You login to Prose to return to your old self. Instead of just free associating, you decide to respond to a writing prompt that asks you to write vows to yourself. You think it’s interesting and creative. Click.
The page before you is a mostly blank screen. There’s a textbox that says “Title”, and a bigger text box under it that says, “Write”.
The cursor blinks. You blink back. When did this get so hard?
Pause. Commercial Break.
You went to take out the dog and completely lost your thoughts. You sit and stare at the screen once again, that damn cursor taunting you.
“You think you’re a writer, huh? Poser.”
“I am. I am a published writer, and I need to remind myself of that.”
“You need to keep yourself accountable. If you don’t correct yourself, who will? You need to stay on top of your performance. Work towards perfection.”
“I know I’m not perfect, and I know my writing will never be; so why do I strive for perfection? I hate making mistakes. I was taught that there’s no time or money to make mistakes; no matter what the situation.”
“There it is-vow to allow yourself to make mistakes.”
It became hard to write because you were fulfilling a vow you made yourself a long time ago; to protect yourself. Writing leaves you vulnerable, so you ran away for a bit and surrounded yourself with walls. Instead of protecting you, they isolated you. They took away your confidence. Instead of comforting you, they held you back.
Despite your lack of confidence, you realize that you have been working on treating yourself better. Instead of surrendering to the taunting, you counter it.
So, Miggie, here it is; I vow to let you make mistakes; to let you be vulnerable; and to allow you to write with honesty and passion.