on future dreams and course corrections.

a failure.

i’m a damn failure.

everyone around me says otherwise,

but how could i possiblity believe them,

when i don’t believe my own mind?

the world will keep spinning

and i will treck forward.

it’ll be okay.

eventually.

i feel mad.

at myself.

at those around me.

this is going to be a lot of sleepless nights.

maybe it can be fixed?

not that it matters.

nothing seems to matter much.

all i ever wanted was to heal

and it seems like every brave step forward

just sends me careening out of control.

is life supposed to feel

like falling uphill?

swallow my fear

just keep going

the future won’t wait

for my empty emotions

but i wish it would

just slow down-

i’m still here!

of course nothing will ever wait.

not for me.

not for you.

not for anyone else.

the wheel keeps rolling

and it won’t stop

even if i get crushed beneath it’s weight.

and i also hope

that the one person

i most need

will finally see

what i really need.

t.j. says i should just be more honest.

more honest.

more open.

what, just like i should simply strip off this exhaustion

and reveal the ‘okayness’ underneath?

i’ve been told

this isn’t a failure

that my path just requires

a course correction

a course correction.

my ship is sailing

through tumultuous seas

and the mast has been torn down

but it can be repaired

even still.

a course correction.

i can work with that.