Denial

I took a drive through your town

Past all the hidden houses

Out into the hills that echo with your voice

The sky as open and vast as your joy

The turns and bends that were your home

Through the fields of aspen trees

Oh how in fall, you loved their bright yellow leaves

It's almost spring

Summer is just around the corner and I'd like it to come a little slower

This winter has been cold and normally I'd be celebrating it being over

Not this year

Summer is where I feel you the most and you won't be here

I drove to the end of the road canyon

Followed the river down as well as I could and remembered the time we spent there

Kayaking down, floating on tubes, coolers filled with booze

I would've jumped in, right then, if it meant I'd be a little closer to you

I listened to country and shared your stories

You were such an intricate being

The way you were stubborn for no reason

Or how no matter what you knew, you were certain

The way you bought ice and Diet Coke from the gas station instead of the grocery store

Convenience somehow made it worth more

You always asked if your friends were hungry

If we replied, "Well, I don't have any money,"

You'd rebuttal, "I'll ask you again. Are you hungry?"

I can't even hear someone say, "Ya know what I mean?" without crying

In a room of people you love, we're laughing and I swear I can hear just a little Willie chuckling

Your presence was freeing

You gave life meaning

That drive, painful and cleansing

But good and needed

One last loop past your house

I parked out front to pause

Not sure I had the strength to pull in

All the lights still on, it's like you never left

Just hiding away in there, waiting for someone to waltz in

You'd greet them with a hug and a grin

A gas station cup and a cigarette lit

I pulled into the driveway, but I couldn't stay

I might have the strength tomorrow, but not today