Missing you for me

I thought I was doing alright

Your old hoodie hung up

I hadn't needed it the last few nights

The days had been rough, but I was getting through

I've drowned myself in responsibilities or slept when I found nothing better to do

Now I'm falling apart all over again, all over you

Another country song came on

About getting lost on a back road

My knuckles white, clutching the steering wheel

I pulled off the road, closed my eyes and tried to imagine you here

All I want is to go to your house and have you drive us around

Through those country hills, down to the water, maybe that spot way up top where you could see the sparse lights of a small town

I want a beer in my hand and you by my side

I want to listen to those hard songs, the ones we had to fight to keep on

I want one of those crack me open talks

Where we talked about life and love, forgiveness and all the important stuff

I want those watercolor eyes to tell me that everything's alright

I want to hear all your stories, just one more time

I feel so selfish, missing you for me

For all the comfort you gave or how you pushed me to follow my dreams

The hugs that held together my broken pieces

The way you loved me so much that I believed, for the first time, that maybe I was worthy

Worthy of being happy and worthy of wanting

I told you every terrible thing I'd ever done and you forgave me without a second thought

"We are people," you said.

"And we make bad decisions, but that doesn't mean we have to be defined by them."

How did you know all the right things to say?

You gave so much light, so much love

I promise I'm trying to carry that with me

But it's not that easy

You gave me so much care and safety

I wasn't afraid of anything when you were with me

I want to feel that safe again

The way I did with you

I am lost

Nothing is safe