not active here anymore, but enjoy some recent pieces

i listened to you

oh so carefully

how did i miss

what you were telling me?

if best efforts were never enough

than you were impossible to please

i gave you all i was

wanted nothing more

you could’ve had a perfect girl

instead you have a burned bridge

always the demon, was i

forever wrong in your eyes

could i have done better,

to fit into your dream?

i only ever wanted

a mother

you only ever

what i could never give

i dream of you

by the seaside

you always said we’d end up

a couple by the ocean

an old house

on the cliff side

are you there now,

waiting for me?

or did you wander far away

the same as i?

sea salt tears down your cheeks

the clear blue ocean reflected in your cloudy eyes

a soul as tempestuous as the waves

a heart as steady as the tides

you are my rocky shoreline, dear

the scent

of singed hair

the first think

that makes you see

your life

is burning you

to ash

here are five things i learned in 2019 that i will forever carry with me. i know it's a month late, but that doesn't really matter to me.

1. to get better from something you first have to accept that it's a part of you.

2 if someone doesn't accept you for everything you are, then they don't deserve you.

3. hold your friends very, very, very close. please don't be afraid to tell them you love them- you might never get to say it again.

4. mental illness isn't a joke, but it's also not something to be afraid of. it doesn't make you any lesser. we are all only human.

5. love is the thing that lets us connect with others. it is okay if it hurts; if it doesn't, at times, then it isn't really love. be patient with who you love; it's always worth it in the end.

i yearn for the days

when i could hold your hand

hear your voice

see your smile.

you'll never really

be truly forgotten

this illness

has defined me

for so long,

i'm not sure

i remember

how to live.

the world falls apart

beneath your grip

dust

between

your fingers

i will find you

in the corner of the library

reading books

about philosophy

and humor

i will find you

in your pajamas

on the front lawn in the snow

during the dead of night

just because winter

is the best time for stargazing

i will find you

in a coffee shop

sneaking sips

of red wine

between swallows

of bitter macchiato

i will find you

wide-smiling and jubilant

gleaming under a midsummer sun

rainbows streaked through your hair

glitter on your eyes

offering a hand to pull me up onto a float

and we will be found

together

with flags draped around our shoulders

and we will be found

preaching

the truth of our love

and we will be found

apologizing

only for our mistakes

and we will be found

proud

of every act of love and defiance