Understand
No one understands my mind,
So I isolate.
Go through the motions,
Get the necessities done.
Eat lunch alone,
Sit in lectures alone.
I crave comfort and connection,
But only if they understand.
Tired of pretending life is beautiful,
When all I see is darkness.
A smile can only remain on my shell for so long.
Do I come out of isolation to make you feel better?
Pretending is exhausting.
Is hiding the truth considered lying?
The ones I have told pretend it never happened.
Pretend I never lost or loved.
Pretend I am not in deep despair.
Or they don’t know.
I don’t tell them,
But I hoped she would know.
I hint at my true feelings,
But she could never understand.
I don’t want your tears.
I don’t want your sympathy.
I want understanding,
But where do I find it?
Who do I find it in?
I isolate myself from everyone.
My bed is my cocoon.
I leave my safe haven for him,
The one I have lost.
He used to isolate every day,
Even from me.
Now I follow in his footsteps.
It makes sense,
We handle pain in the same way.
Blood is thicker than water.
Blood was not thicker than beer.
Or cigarettes.
Permanently alone in my mind,
No matter where my body is located.
Permanently isolated due to the trauma,
No one will ever understand.