriate me

And occasionally make me hate them.

Can we choose who to love?

No.

Meet a stranger

Fall in love

Like lightning

Or

Learn them slowly

And love what you find.

So

Are we choice-less?

No.

We can choose freely

To ignore love

And walk away.

They may be bad for us

Or simply bad;

They may have one thing we can’t accept

Though our emotions say

We love them.

Can we choose?

Of course.

We can always choose.

To be happy

Or sad

To do good

Or bad

To stay

Or walk away.

Love is the same

We are not bound

Other than by

Our choices.

We may say we are

But that comes from fear –

Of being alone; of being lonely;

Of being unloved.

Or ‘what if’

What if they are ‘the one’.

But they aren’t ‘the one’.

If they were you would have no doubt

So choose to wait

And

Love yourself.

I have found that my brain and my heart create a love divide. With some men, my brain says yes, yes yes! But my heart says, meh. With others, my heart connects but my brain bashes me over the head with red flags and that killer of romantic love, logic. In a perfect world, "the right one" bridges the love divide and your brain and heart are in sync over this person. There is a third influencer, but I find that it's easily overcome by either the brain or the heart so I will discount it for the purposes of this advice, but that influcer is my body.

I think that you should love someone the way you wish to be loved. But my heart knows if you love someone, you will love them the way they wish to be loved. If only life and love were simple. However, every person has a different desire and expectation out of love. That complicates things. Also, as humans, we are always subject to change. Change is a constant which places great stress on relationships.

My advice is this. When you find someone you think may be the one, at some point, have an open and honest discussion about change. How would you each feel if there were a sudden change in the physical appearance of one or both of you. What would you do if there were a significant change in the financial health of one or both of you? Physical health? What about a significant schedule change or the need for a geographic change? What about changes to the family dynamic...entrance or exit of children/pets/parents within the household?

If someone is unwilling to entertain the conversation at all, that is a pretty big clue they are going to be resistent to change. And since you can 100% guarantee change will happen during the course of your life together, you have to decide whether you are comfortable with that. If you are the one resistent to change, then you have to think about how that may effect your relationship.

If the conversation goes well, you've passed a pretty big hurdle. Big life changes have a way of ending relationships, even longstanding ones. Being able to think and talk about these events and have clarity on how each other may react (bearing in mind this is subject to change as well!) is a great sign of a healthy relationship.

Note to reader: This advice expires immediately after you read it. I will have probably changed my mind about love by then.

Love is complicated. It is not taken lightly. Love is used like a rag every day and carelessly. True love is honest and dirty and messy. It's the good and the bad. It's the hard and the complicated. Loving someone is heartbreak and longing. Passion and desire. Wanting to spend the rest of your life with that one. It's a two way street, given and taken. It's the long nights awake, the fights and make up. It's not calling it quits because things didn't go right or as planned. It's to learn and grow together to make something better and be better for each other. When you choose that person its a mutual feeling, they need to reciprocate your feelings too.

I believe if you love someone, you want to them to grow and become a better version of who they are now. I got great advice from my boyfriend's mom that takes this a step further: don't enable your partners worst behaviors. Be willing to stand up to your partner when they do something shitty, and have a discussion about it. Don't stand by and let them get away with shitty behavior, because it's just going to get worse as the years go on.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to your partner about these kinds of things, then you should take a step back and evaluate whether it's the relationship holding back in this aspect, or if it's just something you need to work on. Also, you don't need to yell at them or make it a big deal, it can be a simple conversation such as, "Hey Bob, (insert bad behavior) bothers me, because (insert reason)."

An example of this is with my boyfriend and dirty dishes. When we first started dating, he had a habit of leaving old dishes in his room, because he'd get consumed in a project or schoolwork. After we'd been dating for a couple of months, he'd asked if there is any pet peeves I have, and I told him point blank that I thought leaving dirty dishes lying around is gross, and it bothers me. Since then, he always makes an effort to clean up before I get to his house, and now he leaves maybe a plate behind every once in a while.

Essentially, we all love our partners enough to support them and want them to be the best version of themselves, so if you notice something they do that bothers you, talk about it with them.

Bonjour le plus cheré!

The question has been asked

“How should you love someone?”

The answer should be quite a simple one.

One should love another completely with all the heart, all the soul and all the mind.

Loving another should flow easily from one soul to another having the deepest regard and respect

for each other in every way possible.

Part of love for others is compassion.

True love for others is complete compassion with no expectations of receiving anything in return.

A real mother loves her children with no expectations. Children love their parents always with compassion.

If I were lost in a foreign land, I would want people to be kind, to be helpful, compassionate and understanding. I would pray that I would be treated with respect and dignity.

Children and the Elderly are humanities greatest resources and yet these two groups of people are treated with such contempt that it’s no wonder why humankind suffer so much.

Loving one another means learning to let go of all the past hurt and guilt and moving forward to a better way of handling the daily life without blame and trusting each other along with being trustworthy.

It all starts in the home with your children.

Be kind, understanding, sweet and respectful.

These are the very basics of Love and life.

I wish you well on your journey

Called life.

I hope this helps.

Au revoir!

Personally I would back this query line up a bit and instead suggest asking, "How should you fight with someone?"

Because as everyone has noted here, love is work - hard work. You have to put forth effort. You have to show up, communicate, reciprocate, and stick with it. And at some point - not if, but when - you'll hit a snag and you're going to fight. It's inevitable, but also healthy and part of every relationship.

Most people know the obvious how not to fight (i.e. avoid physical or emotional abuse), but here are my recommendations for how to:

1) Don't expect anyone to read hints or emotions, say things out loud and as clearly as possible

2) Let your emotions go at some point and focus on the facts - what really set you off? Why? Identify this and point it out to your partner

3) Direct your complaints at the person involved, rather than venting your frustrations to everyone else under the pretense of asking advice. There's advice, and then there's avoidance. Confrontation's gotta happen sometime, and your partner deserves to be in the ring with you when it does - not blindsided by a hung jury of your peers.

4) Don't bottle up your frustrations, voice them as they occur. This way you're not blowing up out of the blue at someone and catching them completely off guard (or worse, on a bad day)

5) Don't take things personally - people are human and flawed. Theys often do things out of thoughtlessness, carelessness, preoccupation, or plain misunderstanding as often as they do out of spite. While this may not offer much comfort, it's much easier to correct someone for being dumb than for actively hating on you.

6) Identify how you and your partner handle stress / criticism and note this to each other (again, out loud) so you can both understand where the heck your ridiculous behaviorial quirks come from. Note: This does not excuse said quirks, it instead provides you the guidelines of what to watch out for and how to navigate potential minefields.

7) Always plan ahead - fights should never repeat, otherwise you can't make any progress. Each argument should end with an action plan identifying exactly what changes you are both going to make to avoid the same problem in the future.

8) Make up sex. Just sayin'. It helps re-forge the bond of your relationship, and it's also pretty hot. Skip this step if the relationship isn't romantic, the above points are still good.

If you're wondering if you can really love someone, then simply ask yourself if they're willing to go through any of the steps above to stick it out with you. If the answer is no, then maybe try a different sparring partner on. You might be amazed at the difference you'll see in the long run between having someone who just shuts down on you whenever you raise your voice, versus having someone who's willing to open up, yell back, roll their eyes, and then work it out and move forward. I definitely was, and everyone thinks I married a demon. Little did they know how refreshing a hot temper can truly be.

“Don’t you dare to assume”

One of the most important advice that i can give is Never assume things on your own.

Though i have never been into any relationship but i have been a victim of such a thing in my friendship.

My friend and I had crush on some guys ( they were not the same persons) we use to talk about them, and she use to tell me about that guy, that how beautiful and elegant was he, and I use to the same.

And then the Guy i use to think of got engaged with someone, so i was feeling sad those days, and my fried use to comfort me and she was so damn helpful towards me.

But one day i found out she wasn’t interested talking to me, she wasn’t giving me the attention, even when i tried to talk to her she got vanished.

So the very next day i decided to clear this out, and i hold her hand dragged her out from the classroom and asked the reason for her weired behaviour.

“I don’t want to talk to you, coz now that your guy is committed to someone else, you want to hit on the guy i like”, she replied.

Damn! I was shocked, i couldn’t get the right words out of my mouth.

“How could you even think like this?”, i clinched my fists.

“Yes! that’s true.”

“I didn’t even thought about it, and i was concerned about you.”

“Thanks to Pragya, who made me realize the intention that you have.

And you know what ’We are still friends today, though it might seem a little thing to you, but this little thing was enough to ruin my friendship if i wouldn’t have confronted her, or i would have shown my ego at this point.

And it was the communication that helped us out. So “Communication” is also the key, But first and formost thing is “Not to assume anything”.

#love #loveadvice #friendship #challenge

I've been through my share of relationships, and during each situation, I thought I was with the right person. It wasn't until after each one was over that I realized exactly what had gone wrong. I don't know about you, but when I commit, I put all my effort into making it work, and I refuse to give up until the situation becomes dangerous, or impossible to deal with on any level. That might be a flaw, now that I see it on paper, but I had always thought it was a quality characteristic, you know, the ability to stick with it and keep trying in the face of almost certain failure. Say, for instance, my first marriage.

I met my first husband when I was 14 and he was 19. I was a runaway, and he was facing incarceration in the CYA. I was fresh from my first real relationship, one that had begun when I was at the ripe old age of 13. It sounds young, I know, but I didn't have a real childhood, being bounced around from family to family for most of my formative years, I'd had to grow up early. Love was never present in those days for me, I have always known exactly what I wanted and didn't want, and foster moms weren't on my agenda. I was campaigning to get back to my own mom and nothing less would do. And I’m stubborn. I can and always have been able to wait anyone out. That is, until I met Joe. When Joe came to the foster home and fell for me, the affection he showered me with was impossible for me to resist, and I fell hard. Anyways, when the foster mom found out about us, they had him transferred and blocked us from communicating with each other after that. The whole drama must have had some effect on my man picker because after that, I didn't do so well. I ran away and my second week out I met Shell. I think I transferred my feelings for Joe, over to Shell. I genuinely loved him, but it wasn't the healthiest of loves. At that point I should have stayed single until my feelings for Joe had faded somewhat. But I was 14 and my upbringing was unconventional to say the least. I had no role models worth following, and no one had taught me anything a young woman should have been taught, growing up. Shell and I were pretty much an item for the next eleven years, with me putting up with things a woman should never have to deal with. Things finally came to a head when he hit me while I was holding our baby daughter. I have to own my part of that, I taunted him. Still, I had always vowed never to stay with a man who hit me, so after struggling to get away, (he was an intravenous drug addict by this time, and tried to prevent me leaving by force), I finally broke free of him and began again. This time I was 25, and had somewhat more experience of the world and people. Not enough to keep me from going round and round in the dating scene for the next five years, though. With a child and the scars I have inside and out, I had a hard time finding someone new to love me.

I met my boy's dad on my 30th birthday. By that time other influences dictated my decision making process. I was lonely and getting old, I thought, and felt like time was getting away from me. So I entered into that relationship for the wrong reasons as well. Even though I truly loved Jim, I didn't know enough about him to have children with him, and try to build a life together. But that's what I did. It lasted four years after I found out about his extreme alcoholism. I tried to make it work but he obviously couldn't put the same effort into it with his issue, so it didn't last, leaving me alone again, and this time with three kids in tow.

I bet you can't figure out why the next one didn't work. Again, I felt like time was my enemy. Here I was at 35, alone again. This time I felt like my boys needed a man around and I was unable to realize that I could do anything I wanted by myself, and that I didn't need a man to be a whole person. I met Jack in that state of mind, and again, I jumped in with both feet before I had given myself a chance to get to know him. This time I found out right away what his issue was, but it was complicated, and I thought I was being open minded and forward thinking when I decided to stay with him despite the things I had found out. And they were a deal breaker, let me tell you, but I convinced myself that I was in love with him and we were committed. By now you know me well enough to know that to me, that was a challenge, which I met head on. It took 10 years this time for me to get the message. Thank God I didn't have any children with him. By this time I was 47. Are you starting to notice a trend here?

Finally, when this one was over, and I had taken my time to get over him the right way, I found myself thinking about Joe. Just taking the time to heal correctly from the last relationship showed me that I had options. And they weren't all about finding a man, either, but it gave me the space I needed to think. I looked Joe up on Facebook and I actually found him! He was in North Carolina, (I live in California), and he was in trouble with the law. I went to see him to find out if the feelings we had for each other as kids were still there, and after four days with him, it hurt me to leave him there and go home. I set about putting in the paperwork to have him transferred here, and it wasn't easy, it took strength, determination and a lot of stubborn waiting to get him out here, but it was totally worth it. I chose the one that loved me and in the end it made all the difference. Now I know what a true equal relationship is like. It is free and easy when it's the right one. Don't get me wrong, we disagree. But we both know how to resolve it, and there's no name calling or even yelling. We discuss it and figure out a compromise we can both live with. Sometimes there's a re-visitation, but again, our compatibility makes it a pleasure to work things out.

So, first of all, your person needs to be a healthy minded person. If they are addicted to something, or if they are still committed to another situation, or if it's just that their aim in life is in the opposite direction yours is, it won't work. Oh, it might limp along for a while, but that's just wasting time. Don't let your life slip away in the searching, or the trying to make it work too long with the wrong person, like I did. If you aren't sure, then they probably aren't the right one. Better yet, talk to your significant other about it. If your imagined futures match, and you both want the same thing, push on. If not, you're better off alone until you figure it out.