What if...

I am a spiritual coward, and so I take the safer road toward agnosticism. The further and further outward I look, the smaller and smaller I seem to become, which makes it hard to believe that there could be a being out there that would care about an insignificant little cancer cell living for a blink of time on a floating speck of dust in a tiny solar system around an average to small star in an infinitely large universe, so I get atheism. I get that it takes a great deal of vanity, or sense of self importance, to believe that I am special enough to deserve a greater being who cares about my existence, and my eternal soul.

But I have also seen and heard about events in this world that make my spine tingle with anticipation for something better waiting beyond this life. The magic of existence itself from out of nothingness must be some sort of miracle, is it not? Does it not take some sort of being to create that miracle? So I get religion, too.

I know... maybe, maybe not. Agnosticism...

Which came first? The chicken? The egg? Did God create us, or did we create him? Every known society has had a god, or gods. Why? Is it because we need hope for something better to push us? A carrot on a stick? Is our instinct for survival not enough to sustain a lifetime of struggle? It never has been before. Without hope would we not just sit in our basements and smoke weed in the dark until our bodies die of their own fabricated diseases. Would we not lie down and rot away our only shot at “being”, casting aside the glorious sunshine overhead which calls us to love, to labor, and to live... in essence to hope.

And to hope requires faith. Faith is an all-in proposition. If I lean toward religion, should I not lean all the way in? Should I not live to that religion’s laws with gusto, and preach its word with every breath? If I KNEW that someday I would stand shivering and naked before an all powerful God, would I not spend every moment of this life preparing for His rapture, rather than chasing worldly wealth and lust? But what if I spend every moment chasing a more righteous and glorious life and in so doing discard the earthly joys and lusts of the only one I will ever have?

If I KNEW that I would never be judged, then why would I not throw morality to the winds?

Oh, but I wish I had a brain big enough to know. To be wrong either way is a heavy, heavy price to pay, and so I sit the fence, sticking toes in to test the waters on either side.

I have two questions for an atheist, the same two questions I would ask of a believer. Are you willing to go “all in“ with that belief? I see very few on either side who are (and they are usually called lunatics or saints), which leads me to believe that there are more agnostics out there than will admit.

And if you are willing to go “all in” either way, if your faith is that strong... what if you are wrong?

Yikes! God forbid you are wrong.