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Dear RichSatin,

I am completely in love with you and I think I'll regret it.

Your nightly emojis and morningly wishes for me to have a great day don't have to give me butterflies for me to understand how deeply you care for me.

No man or woman has had this kind of power over my respiratory system since I was prescribed by emergency inhaler. My heart threatens to kill me because I think your intentional typos are just that cute.

I have crushed on you for years and you'd never have known if I didn't go to school drunk and accidentally confess at two of our Howdy Skwod mates. Or maybe it was the two times I accidentally called you hot and magical. Accidentally, because I would never do that out loud in front of our friend group.

Don't think I just like you because you're physically beautiful. Don't give me that shit.

I been like you like that since middle school, so don't even question me.

Where would I regret any part of this? Well, when did you know you liked me? It wasn't years ago, that's for sure. I know I'm secure in the way I feel because I've been here for six years. How do I know you liked me for me and not just because I like you back?

I don't doubt the, "I love you," you wish me every day, but I do have to wonder if that six year gap mattered. I sure hope it doesn't.

I liked you before yeehaw and I would love you after, if there would ever dare be.

I liked you before you learned discipline.

I liked you before you knew my name and my face.

I liked you before I made a name for myself. Now that I have one, I have you too.

It better be a coincidence.

I hate you because you're the sweetest person I've ever experiened. Real gentlemen like us are dying out. I gotchu if you got me, Partner.

I hate you because you're such a dad.

Your puns make me want to pun-ch you in the nose

You and I look at children the same way.

(With a target on their behind and our shoes on it)

And you could absolutely raise a kid. I mean, you raised yourself from hell, didn't you?

I'm thinking too far into the future, I think, but if I'm not thinking of a future, why bother thinking of you?

I don't date for temporary. I don't think you do either, and I better be right.

I hate you because I don't have enough pillows to surround myself in and hug tight enough. Every time you send butterflies my way, they shoot me in the guts and I can't help but double over. I could drown in pillows and still prefer awkwardly leaning on your arm, or laying down on your wrist, or putting my head on what I think is your shoulder while my arm shakes trying to keep my head up at that kind of height. (J. hArOld C.)

I love your mom almost as much as I love you. I have never met the woman, but she is my mother now, regardless of where you fall on the list of priorities. She's my best friend now. She made you and she likes me and she thinks I'm nice and she thinks we're cute together?? When the heLL was that ever going to happen to me if it weren't for you?

I'm scare she'll hate me once she reads my vulnerability. I'm not weak because I can be sensitive. I am weak because they still hurt me after I confront them and come to terms.

I am weak because I think I am not capable of progress.

I love you more than I love Tesla and math. I love you almost as much as Kanye loves Kanye. I love you like ilo and milo, and I love you more than My Bitch Billie.

The amount of love I have for you will never go away.

But the amount of hate will.

Be careful how we do this.

Love forever and always,

Venti Plus