Realness

Fingers moving quickly though there’s no feeling anymore

No emotions drip into me as I watch anymore except disgust snd shame

Awkwardness of being a Peeping Tom, regret of even trying.

Porn lost its zeal years ago when I found true feeling and desire.

Porn used to know where to go, using the map of my body well,

But it must’ve lost its guide since ir just misses completely

Leaving me sweaty and confused and so very numb at the end.

My escape has been tainted, washed away by passion and desire.

I find myself sighing and tensing at the thought of touch,

The imagined feeling of someone laying on top of me,

Warmth pressing against me and reminding me that I’m not alone.

I am loved, someone real loves me and I can feel his pulse and his skin

His sweat is a suave film that sticks to me, marking me.

I’m his, I’m someone’s, someone wanted and chose me.

But I’m no one’s and that leans onto me as I finish,

Running my fingers through sweaty pubic hair and sighing,

Biting my tongue to hold back the hot, regretful tears.

I’m just a lonely hairy college student in a frigid bed who needs a shower.