“Have Mercy on Me”

This morning I awoke to a stranger. They slept peacefully beside me. But I did not run nor did I panic. I have awaken to this stranger for almost a year now. Perhaps we aren't strangers anymore by that standard but by my own, they still were. I used to wake up after them all the time, now I wake up before them and they bother me five minutes into my morning routine. I let them have the room and the bathroom while I disappear into the kitchen hoping to eat breakfast fast enough that I won't have to run into them when they are done. When they appear before I'm done, I retreat into the office, the only other room where I can escape this stranger.

Everytime they kiss me goodbye or hug me close, I fight the urge to recoil and run back to the office. My saving grace is their late work hours and I get the freedom of being home alone. I remember before...before we were strangers, how I used to anxiously await their return. Now all I have are frantic glances at the clock, hoping they have to stay late. And when they return late, I don't dare ask what they've been doing.

Only a year ago did we become strangers. I still remember like it was yesterday. I stopped by their office. I really really shouldn't have. I had no business there. We'd promised we would not bother each other at work. But I broke the rule. I suffer the consquences. I live like a prisoner at home. Where to run where I can't be found? I knew that if I left I'd only live my life like I live for those few ticking waiting minutes of the day when I know they return. Knowing and waiting. At least in my own home, here alone, I know I am safe.

My only fear here at home is that when the stranger comes back they'll decide I'm not worth keeping around. If only they'd just toss me out. But I knew better than that. If I stayed home, I wouldn't end up in his office.

But this waiting, this fear, is eating me alive. I cannot live with this strange for much longer. If I don't die from my frayed nerves...perhaps I go visit their office again. Break the rule. And let them kill me.

The stranger would smile at me for a moment I'd see the face of my beloved one, before they became this stranger.

They'll say it is a mercy to me, to kill me like they killed all the others. And as I'd lay there, staring at all the blood that came before me, I'd smiled and nod and agree.

"Please, please have mercy on me."

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