A Letter To Me

To My Younger Self,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm not a better person, someone you can look up to and admire.

I'm sorry for everything I have put you through and everything you will experience on your journey to become me.

I'm sorry for the number of nights you will drown your pillow in tears, holding your fist in your mouth so no one can hear you cry.

I'm sorry for everytime I hurt you, every time I insulted you, damaged you, wouldn't let you ask for help, and shoved away those you care most about.

I'm sorry for the workload I handed you, the struggle to be perfect.

I'm sorry for caging you, never letting you run truly free.

I'm sorry for making you think you could rely on me to be better once I arrived and took over from you, when I can't.

I'm sorry I made a fool out of you, made people hate you, made you fear everything.

I'm sorry I locked up who you are and forced you to be who society wanted you to be.

But,

while I can't change the past,

the future is up to me.

I will do my best to become you, true and whole as you were meant to be, to be the adult you can look up to and be proud of, to stop poisoning you with negativity and despair.

Because,

though sometimes you might not believe it,

I care about you.

And I'm done apologizing.